MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 1

Fam

ily F

orum

SPRING 2012

Family Forum is the

newsletterof the

Minnesota Council on

Family Relations, a

state affiliate of the

National Council on

Family Relations

The Minnesota Council on Family Relations strengthens all families by

educating and supporting family professionals and promoting

connections among those involved in research, policy and practice.

Timely Topic for Spring ConferenceSharonPowell,SpringConferenceCo‐chair

HowcanFamilyEducators,SocialWorkers,MinistersandrelatedYouthandFamilyprofessionalsbestservetheneedsofsame‐sexcouplesandtheirfamilies?Howcanwesupportconversationsaboutcontroversialtopics?Whatarethequestionsthathelpvotersandlegislatorsidentifytheimpactoftheproposed

MarriageAmendmentonfamilies?Howdocurrentstatutesaffectsame‐sexcouplesandtheirfamilies?Howcanschoolprogramssuccessfullyserve,nurtureandprotectGLBTQyouth?WhatdoweneedtoknowaboutGLBTQrelationshipandfamilyformationdevelopment?WewillbegintoanswerthosequestionsatourspringconferenceonMonday,June11thattheComoRainforestAuditorium.Don’tmissthisopportunitytogatherwithyourcolleaguesandobtaininformationyouwillneedinyourworkwithfamiliesbeforeandafterthisfall’svoteonMarriageAmendmentinMinnesota.Welookforwardtoadayfilledwiththoughtfuldiscussion,inspiringbreakoutsessions,informativekeynotespeakersandamovingperformancebythe515Playershighlightingthediverselegalissuesfacedbysame‐sexcouplesandtheirfamilies.Letyourcolleagues,collaborators,ministers,legislatorsandschooldistrictpersonnelknowaboutthisopportunity.Gotowww.mcfr.netformoreinformationandtoregister.

Go to

pages 11-12 forSpring Conference

Information and printable registration

forms to register bymail or fax.

June 11, 2012! Spring 2012 MCFR ConferenceSame-Sex Couples and their Families: Connecting Policy, Research and Practice

Como Park Visitor Center, Rainforest Auditorium, St Paul, MN

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 2

Greetings MCFR Members, 

IamdeeplyhonoredandgratefultohaveanopportunitytoservetheMCFRBoardofDirectorsasPresidentthisyear.IamalsodeeplytouchedbythegreatcooperationandcollaborationofMCFRmembers,includingthefabulousMCFRpastandcurrentBoardmembersandourbrilliantAdministrativeDirector,LindaVukelich,tostrengthenallfamiliesbyeducatingandsupportingfamilyprofessionalsandpromotingconnectionsamongthoseinvolvedinresearch,policy,andpracticeinMinnesota.It’snot“Minnesotanice,”Isay,“It’sMinnesotagreat!”

The Difference between Management and LeadershipYoumaybeinapositiontomanagepeopleinanorganization,suchasaschool,hospital,company,orgovernment.“Butareyouactuallyleadingthem?”askedaCareerBuilderwriter,BethBraccioHering.Shearguesthattoptalentintoday’sworkplaceknowsthatbothmanagementandleadershipskillsarenecessaryforsuccess.

A manager accomplishes tasks, but a leader inspires people.Bothmanagersandleaderscarethatworkgetsdone.Forexample,amanagershouldbeabletoorganizeandpulltogetherthenecessaryelementstofinishaprojectontime.Incontrast,JosephGrenny,co‐authorofInfluencer,saysthatmanagersoftenstruggletoachievetheresultstheywantbecausewhentheirteamfailstodeliver,managerstypicallyblametheirteamforlackofmotivationandaskthemtosimplyworkharder.However,hearguesthatthemostinfluentialleaders–the5percentwhosucceedconsistentlyatinfluencingprofoundandessentialbehaviorchange–practiceintentionalinfluencebyspendingasmuchashalfoftheirtimethinkingaboutandactivelyinfluencingthebehaviorstheyknowwillleadtotopperformance.

A manager executes a plan, but a leader has a vision.Managersaremorelikelygoodatfollowingthroughondirections.Theymayhaveexceptionalabilitytosticktobudgets,organizeresources,andstayontrack.Ofcourse,allofthemareveryimportanttotheday‐to‐dayoperationsofacompanyoranorganization.Butthesestrengthsmaynotalwaystranslateintobeingaleader.PeteFriedes,formerCEOoftheinternationalhumanresourceconsultingfirmHewittAssociatesandco‐founderofmanagingpeoplebetter.com,saysthatthemanagerismoreintothedetailsofgettingthingsdonethantheleader.Theleaderismoreintocommunicatingwheretheorganizationistryingtogo.Hearguesthattheleaderhasavisionofwhatdirectiontheorganizationshouldgo,whattheorganizationcanaccomplishandgenerallyhowitshouldaccomplishtasksthatleadtowardthevision.

