By Trevor JinLayout Editor

And Field Day Is... As the tired Priory student body shuffl ed into the theater, a great surprise awaited them: Field Day. Aft er the usual general announcements, Vice President Ted Tooley ap-proached the crowd with a beaming grin, “It’s now time for what you’ve all been waiting for. Field Day. You know that we here at STU-CO like to do it big, so without further ado, the Field Day theme is…” As the fi ery image graced the Kevin Kline projector screen, the crowd broke out into raucous applause — Wolves vs. Helicop-ters. “I thought it was a fantastic idea to honor an age-old rivalry. I’d give helicopters a slight edge.” said senior Carter Gage. Th e im-age featured an airborne wolf lunging at a retreating helicopter,

with cars and debris dispersing from the explosion. When sophomore Jimmy Newell fi rst saw the image, the only words that came to mind

were “Pure awesomeness.” How-ever, Wolves vs. Helicopters was never meant to be. It was soon replaced by a Mario Party theme with Team Mario, Team Luigi, Team Donkey Kong, and Toad Squad. Th e crowd still cheered at the actual theme, but not with as much passion and desire as the chance of being a Wolf or a Heli-copter.

Th e head of Team Luigi, Andrew Rhodes, has even ex-pressed his sadness, “I have always imagined the end of the world coming in a giant clash between

beast and ma-chine, I would have liked to have seen this emulated in this year’s fi eld day contest.” Latin teach-er Mr. Carroll had a heart-felt message for senior Stu-dent Council: “I was deeply hurt by your

deception this morning. While I approve of the Mario theme, being as I am a child of the 80’s, nevertheless I had the highest hopes for Wolves vs. Helicopters (particularly given the glorious and epic image projected on the theater screen). It is my sincere hope that a future student coun-cil will adopt Wolves vs. Helicop-ters as its Field Day theme.”

Th e Senior Student Council members for the 2012-2013 school year have been decided. Back Page

sENior stuCo ElECtEd

Vol. Xlii, issuE 17 3/23/12 tHE oFFiCial studENt NEwsPaPEr oF saiNt louis PriorY sCHool

THE RECORD

2tHE rECord staFF

t H E P r i o rY r E C o r d@G M a i l.C o M

Editor iN CHiEFluKE d slaBauGH

laYout EditortrEVor JiN

CoNtENt EditorCartEr GaGE

FEaturE

The Record is the offi-cial student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is pro-duced by student editors/staff members. Its purpose isthreefold: to inform stu-dents of events in the com-munity; to encourage dis-cussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a trainingground for budding jour-nalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Re-cord accepts contributions from all members of the Pr iory community, includ-ing students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will notpublish content consideredlegally unprotected speech,including but not limited to: libel, copyright in-fringement, or unwarrant-ed invasion of privacy, or material disruption of theeducational process. Stu-dent edi tors apply profes-sional standards to the production of the newspa-per and are solely respon-sible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editorsare always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

Investment Club is Expanding

At the beginning of the winter term, fi ft een Priory students joined an exciting new club with a lot of potential, the Investment Club. Aft er a successful fi rst term, the club has now ex-panded to twenty members and contin-ues to grow. T h e Invest ment Club off ers a way for Priory stu-dents to learn about invest-ing and the stock market in a low-risk and laid-back e n v i r o n -ment. At the same time, the club teaches students about strategies and trading tech-niques that can be applied to the real world. Th e mem-bers simulate trading on the stock market and compete for the highest portfolio value each term. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to know anything about in-vesting to be in the club. At the club’s fi rst meeting back in November, most of the members knew very little, if anything, about the stock market and investing in general. Under the guid-ance of Mr. Holtmeyer, the

club sponsor, all the mem-bers turned their initial, basic knowledge into an understanding of the stock market that can be applied to real life. Th e Investment Club meets in Room

301(the computer lab) dur-ing A week. Th e fi rst club meeting of each term is a tutorial about the club and how it works. Th e Invest-ment Club has a Google e-mail account, and uses Google’s Finance app. Each member creates their own portfolio in the account. Everybody starts out with a simulated $75,000 and can invest in whatever stock they want, from any mar-ket, U.S. or foreign. Whoev-er has the highest portfolio value at the end of the term wins the competition. (Th e Investment Club ended last

term with sophomore John Paul Austin winning the portfolio value competition. He had a gain of 100% in his portfolio, and he ended the term with $150,000). Th e Investment Club tries to mimic trad-

ing on Wall Street. At the begin-ning of the club period, the Invest-ment Club account is opened, and the club m e m b e r s buy and sell stock until the end of the period.

