“More and More, Less and Less”Narcissistic Despair, the Desire for

More, and the Paradoxical Discovery of Buddhism & the Question of

Happiness

Elizabeth Rovere, Psy.D.roveree@newschool.edu

The New SchoolNew York, NY

4 Major Points

1. Narcissism is rampant and increasing

2. There is an increasing interest in Buddhism in popular culture and in the mental health field

3. Buddhism, a practice based on selflessness and altruism is on the rise in our narcissistic culture

4. Perhaps Buddhism offers the potential to meet needs unfulfilled in our narcissistic culture and transform that culture in the process

Narcissism is rampant and increasing

• Increased feelings of despair

• Epidemic of depression in every industrialized nation in the world

• Material wealth does not provide sustained happiness, joy or fulfillment

What is Narcissism?

• Libidinal cathexis of the ego- Freud• False self generated by inadequate parental

mirroring- Kohut• Narcissistic personality (DSM) defined by:a) grandiosity b) fantasies of power, brilliance,

success c) exhibitionism d) difficulty responding to criticism e) entitlement f) exploitativeness g) relationships over idealized or devalued h) lack of empathy

Current technology fuels the increase in narcissism. Names like MySpace and YouTube encourage attention-seeking.

Buddhism is on the rise in the United States

• Number of Buddhists in the US rose by 170% between 1990 and 2000

• Dalai Lama frequent speaker to sold out audiences in major US cities

• Prominent in self-help literature • Mindfulness incorporated into

psychotherapy theories and practice

Why is it so popular?

• Its non-dogmatic

• Meditation practices backed by science

• We can be free from suffering

How do we understand its popular appeal to Narcissists?

1) It’s a fad. (Is Buddhism just another narcissistic achievement

to parade around?)

2) God like attributes are in each one of us (but, not just one of us)

Can Buddhism Help Narcissists?

• In what way does Buddhism offer the potential to meet the needs unfulfilled in our narcissistic culture and transform that culture in the process?

Bodhisattva holding a mirror

• Buddhism provides a mirror and compassionately shows us the impossibility of satisfying our narcissistic cravings.

THE WHEEL OF LIFE

The Hungry Ghost Realm in The Wheel of Life

• An image of narcissistic desire: emaciated wraith like beings with thin necks. The more they try to eat, the more craving is produced.

• Note the image of the Bodhisattva in the second picture, he holds a bowl of spiritual nourishment.

Buddhist Conceptualization of Self• Buddhism reconceptualizes our way of thinking about the “self”. It

deconstructs the individualistic sense of self and redefines self as relative and interconnected.

• There is a relative sense of self, not an absolute sense of self.

Western perspective

1. Absolute Self

2. Fixed image of self

3. Individualistic

4. False sense of security

5. Grandiosity and Humiliation

Buddhist perspective

1. Relative self

2. Impermanent image of Self

3. Interconnected

4. Security comes through coming to terms with change

5. Awe and Humility

Threefold System of Change

1) wisdom (reading/analysis)

2) ethics and lifestyle change

3) contemplation (meditation/internal knowledge)

Four Guidelines to Living Life

1) COMPASSION

2) ALTRUISM

3) COMMUNITY

4) MINDFULNESS

Compassion

• Self improvement is a social service

• Taking on society and improving it

• Compassionate discipline: an inner revolution against one’s own negativity

• Non-violent non-cooperation with one’s own misery and craziness

Altruism

• Current economics and psychological research demonstrate that altruism makes us happy. Mayr’s study (Science, 2007) found evidence of pure altruism- giving for sake of other.

• For the narcissist, experiencing altruism and joy through connection is a developmental achievement.

Community

• Belonging is one of the largest markers of what brings personal satisfaction and happiness (Kahneman, 2006)

Contemplation

• The gaining of wisdom or knowledge through internal/intuitive experience

• Numerous studies show meditation enhances self-regulation, feelings of well-being, compassion, & altruism. Meditation decreases the fight-flight response, increases memory, attention-span and enhances neuroplasticity.

Buddhist influences in mental health

• Jon Kabat-Zinn- Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction

• Marsha Linnehan- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

• Zindel Segal- Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression

If we can use the Bodhisattva's mirror to see our condition, utilize that insight to reconceptualize our discrete individualized constructs of self and other; we maybe able to internalize ourselves as related, altruistic, compassionate and contemplative members of communities and forge a path out of emptiness and towards a more present, kind and connected way of living.

Summation

Buddhism offers a “cure” for modern egocentrism

To study Buddhism is to study the Self

To study the Self is to forget the Self

To forget the Self is to become one with others.

-Zen Master Dogen

To forget the self is to become one with other

Al Gore’s new logo for his campaign to save the environment, illustrates this transformation of “me” into “we”. A transition from an individualistic to a connected way of living.