Leadership requires good management skills, but the reverse is not necessarily true.Leadersaremorelikelytousetheirmanagerialskillstocarryoutvisionstotheirfullpotential.Friedessaysthatthebestleadersarealsogoodmanagers,but

From the President San HaMinnesota Council on Family Relations

Board of DirectorsPresident

..........................San Ha 612-564-8877

President-Elect..................Mary Maher 612-247-3619

Immediate Past President..............Leanne Sponsel 651-646-1474

Secretary...................Kristin Dillon 612-484-4014

Treasurer...................Beth Yokom 763-433-4901

Membership Committee Chair ..............................Volunteer Needed

Policy Committee Chair..............................Volunteer Needed

Communications Committee Chair..............................Volunteer Needed

Ethical Practices Project Chair..................Betty Cooke 952-545-0588

Spring Conference Chair................Sharon Powell 612-729-7459

Ethics Workshops Coordinating Committee Chairs

........................Bill Allen 612-701-3813..................Mary Maher 612-247-3619

Student/New Professional Section..........Chair Chun Zhang 612-232-3612

NCFR Representative.....................Rose Allen 651-480-7745

Past Presidents....................Ada Alden 612-975-6990.....................Glen Palm 320-308-2129......................Ron Pitzer 612-331-1970

At-Large Members..................MIke Bender 763-331-4443

..............Michael Brown 651-582-8399................Carol Bruess 651-962-5829

............Peggy Cardenas 651-230-7220..........Colleen Clements 651-402-1224

...............Beth Gausman 763-432-7164.............Alisha Hardman 612-616-6906

....................Lisa Krause 763-438-1093............Raelene Ostberg 507-645-2948

...................Gail Peavey 612-940-4245................Sharon Powell 612-729-7459

Family Forum Editor: ......................Ron Pitzer 612-331-1970

Family Forum Managing Editor: ...............Linda Vukelich 651-278-4241

Minnesota Council on Family Relations2738 Evergreen Cir, St. Paul, MN 55110

phone: 651-407-0950 fax: 651-407-1754www.mcfr.net

Continued on page 3

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 3

thebestmanagersmayormaynotbecomegoodleadersbecausetheymaynothavethevisiontoknowwheretheorganizationshouldbeheading.Henotesthatatmostlevelsinanorganization,onecanbeagoodmanagerwithoutbeingaleaderbygettingtasksdoneeffectivelyandaccomplishinggoalssetbyhighermanagersandleaders.Butsolelybeingabletomanagepeoplewellmaynotbeenoughtoleadtheorganization.

I have a vision that strengthening all families is the best way to build a wonderful world for all.Ibelievethatfamiliesconstitutetheworldinwhichwelive.Therefore,itiscriticaltosupportandempowerallfamiliestostrengthenthefoundationoftheworld.Idon’tknowwhetherIamamanageroraleader,butIknowthat

Iamtryingtobeapersonwhostrivestomaketheworldabetterplaceforall,especiallybystrengtheningallfamilies.IfyouarereadingthisMCFRFamilyForum,Ibelieveyouhavealreadybeendoingwonderfulthingsforyourfamily,friends,communityand/ortheworld.AndIalsobelievethatifwecooperateandcollaboratetogether,ourvisionswillbecarriedouttotheirfullpotentialeffectivelynotonlyforusbutalsoforgenerationstocome.Inadditiontoyourownvisions,dreams,orgoals,IhopeyoucanhelpusachievethemissionofMCFRaswell.

Haveawonderfullifewithyourfamilyandfriends!

SanHa,M.Ed.MCFRPresident

From the President San Ha (Continued from page 2)

A note from the Editor:

Enjoythisissueofthenewsletter—perhapswhileexperiencingthepleasantsummerbreezes.Mythankstoall ofthecontributorswhohavepreparedtheseitemstoinformandenlightenus.Again,IencourageeachofyoutoconsidercontributingtoFamilyForumbypreparingabookrevieworaresearcharticle/brieforbysubmittinganitemfor“Members’Corner”(ourversionofLetterstotheEditor).IfyouhaveanysuggestionsforimprovementofFamilyForum,pleaseletmeknow.Thankyou.

RonPitzerFamilyForumeditor

Wearecallingforproposalsandpostersforthe2012MCFRFallConferenceonNovember16!Studentsandnewprofessionalswhoareinterestedinbuildingstrongrelationshipswithinthefamilylifefieldareencouragedtosubmittheirproposalsandposterseightweeksbeforetheconference–bymid‐

September.Also,studentsandnewprofessionalsatanylevelarewelcomedtoparticipateintheMCFRcommunity.EnjoythenicesummerandgetyourproposalsandpostersreadyfortheupcomingMCFRfallconference!!!

Student/New Professional Section    Chun Zhang, Student and New Professional Section 

June 11, 2012! Spring 2012 MCFR ConferenceSame-Sex Couples and their Families: Connecting Policy, Research and Practice

Como Park Visitor Center, Rainforest Auditorium, St Paul, MN

Tune-in to the Esme Murphy show on WCCO 850 am on Saturday, June 2 at 7:30 pm, to hear an interview with our keynote presenter Maureen Ittig, PhD!