Th ere is also open discussion about news around the U.S. stock mar-kets. Th e club talks about the current events around the world that aff ect the market, such as the debt problems in Greece. Indi-vidual stocks are also dis-cussed. Th e club had its sec-ond meeting of the term last week, and is in the midst of another heated competi-tion. Th e Investment Club is an exciting new club that is just getting started. Th e club members are looking forward to another success-ful term.

By Jarret LowellStaff Writer

Investment Club hard at work. Jared Holtmeyer | Record Weekly

3Editorial

We here on The Record’s ed-iting staff deeply apologize for the inappropriate comments that were included and unedited in the letter to The Meat and The Heat last week. As you may recall, The Heat did make reference to “playing for both teams” and “seducing” women, both of which are rude and unacceptable. After being informed that multiple members of the school

community were offended by the content of the letter, we deeply re-gret having published such a letter raw and unedited. The author did not intend for his comments to be interpreted either as homophobic or misogynistic. With us being a Catholic in-stitution and all, such references in the letter were unwarranted and are taken seriously. Rest assured that no

one on the The Record’s staff has any malicious intentions or sentiments against people of different walks of life. We as a paper do not have any disdain for the structured family system, or women, for that matter. I apologize for the lack of judgment both on behalf of the author and myself. Thank you, and enjoy your Spring Break.

Article ApologyBy Luke D Slabaugh

Editor In Chief

By Fr. RalphContributor

Ralph’s Rages

OBSERVATION 9DR BERNARD NATHANSON on

Ultrasound (March 2, 2000)

It was, in short, a window into the womb. We knew, as an arti-cle of faith, that there was an unborn baby in a pregnant woman’s womb but we’d never seen it, we’d never studied it, we had no data on it and as a result it was easy to deny that this was a person. But now we had technologies which showed us on a screen right in front of us what that baby looked like. How it sucked its thumb, how it urinated, how it swallowed, how it slept, how it was dream-ing, how many times a minute it would move. How it would move. It showed us its breathing move-ments...everything. Suddenly we began to ac-cumulate data, scientific data, about

this unborn baby.Measurements were made, obser-vations. Tests were done.” “So...as material accumulated, data piled up, tests began to show that this per-son, this blob of cells, this creature in the womb, was a human being in another form, just as you once were infants. If any of you look at your infant pictures when you were 3 months or 4 months old you’d say: “That was me? It doesn’t look like me.” So you were also at one point, each one of you, a collection of cells, unrecognizable as a human being in the mother’s womb but, whether you looked like a human being or not you were a human being and a person growing, and organizing yourself and ordering yourself into what we now see before us as each other, maturing human beings.”

OBSERVATION 10Bishop Ricken, August 2004

Bishop Ricken reflects… that abortion will one day be seen as the most important human rights issue of our time: “A dispassionate analysis of the phenomenon of le-galized abortion may in retrospect show it to be the greatest human rights issue of our times. Although this generation may be inured to the grim reality of abortion, it seems likely that once civilization has come to its senses, future generations will look back on our time as the most barbarous in history, not merely for our wars and terrorism, but especially for the antiseptic extermination of the most defenseless members of our society, the poorest of the poor, the most helpless of the helpless, simply be-cause they have no voice.”

4 PuzzlEsCrossword Puzzle

SudokuDifficulty -Evil

Cryptogram

- Stephen Colbert

ACROSS1. Thin disk of unleavened bread6. Thin strip10. Not hard14. Licoricelike flavor15. Spindle16. End ___17. An Italian woman of rank18. Location19. A coniferous tree20. Vacillation22. Kiss lightly23. Plaything

24. Previously26. A lesser ape30. Type of beer32. Lazybones33. Sweetheart37. Notch38. Submarine detector39. Bright thought40. Geological structural features42. Declares43. Wear away44. Slender45. Scatter47. P48. Throat-clear-

ing sound49. Annoying56. Windmill blade57. Diva’s solo58. Wrath59. Weightlifters pump this60. Focusing glass61. Estimate62. Fender blem-ish63. Balcony sec-tion64. Excrete

