Winning the War

with Yourself

Webinar Presentation, January 16, 2013

Joe Tye, CEO and Head CoachValues Coach Inc.

Copyright © 2013, Values Coach

Inc.

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If you have questions that I did not address in this webinar, send me an email and I’ll respond:

joe@joetye.com

“I count him braver who

overcomes [himself]

than him who

overcomes his enemies;

for the hardest victory

is the victory

over self.”

Aristotle

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“Know the enemy, know

yourself; your victory will

never be endangered.”

Sun Tzu: The Art of War

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“Know the weather, know

the terrain; your victory

will be total”

Sun Tzu: The Art of War

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“Those who are

determined to die with

glory will live, while those

who merely hope to

escape with their lives

will die.”

Wu Ch’i: The Art of

War

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Key goals of this

webinar*….

*And all in 60 minutes!

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1. Recognize Your Own Worst

Enemy (YOWE) when it shows up

2. Prevent YOWE from causing you

to act in ways that are not in

your own best interest

3. Share practical strategies for

more positive attitude and

behaviors

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Have you

ever…

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Said or done something

you later regretted?

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Procrastinated – put off

doing something

important?

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Given in to a poor self-

image or low self-

esteem?

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Given up on a dream?

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Had buyers’ remorse

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If your answers to these

questions is “no” then

watch for our remedial

course on honesty

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But if you answered yes,

then bring your two

hands together…

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And shake hands with

your own worst enemy

(YOWE)

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YOWE: When lesser self

runs the show and best

self stands in the shadow

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It’s the eternal struggle

between Ego and Soul

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Ego wants things, Soul

wants time. Ego wants

fame, Soul wants friends.

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Ego is insecure yet

arrogant, Soul is centered

yet humble.

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Ego is concerned about

what other people think,

Soul is concerned about

how others feel.

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When things go wrong,

Ego points a finger, Soul

looks in the mirror.

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Ego complains, Soul gives

thanks. The voice of Ego

is loud and demanding,

the voice of Soul is soft

and accepting.

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Symptoms that

YOWE is in

charge

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Wishful thinking replaces

positive thinking

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Wishful thinking is hoping

for something and

waiting for someone else

to make it happen

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Positive thinking is

expecting something and

working to make it

happen

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Short-term focus: Having

fun vs. being happy

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Hanging out in your

comfort zone

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Procrastination and

Rationalization

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Focus on self-interest

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“When Napoleon stopped

fighting for France and

started fighting for

Napoleon, France fall.”

Dwight Eisenhower

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Toxic Emotional

Negativity

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The Victim

Spiral

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Starts with Learned

Helplessness

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Degenerates into

Blame Game

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And descends into

Victim Syndrome

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YOWE makes decisions

for the “You” of right now

– never for the “You” of

the future.

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No one on then deathbed

ever says “I wish I’d

watched more television”

or “I wish I’d spent more

time in the office – or in

bars”

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The four universal end-of-

life regrets…

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Relationships

I wish I’d spent more time

with family and friends

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Experiences

I wish I’d (started the

business, written the

book, traveled the world,

etc.)

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Finances

I wish I’d spent less and

saved more

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Health

If I’d known I was going

to live this long I’d have

taken better care of

myself

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The Pyramid of Self-Belief

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21 Actions for

Winning the

War with

Yourself

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Action #1

Learn to recognize the

voice of YOWE and the

lies it will tell

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Challenge self-limiting

assumption about

yourself and what is

possible

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You never “can’t”

You just can’t yet

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Confront the malignant

echo of negative self-talk

– it’s nothing more than

mental graffiti

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Employ The Janitor in

Your Attic™ to erase the

mental graffiti of

negative self-talk.

You can rewire the hardware by

reprogramming the software!

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Action #2

Replace self-diminishing

labels with accurate

descriptions

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You are not lazy (a self-

destructive label – not to

mention being a

character defect)

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You have a hard time

getting started (a

problem that can be

solved)

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Action #3

Replace self-sabotaging

metaphors with those

that affirm

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Action #4

Play the Reporter Game

Playing Reporter will help

you to…

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See the world as it is: not

as it used to be, as you

think it should be, as you

wish it were, or as you

fear it might become –

and…

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You never have to defend

or apologize for things

that you didn’t say.

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Action #5

Don’t pick fights you

don’t need

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Action #6

Focus your dissatisfaction

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Dissatisfaction can be a

great source of energy if

you aren’t promiscuous in

how you throw it around.

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Any time you catch

yourself whining or

complaining, redirect that

unhappiness onto the one

dissatisfaction that really

matters to you.