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 4

Communications

Beth Yokom, MCFR Treasurer

Currently,MCFRfinancesareabitoutofstepwiththe2012budget,primarilyduetotheannualspringconferencedateofJune11,whichislaterthanusual.ThebudgetwascreatedassumingincomeandexpensesforaconferencetobeheldinAprilorearlyMay.So,let’s“dothenumbers”asofApril30,2012: YTDtotalincome $425.33 YTDtotalexpenses 3,939.65 YTDnetordinaryincome ‐3,514.32 TotalAssets 7,909.04

Thoughwearebelowbudgetprojectionsforincomeandexpenses,weexpectthingstocatchupfinanciallyasconferenceregistrationscomeinfortheJune11conference,Serving Same‐Sex Couples and Their Families: Connecting Policy, Research and Practice.

Makeyourplansnowtoattendtheconference!We’dlovetoseeALLMCFRmembersthereasweconsideraverytimelytopicfrommanyperspectives.Registrationandotherconferencedetailscanbefoundelsewhereinthisnewsletter.

Bestofall,whenyoureneworjoinMCFR,yousave$20ontheconferenceregistrationfee‐asoundfinancialdecisionforyourpocketbookandforours.MCFR’sfinancialhealthdependsuponmembershipandconferenceparticipation,sojoin/renewandregister!

I’mlookingforwardtoseeingyouattheconferenceonJune11!

Committee Reports Treasurer’s Corner

What’s New at NCFR

Thisyear’sNCFRConferencebeginsonOctober31inPhoenix,Arizona.YoumaynothaveHalloweenplansyet,butthinkaboutincludingNCFRinyourcelebration.Thisyear’sconferencethemeis“FamiliesandHealth”.Topeekattheprogram,gotohttp://www.ncfr.org/ncfr‐2012

Early bird registration rates end on June 30.NCFRpublishesReport‐aquarterlymagazineformembers.TheSpring2012issuefocusesonMilitaryFamilies.ThisissueisavailableforanyonetoviewontheNCFRwebsiteathttp://www.ncfr.org/ncfr‐report/reportcurrent‐issue

VideoLexiconisaprojectcurrentlybeingdonebyNCFR.Theyarecollectingshortconversationsfromsomeofthetopresearchersinthefamilyfieldandputtingthemon‐lineattheNCFRwebsite.http://www.ncfr.org/community/video‐lexicon

Minnesotaresearchersareincluded.Pauline BossdescribesAmbiguousLossandJean Illsley ClarketalksaboutOverindulgence.

Fortheseandotherresources–checkouttheNCFRwebsiteatwww.ncfr.org.

RoseAllen,PresidentElect–AffiliateCouncilBoard

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 5

IamstillinterestedinreceivingcasestudiesaboutethicalissuesthatparenteducatorsinMNarefacing.IntheinterestofkeepingthepurposeofthisMCFRcolumn(toidentifyethicalissuesandtoapplytheMCFRapproachtoethics)aliveIhavecreatedacasestudytoconsider.AsamemberoftheNationalParentingEducationNetwork(NPEN)IreadwithinteresttherecentdiscussionabouttheBacktoSleepcampaignandhowdifferentparenteducatorswererespondingtohowtheyconveyedthemessageofthiscampaigntoparents.TherecentTimemagazinearticleandcoveronAttachmentParentingbringsadifferentperspectivetosleepissuespromotingco‐sleeping.Helpinginfantssleepisacommontopicinparenteducationgroupsandcanbecomeanethicaldilemmaforparenteducators.TheNationalInstituteofChildHealthandDevelopmentinitiatedtheBacktoSleepcampaigninthe1990sasapreventativemeasureagainstSuddenInfantDeathSyndrome(SIDS).Seethewebsite(http://www.nichd.nih.gov/sids/)formoreinformationaboutthecampaignandtheevidencetobackuptheimportanceoftherecommendedpracticesforparentsaroundinfantsleep.ThediscussionontheNPENlistservhasbeenfocusedonhowtoshareinformationlikethiswithparents.InitiallyitappearedthatitwasjustamatteroftellingparentsthisiswhatisrecommendedfromareliablesourceandisbasedonresearchrelatedtoSIDS.Therearefewareasinparentingwherewecanfeelcompletelysureabouttherecommendationsthatwegive.PreventingSIDSbytellingparentsinamoreauthoritativewaytoput

babiestosleepontheirbacks(supineposition)seemslikeano‐brainer.Asthediscussionwentonitbecameclearthatitmightnotbeassimpleasitseems.YoumightalsowanttolookatthereviewofBacktoSleeponWikipedia(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back‐to‐Sleep).AttachmentParenting(AP)byDr.WilliamSearswasalsodevelopedasaparentingphilosophyduringthe1990s.OneoftheprinciplesofAPthatwasarticulatedwasaroundsleepwiththerecommendationforco‐sleepingasawaytodealwiththeinfant’sneedsduringthenight.APprovidessomeclearguidelinesabouthowtodothistobesafebutitstillappearstobeinconflictwiththeBacktoSleepcampaign.Itwouldnotbedifficulttoimagineaparentgroupforinfantsthathadparentswhohelddifferingviewsaboutsleeprepresentedbythetwogroupsidentified.ThequestionfortheparenteducatorishowtoshareinformationaboutBacktoSleepwithparents.Isitanethicaldilemma?Canthegroupprocessforethicalthinkingbeusedtoprovidenewinsightsintothissituationinbothhowtolistentoparentsandhowtosupportparentsinmakingdecisionsthatareinthebestinterestsoftheirbabiesandtheirfamilies.