DOWN1. Dry riverbed2. Nameless3. Discover4. Feudal worker5. Atomic pile6. Impudent7. 62 in Roman numerals8. Countertenor9. Adolescent10. Encouraging11. Willow12. Fight with swords13. Journey

21. Charged par-ticle25. Bog26. Essence27. Doing nothing28. Coalition29. Improvement30. Javelin31. “Oh my!”33. Cancel34. False god35. Colorful sala-mander36. Leisure38. Sphere of water crystals 41. Min-

eral rock42. Median44. Behold45. Portion46. Mortise and _____ joint47. Stage48. Keen50. Chocolate cookie51. Bell sound52. Cozy53. Curved molding54. Untidyness55. At one time (archaic)

PuzzlEs 5Crossword Puzzle

SudokuDifficulty -Evil

Cryptogram

- Stephen Colbert

ACROSS1. Dogfish5. Small fatty European fish10. Achy14. Mats of grass15. Rental agree-ment16. Prune17. An outline of a solid object19. Chills and fever20. Before, poeti-cally21. Stream22. Tablet23. Patio

25. Sea27. Consumed food28. Infallible31. Stop34. Rank35. Menagerie36. Whip37. Hard to pin down38. Quash39. Clairvoyant’s gift40. Basic belief41. Acted pre-sumptuously42. Emotional sensitivity

44. Possesses45. Leases46. Sparrow hawk50. Impudent girl52. Synagogue scroll54. French for “Friend”55. Auspices56. Destruction58. Found in some lotions59. Pee60. Initial wager61. Unit of force62. Banana oil, e.g.63. End ___

DOWN1. Something of value2. Wavelike design3. Lazybones4. Residue from a fire5. Floodgate6. Annoy7. Be worthy of8. Space traveller9. T10. Anagram of “Rascal”11. Union represen-tative12. Defeat deci-sively

13. Type of sword 18. Give a speech22. Arid24. Impetuous26. Formally sur-render28. Prods29. Memo30. Well-behaved31. Musical staff symbol32. Leisure33. A disparaging remark34. Mobsters37. Blow off steam38. Widespread 40. Small

41. Fish broth43. Renter44. Doctor46. Danish mon-etary unit47. Showers48. Overact49. A protective covering50. A person who is in charge51. Not pretty53. Leave out56. Fitting57. Letter after sigma

6 NEws

Your 2012-2013 Senior STUCO Members

My friends, the seniors will soon hand off their responsi-bility of this school to a new lega-cy of student council members. It is bittersweet seeing them leave, as they have done a tremendous job of leading this school by ex-ample. Thank you, seniors, for showing us what the ideal Priory senior STUCO should be. Without further ado, I would like to introduce the school to our five members of the Council (whose offices are to be determined today):

Ed Houser: Bass vocalist ex-traordinaire, he would be a Ralph Lauren Polo model, and general whiz kid, Ed brings a great sense of humor, a hard-working per-sonality, and a smile and haircut of which the student body could never grow tired. Ed, congratula-tions, we are very excited to see what you can do this year.

Andrew Fogarty: The nicer-than-even-your-grandmother guy, the 4th year returner, and the friend to any and all, Andrew brings the experience of previ-ous years to smoothly execute all school events and concession du-ties with precision and accuracy. He will never miss an opportuni-ty to help out this school, which we know he loves. Congratula-tions Andrew on being elected for a fourth time and for your se-nior year, keep up the great work.

John Vitale: The B-set hero, ever curious about your last dinner and weekend itinerary, weight room idol, and all around comic, John will embody the life of next year’s student council: that is fun, dedicated, and light-spirited. John, congratulations, your class and your school has great expec-tations for you next year. Expect there to be a “Best of What You Had for Dinner Last Night” an-

nouncement at school assem-blies.

Peter Cogan: Peter never gets tired, freakishly never tired, is a tireless workhorse and fantastic idea man. Peter represents a col-orful section of our class (think Dan Jacob and Thomas Burton-esque) and that can only mean one thing: the best ideas are probably gonna come from this guy. Peter is responsible and was a good pick out of the second and final round of voting. Peter, let’s see what you got.

Jack Mueller: Know that I will do my best to lead by my actions and make next year the best ever. I expect so much from this class and I know that it will reverber-ate into the underclassmen and junior school. We represent our school, our friends, our brothers. Laus tibi Domine.

By Jack MuellerStaff Writer

Peter Cogan Andrew Fogarty Ed Houser Jack Mueller John Vitale