There is a parent group of 9 mothers and 1 father with infants ages 3‐9 months.  Two parents in the group are “true Believers” of Attachment Parenting and have adapted co‐sleeping as part of their parenting practices.  The parent educator has raised two children who were infants prior to the Back to Sleep campaign.  Both typically slept on their tummies 

and encountered no problems.  She is a bit skeptical about the research behind Back to Sleep but feels the need to share it with parents.  There is another parent in the group who lost a sibling to SIDS during the 1980s and is an ardent advocate for Back to Sleep practices.  She can’t understand why anyone would risk not using this approach to putting babies to sleep.  Two other mothers are struggling with sleep issues and have tried putting their babies to sleep on their backs and are not finding this to work with their babies. TakesometimetoreviewtheMCFRethicalprocessandapplyittothiscase.Todecideifthisisindeedanethicaldilemma,reviewtheprinciplestoseewhichonesapply.Arethereconflictsbetweendifferentprinciplesinthelist?Forexampleinthefirstsetofprinciplesaboutrelationshipswithparentsnumber3reads,”Wewillrespectculturalbeliefs,backgroundsanddifferencesandengageinpracticethatissensitivetothediversityofchild‐rearingvaluesandgoals.”Thissuggeststhatwerespectthatparentsmayhavedifferentperspectivesonissueslikeinfantsleeping.Someparentsmayvalueco‐sleepingwhichisdifferentfromthecurrentrecommendations.Wecouldalsoapplyprinciple3fromSection2aboutourrelationshipswithchildren.Thisprinciplereads,“Wewilldonoharmtochildrenandyouthandinsistthesamefromothers.”TherecommendationsfromBacktoSleeparemadebasedonpublichealthresearchinformationmeanttoprotectchildrenandreducetheincidenceofSIDS.Wearealsocommittedtoourowndevelopmentofaknowledgebasethatguidesus

Parent Education Ethics in Practice by Glen Palm, Professor and Head, Family Studies Department, St Cloud State University, MCFR Board 

CaseStudy

Continued on page 6

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 6

Parent Education Ethics in Practice(Continued from page 5)

Ethical Thinking and Practice:Updating and Collaborating 

MaryMaher,President‐Electtowardethicalandeffectivepracticeasparenteducators.CantheMCFRprocessbeusedtoprovidesomenewinsightsintothisissueinbothhowtolistentoparentsandhowtohelpparentsmakedecisionsthatareinthebestinterestsoftheirbabiesandtheirfamilies?PleasesendanycommentsaboutyouranalysisofthiscaseusingtheMCFRethicsprocesssothattheresultscanbesharedinafutureissueoftheFamilyForum.

SevenpresentersoftheEthicsWorkshopsmeton4/27toreviewandedittheupdatedpowerpointpresentation.BillAllenisadaptingtheslidestoincludemanyofthegroup’swiseandcreativesuggestions.Thescriptwillalsobeamendedandthenactivemarketingoftheworkshopswillbeginagain.DawnCassidyandJasonSamuelsofNCFRheldaninitialmeetingwithBettyCookeandBethGausmantodevelopplansforaWebinarversionoftheworkshop.Asecondmeetingisscheduledfor5/10.WelookforwardtotheopportunitytopresentthismaterialtoCFLEsacrossthecountry.

Membership Update:Social Work Continuing Education 

CreditLetyourSocialWorkcolleaguesknowthatMCFRconferencesnowofferContinuingEducationCreditsfortheirlicensure.MembershipbringsaheftydiscounttotheregistrationfeeaswellasfirstaccesstoMinneNewsandtheForum.

Encourage a colleague or friend to join now!

Stay in touch at www.mcfr.net

Annual MCFR Conference – November 16, 2012

The keynote speaker for the

Annual MCFR Conferenceon Friday, November 16

will be

Pauline Boss, PhD

Pauline’smostrecentbookis“LovingSomeoneWhoHasDementia:Howtofindhopewhilecopingwithstressandgrief.”Buildinguponherbackgroundin

ambiguousloss,sheturnsthetablestofocusonthefamilieswhoarelivingwithdementiaandcaringforlovedones.ShehaskeptverybusywithmanyspeechesandworkthroughouttheUnitedStatesandbeyond.Weareveryluckytohaveherwithus,andwantedtosharethedateandnameearly.

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 7

MCFR Annual Conference – November 16, 2012ChangeinDateforourAnnualConference.InitiallyplannedforthefirstFridayinDecember,wechangedthedatewhenPaulineBosshadaconflictwithgettingbackfromasessionwithfamilytherapistsinJapanplanningsupportprogramsforfamilieswithambiguouslossfollowingthemassive2011tsunami.

Greatideasevolveovertime,andhowtheoryisdevelopedwillbeshownbyourkeynotespeaker,PaulineBoss.Hermostrecentbook,Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief,isagifttoanyfamilymemberwhohaddealtwithmemorylossofalovedone.

VernBengtson,PhD,USC,pastpresenterinMinnesotasaid:“Thisbookisamustforanyonesuffering

alongsidealovedonewithdementia.Dr.Bosswriteswiththewisdomofascholarandthewarmthofafamilytherapist.”MacaranA.Baird,MD,MS,professorandhead,UofMNMedicalSchool,Dept.ofFamilyMedicineandCommunityHealthsaid:“Thisismorethanasurvivalguideforunpaidcaregiversandsupportgroupsforfamiliesofthosewithdementia.Itisaneasilyunderstoodself‐caremanualforlivingwellthatilluminatesoptionsforfindingbalanceandresiliencewhilemanagingtheambiguouslossofhavingalovedonewithdementia.”

Otherpresentationswillbeconfirmedlater,butLeahHansonhasagreedtopresentthebackgroundfordevelopingthelongitudinalstudyatRegions

HospitalontheMinnesotaMemoryProject.Therewillbeacallforpresentationssothatthelifespanwillbeaddressed.Asusual,therewillbeworkshops,studentpresentations,food,andasilentauctiontofundscholarshipsforstudentstoattendconferences.TherewillalsobeanupdateoftheactivitiesoftheMinnesotaCouncilonFamilyRelationsthroughouttheyear–andhonoringspecialpeoplewithourtwoMCFRAwards.

Thelocationfortheconferencewillbeidentifiedshortly.

Ifthisintriguesyou,pleaseletmeknow.Wewouldlovetohaveyouonourplanningteam.Myemailis:smeyers@umn.edu.MinnellTralleandLeanneSponselarealsoonthecommittee.

Welookforwardtoseeingyou

SueMeyers,Chair,AnnualConferencePlanningCommittee

Recentresearch,citedonlinebyHuffpostHealthyLiving1/12/2012,indicatesthatInternetaddictsexperiencebrainchangessimilartothoseofalcoholicsandgamblers.Thenewlypublishedstudy,inPlosOne,ajournalofthePublicLibraryScience,saysthatbrainsofInternetaddictsseemtoundergochemicalchangessimilartothoseofalcoholicsandotherdrugaddicts.ThereisnowadiagnosticevaluationcalledIADorInternetAddictionDisorder.Researchersfounddifferencesbetweenaddictsandnon‐addictsinthepartofthebrainlinkedtoemotionalprocessing,executive

thinkingskillsandcognitivefunctioning.WithInternetaddicts,researcherswereabletofindthepartofthebrainwhereabnormalconnectionsbetweennervefibers,similartothebrainsofalcoholicsandotherswithimpulsecontroldisorders,werefound.ResearcherHenriettaBowden‐Jones,SeniorLectureratImperialCollegeLondon,said,“Wearefinallybeingtoldwhatclinicianssuspectedforsometimenow,thatwhite‐matterabnormalitiesintheorbito‐frontalcortexandothertrulysignificantbrainareasarepresentnotonlyinaddictionswheresubstancesareinvolvedbutalsoinbehavioral

onessuchasInternetaddiction.”Researchershavelongarguedoverwhethervarioustypesoftechnologyaddiction,suchasInternetandvideogames,shouldbeofficiallyclassifiedasamentalillness.Thisresearchshouldputthatargumenttorest.TherehaveevenbeensomedeathsreportedduetoInternetaddiction:a20‐year‐oldvideogamesenthusiastwhodiedfromabloodclotdoctorsbelievedevelopedbecausehewasspendingmorethan12hoursadayplayingvideogames,anda21‐year‐oldmanfounddeadinhishometwomonthsafterhedevelopedagaming

review Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap

Reviewed by Marcie Parker, Ph.D., CFLE, President and CEO of Parker and Associates, a healthcare research and consulting firm in Excelsior, Minnesota.

[By Kevin Roberts; published by Hazelden-call 1-800-328-9000; 2010; ISBN # 978-1-59-285-948-1; softcover; 2010, 181 pages]

Continued on page 8

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 8

addictionsostrongherarelysleptorlefthisroom‐‐‐‐despitedifficultybreathing,thismanrefusedtogotothedoctorandcontinuedplayingvideogames.AsofNovember2011,SouthKoreahasanewlawrequiringgamingsitestoshutoutplayersunder16fora6‐hourblockeverynight. KevinRobertsisarecoveringvideogameaddictwhohaswrittenthisbookinordertohelpaddicts,theirfriendsandfamilymemberscometogripswithInternetaddictionandseekhelp.Robertssaysthatincreasingnumbersofpeopleareisolatingthemselves,ignoringrealityandrealhumanrelationships,turningtheirbacksonfamilyandfriends,andevenlosingtheirjobsandlivelihoodsduetotheiraddictiontotheInternetandvideogames.Robertsprovidescompulsivegamersandsurfers,theirfamilies,friendsandco‐workers,withastep‐by‐stepguidetowardrecovery.Thekindsofhelpheoffersincludesupportgroupstoassistthosestrugglingwithcyberaddiction,aswellasreferralsforone‐on‐oneandfamilyandgrouptherapyandpsychiatrichelpwithdrugtherapyaswell. Oneofthethingsthatmakesthisaddictionchallengingisthatweall,tosomedegreeoranother,mustusetheInternetonaregularbasisatworkandathomeinordertofunction.Inthisway,itissimilartoanorexia,bulimiaandbinginginthatweallneedtoeatandneedtohaveabalancedandpeacefulrelationshipwithfood.Thus,aswithfood,wemustdevelopahealthyrelationshipwithonlineactivities.Anotherthingthatcanmakethisadifficultaddictiontobreakisthatthesameskillsandaptitudesthatcanleadtotwenty‐firstcenturyaddictswhoturnaninnocentpastimeintosomethingwhichtakescontroloverone’slife,alternatesrealityandalienatesfamilyandfriends,canalsoleadacyberaddictto

challengingandhighlylucrativecareers. Thereis,ofcourse,abrightupsidetousingtheInternetandplayingvideogames.AsRobertspointsout,successasabusinessleadermaydependonskillsdevelopedasagamer.Onlinegamerscompeteincomplexandchangingvirtualenvironments,organize,buildskillsandfunctioninvariousrolesandmustlearntorecruit,organize,motivateanddirectlargegroupsofplayerstowardasinglespecificgoal.Theyalsolearntotakecalculatedrisksandmakedecisivedecisionswithimperfectandincompleteinformation.Theseonlinemanagersmustalsodealskillfullywithconflictandconflictresolution.Ithasbeenreportedthatsurgeonswhoplayvideogamesmorethan3hoursaweekare37%lesslikelytomakemistakesduringaspecificsurgicalprocedureandfinishtheprocedure27%fasterthannon‐gamers.Videogamesarealsocriticallyimportantindevelopingandmaintainingtheskillsofsoldiersresponsibleforelectronicbattlefieldmonitoringandpredatordronesurveillance.Educationalresearchersfindthateducationalvideogamesinclassroomsprovideaninteractivewaytoimpartinformationandmorefullyengagestudentsinlearning.OncologistshavesuccessfullyusedagamecallRe‐Missionwithyoungcancerpatientstoimprovetherapeuticadherenceandtreatmentsuccess.Theelderlyhavebegunusingvideogamestomaintainphysicalandmentalagilityandtokeepupwithsocialnetworkingnationwideandworldwide. Withallthissaid,therearesomeInternetusersandvideogamerswhobecomestronglyaddictedandstruggletofunctioninreality,workandfamily.AsDr.JohnEveringhamsaysintheforeword,“Likemanyaddicts,Ihavetradedoneaddictionforanotherthroughoutmylife.”[p.X]

Ibecameawareofthisserialaddictionwatchingaco‐workerinoneofmyfirstpositionsasaresearcher.Thisgalwasaddicted,serially,tomarijuana,cocaine,caffeine,sex,overeating,dieting,drinking4‐5bottlesofNyquileachnighttogettosleep,exerciseandonandon.IamsurebynowshehasspedthroughInternetaddictionandisontosomethingelse.Thiswasmyfirstrealawarenessthatnature/geneticsmightplayamuchbiggerroleinaddictionsthanwascommonlyarguedbythenurturecamp.” RobertsfascinatingnewbookincludesanIntroduction,WelcometotheCyberUniverse,ChooseYourPoison,YourBraininCyberland,IntotheBlackHole,ClimbingOutoftheHole,TheJourneyofRecoveryContinues,AGuideforLovedOnes,Resources,NotesandAbouttheAuthor.Inchapters1‐2,hehelpsuspeerintoandunderstandthecyberworld.Inchapters3‐4,Robertslooksatthescienceandbehaviorsinvolvedinaddiction,andhowthisaddictionis similartoothers.Inchapters5‐6hetellsthestoryofhisownrecoveryandprovidescasestudiesofotherswhohaveovercomethisaddiction.Andinchapter7,Robertsofferswaysthatfamilyandfriendsofacyberjunkiecanhelp,whetherthatpersonisachildoranadult. Hepointsoutthatformostpeople,whilevideoandcomputergamesandotherformsofdigitaltechnologyaremerelyusefulandharmlessadditionstoourlives,forotherstheiruseiscompulsiveandexcessive.Timespentwiththesedevicesbeginstosupplantrealrelationshipswithrealpeopleandcauseaddictstoturnawayfromsocialsituations,timespentwithfamilyandfriendsandevenlossofjobs.Thisaddictionbeginstotakeitstollonone’smental,physical,andemotionalhealth.Robertssaysthathe

Continued on page 9

Review - Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap (Continued from page 7)

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 9

experiencescarpaltunnelsyndromeandpersistentbackpainfromhisaddictiontovideogamesandtheInternet,hehasmissedappointments,lostjobs,lostlotsofmoneyandcreatedsignificantbarrierstohismaintainingrelationshipsandfriendships.Insteadofspendingtimewithfriendsandfamily,hewouldsinkhoursanddaysintochattingwithso‐called“friends”aroundtheworld.Hemissedsocialgatherings,dinnerswithfriendsandtimewithfamily.Hehadaninsatiableurgetogame,surfandchatonline,oftenin50‐hourgamingbingesandall‐nightonlinechatting.Healsobeganlyingtofriends,claimingtobeonanout‐of‐towntrip,when,infact,hewasspendingdaysandnightsonthecomputer. Likemostaddicts,RobertsdideverythinghecouldtohidehisInternet/gamingaddictionfromeveryone.Likegamblingaddiction,itcanbekeptsecretfromfamilyandfriendsuntilthegamblerhascleanedoutallthesavings,401Kplans,andpensionsandlostthehousebeforeanyoneinthefamilyrealizeswhatisgoingon.ItfinallytookRoberts’willingnesstoadmithehadaproblemtomakeuseoftalktherapy,drugtherapy,friendsandstrongsupportgroupstoallowhimtogainsomedegreeofcontrolovertheaddiction.Inordertowritethisbook,Robertshashadtotalkwithplayersfromaroundtheworld,visitgamingforums,takeacloselookatFacebook,MySpaceandothernetworkingsitesandscourtheprofessionalliteratureforwhatlittleresearchexistsonthetopic.Whathefoundisthatbecausecyberaddictionisanewphenomenon,thereislittleresearchonthetopicbuttheresearchisswellingeveryyear. ThegoalofthisbookistohelpanyoneaffectedbyoveruseoftheInternet,videogamesorotherelectronicdevices.Theaddict,someonewholoveshimorher,apartner,achild,orafriendcouldallusethisbooktoadvantage.Thiscanbeaverydifficultaddictionforfamily

andfriendstounderstand.SomegamershavesuchanaddictionthattheywillactuallyurinateinabottleratherthangetuptousethebathroomandwillforegomealsandjobsratherthansignofftheInternet.Socialnetworks,whichcanencouragebroadeningone’shorizons,fosterartisticandcreativetalents,enhancecommunication,travelandnetworking,canalsostuntrealtimehumancontactandrelationships.Videogamesalsoencourageahighlysedentarylifestyleinchildrenandteenswhentheyreallyneedphysicalactivity,friends,asociallifeandhometime. Thisbookiswell‐written,packedwithcasestudies,verbatimquotesfromaddicts,theirfriends,parents,familiesandspouses,andwhatweknowtodateabouttheresearch.Italsocontainslists[e.g.WarningSignsofCyberAddiction,p.65]andassessmentandself‐assessmentchecklists.AhighpercentageofgamingaddictsseemtohaveAsperger’s[ahigh‐functioningformofautism],ADHD,bipolardisorderandothercomorbidities.And,aswithalladdictions,Robertscoversthetopicofwhattodoincaseofarelapse[seep.136ff].Weknowfromthebehaviorchangeliteratureonmakingahabitchangethatitisnotuncommonforpeopletoexperiencesevenormorerelapsesbeforetheyarefinallyabletomakethechangetheyareseekingapermanentpartoftheirlives. Therearesomeminorquibbleswiththebook,suchasstraysthatmissedtheeditor’seye[using“are”insteadof“is”or“less”insteadof“fewer”].Overall,thisisafascinatingbook,muchneededandonewhichwillbeagreatusetoawideaudienceofhealthcareproviders,therapists,parents,teachers,employers,andaddictsthemselves.Istronglyrecommendthebookasonewhichiseasytoread,accessibleandwhichperformsagreatservicetousall.

Review - Cyber Junkie: Escape the Gaming and Internet Trap (Continued from page 8)

June 11, 2012! Spring 2012 MCFR Conference

Same-Sex Couples and their Families:Connecting Policy, Research and Practice

Como Park Visitor Center, Rainforest Auditorium, St Paul, MN

Register today! Online and mail/fax registration available at www.mcfr.net

Tune-in to the Esme Murphy show on WCCO 850 am Saturday, June 2 at 7:30 pm, to hear an interview with our keynote presenter Maureen Ittig, PhD!

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 10

MCFR History SueMeyers,ProfessorEmeritus,SchoolofSocialWork,UniversityofMinnesota;MCFRHistorianandBoardmember

Changesaremanyduringthespring‐summertransition.Therearegraduations,marriages,jobchanges,illnesses,retirements,childrenborn,movesawayfromhomeandevenconstructionzonestoaddtothelist.Howweapproacheachchangedependsonourperspectiveofchange.Isitagainorloss–orjustachange? ThelateJohnBrantnersaidthatweallcouldbenefitbychangingthewaywedothings.Hisexamplewaswherehesatduringachurchservice.Formany,theirexpectedlocationforsittingisassumed,andothersin“their”spaceareintruders.Brantnersaidthattheentireviewaroundapersonandhis/herplaceinitischangedwhenwephysicallymove.Thesunshinesdifferentlythroughthecolorfulwindowswhenseenfromadifferentangle. Constructionzonesforceustomakechanges–agivenforMinnesotaduringsummer.Ifyouknowoptions,itiseasier.Ifyouhavenevertraveledofffreeways,thetripwillbearduous.Orasmanyparentsofadevelopmentallydelayedchildknow,welcometoHolland.Youdidn’tplantogotoHolland,andthoughitislovely,itwasnotthelocationyouthoughtyouwereheadingtoforthose8months. Allchangesbringexcitementandfear.Newretireesarelearningwhattobeactiveinandhowtosavespaceforindividualinterests.Othersarefollowingpassionsheldincheckbecauseoftheiroccupations.Foranumber,familychangeswillmakeaquickchangeofperspective–

whetherpositiveornegative.Apartner’sillnessordeathofparentisscaryandremindsusofhumanlimits.Movingtoanewlocationandjobcanbestimulatingbutalsocancutlong‐heldfriendships. InApril,IwasabletoattendapresentationbyIraReiss,notedsociologistwhofocusedonhumansexuality.Hiswife,Harriet,hasbeenonthisjourneywithhim.The“young”retireesatthemeetingweresurprisedatsomestatisticsofchangesinsexualitybyyoungadults.Followinghispresentation,IattendedaworkshopwithPaulineBossonambiguouslossinfamilies.Shewovetheresearchandtheorybuildingintoaframeworkforunderstandingdynamicsoffamiliestoday–fromlivingwithstroke,toautism,todementia.Thegroupwasveryinterestedandprovidedexamplesforothersforsupport. SeveralmonthsagoIspokewithSanderLatts,apastpresidentofMCFR.Hediedlastmonthofkidneydisease.Heknewitwouldbedifficultandmadeuseofhospicecareduringthelaststagesofhisdisease.WewereamongtheMinnesotansatNCFRwhoremarkedthatwereallyshouldgettogetherinMinnesotainsteadofonlywhentravelingtoallthosefinecitieswhereNCFRwasheld. Mayallyourchangesenhancewhoyouareandprovidefodderforworkingwithfamilieswhetherpersonally,professionallyorasavolunteer.Thosegroundedinthefamilyfieldhaveexcellenttoolstoadapttochangesoccurringthroughouttheyears.

Annual MCFR Conference – November 16, 2012

The keynote speaker for the

Annual MCFR Conferenceon Friday, November 16

will be

Pauline Boss, PhDPauline’s most recent book is “Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: 

How to find hope while coping with stress and grief.”  Building upon her background in ambiguous loss, she turns the tables to focus on the families who are living with dementia and caring for loved ones.  She has kept very busy with many speeches and work 

throughout the United States and beyond. We are very lucky to have her with us. 

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 11

Serving Same-Sex Couples and Their Families -Minnesota Council on Family Relations presents:

Connecting Policy, Research and Practice The conference will offer an opportunity to carefully examine the proposed marriage amendment by applying the Family Impact Analysis tool to better understand the ramifications of this policy. The interactive program will also include sessions to inform and support family practitioners in

serving all Minnesota families.

Conference Features: National and Minnesota Experts

Interactive Program Components! Two sets of Concurrent Breakout Sessions! Photography Exhibit! Theatrical Performance! Bookseller! Resource Fair! Continuing Education Credit

Clock HoursCFLESocial Work CE

Keynote presenter:

Dr Maureen IttigResearch Associate, Project Director, Penn State University

Monday, June 11, 20128:30 am - 4:30 pm

Como Park Visitor CenterRainforest Auditorium

St Paul, Minnesota

Registration form on reverse or Register online at www.mcfr.net. MCFR members save with member pricing. Scholarships available!

Call 651-321-3919 for more information.

MCFR Family Forum, Spring 2012, page 12

Registration: MCFR Annual Spring ConferenceOnline: Register online with a credit card at www.mcfr.netMail: Mail this registration form with payment to: MCFR, 2738 Evergreen Circle, St. Paul, MN 55110Fax: Fax this completed form with credit card information to:

651-407-1754

Name:___________________________________________________________________________

Address:________________________________________________________________________

City, State Zip:___________________________________________________________________

Email:___________________________________________________________________________

Phone:__________________________________________________________________________

REGISTRATION FEES: ☐ Member $99 ☐ Nonmember $119 ☐ Student/New Professional/Retired $49 ☐ Scholarship*

MCFR DUES: ☐ Individual $45 ☐ Student/Retired $25 ☐ Organization $75 (2 mbr regs)

AMOUNT DUE: Registration $_______________ Dues $_______________

TOTAL ENCLOSED/AUTHORIZED: $_______________

PAYMENT METHOD:

☐ Check enclosed ☐ Credit card [ ☐Visa, ☐MC ] Exp: ☐ ☐/☐ ☐

______________________________________________Card # code ☐ ☐ ☐_____________________________________________________________Name on Card:

__________________________________________________Billing Address (if different):

________________________________________________Sign:

☐ *Scholarship (Application required) Scholarships are available for MCFR student members and other MCFR members with financial need. Scholarship applications are available at www.mcfr.net and must be submitted by May 25. MCFR membership required. Recipients will be notified by June 1.

Minnesota Council on Family Relations presents

Serving Same-Sex Couples and Their Families-Connecting Policy, Research & Practice

Monday, June 11, 2012 8:30 am - 4:30 pm Como Park’s Rainforest Auditorium

Questions? Call 651-321-3919 or go to www.mcfr.net