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Action #7

Change your trajectory

with DDQs (Direction

Deflection Question™)

DDQ

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Will what I’m

about to do or

say help me be

my best self?

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A DDQ is really

three

questions…

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Question #1

Who am I when I’m being

my best self in any

situation?

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Question #2

Is what I’m about to do or

say right now going to

help me be that person?

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Question #3

If not, what would my

best self do?

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The DDQ is

infinitely

adoptable…

DDQ for time

Is what I am about

to do with my time

going to help me

achieve my most

important goals?

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DDQ for parenting

Will what I’m

about to say to my

child reflect the

parent I want to

be?

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DDQ for money

Will what I’m about to

spend my hard-earned

cash on help me achieve

my goal of being debt-

free and financially

independent?

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DDQ for health and fitness

Will what I’m about to put

in my mouth help me

achieve my desired

physical goals?

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Two Hints

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Hint #1

If you don’t hear “No” a

lot more than you hear

“Yes,” you are probably

not being honest with

yourself…

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Hint #2

If the answer to “what

would I do?” is more

difficult than what you

were about to do, it’s

almost certainly the right

answer

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Action #8

Change your emotional

station with EDQs

(Emotion Deflection

Questions™)EDQ

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Is the emotion I’m feeling

helpful – if not, what

emotion would I want to

experience?

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Visualize yourself

changing the station

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Action #9

Get your body

into the act

When your body is strong,

it will bend to your

commands. When your

body is weak, you must

submit to its demands.

Research by Amy Cuddy

described in this TED talk

shows how body posture

has a physiological

impact on the mind.

Cuddy says don’t just

fake it till you make it…

Fake it till you

become it!

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The other way that your

mouth talks to your mind

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Action #10

Double time yourself

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Speed and momentum

are emotional first,

physical second

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Action #11

Create energy rituals

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Action #12

Reframe,

Rescript, and

Rewrite

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Reframe how you

interpret your

circumstances

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Rescript the story

of your life

Personal

Pervasive

Permanent

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Rewrite unhelpful

memories from the past

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The past is what you

choose to remember –

and how you choose to

remember it

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What do you suppose Mr. Smith meant by this:

You will never amount

to…

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What you can learn from

the genius prodigies

studied of James Hillman

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Action #13

Dare to not

compare

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You are often comparing

your at your worst

against someone else at

their best…

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Action #14

Practice the two

detachments

that earn you

two freedoms

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Detachment from things

earns you freedom of

movement

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Detachment from

opinions earns you

freedom of conscience

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You will worry a lot less

about what other people

think of you if you will

admit how infrequently

they think of you!

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Action #15

Use Metaphorical

Visualization™ to

create early

warning

mechanisms

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Preventing temper

tantrums

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Heading off panic attacks

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Action #16

Be a Dionarap

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Assume the best.

Expect the best.

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Action #17

Focus your time,

energy and

resources on things

that really matter

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Keep two lists – your daily

to-do list and your Big

Ticket Items list

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Action #18

Take the Pickle

Challenge™

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Action #19

Take to heart the seven

simple promise of The

Self-Empowerment

Pledge™

Joe’s slide show on The Self-Empowerment Pledge

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The first 3 promises

are the foundation of

personal character

strength…

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Monday’s Promise

I will take complete

responsibility for my health,

my happiness, my success,

and my life, and will not

blame others for my

problems or predicaments.

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Tuesday’s Promise

I will not allow low self-

esteem, self-limiting beliefs,

or the negativity of others to

prevent me from achieving

my authentic goals and

becoming the person I am

meant to be.

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Wednesday’s Promise

I will do the things I’m afraid

to do but which I know

should be done. Sometimes

this will mean asking for help

to do that which I cannot do

by myself.

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Action #20

Don’t give up on

your dreams

“Brick walls are not

there to stop you, they

are there to make you

prove how much you

want something.”

Randy Pausch: The Last Lecture

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Action #21

Carry on an

imaginary

conversation with

the person you will

be at age 65

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Ask that future “you”

what the you of today can

do to make his or her life

more comfortable and

secure.

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You will probably hear a

very clear answer that is

almost certain to

include…

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Spend less and save more

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Watch less TV and get

more exercise

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Spend less time with

email and more time with

real people

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Follow your dreams

wherever they lead

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And a Bonus Strategy

Turn Pro

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Coming up next…

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Next webinar – Thursday, February 7

Free Bonus Item: eBook edition of Designing the

Invisible Architecture of Your Organization

Included in Bundle #2

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Next webinar – March (Date TBD)

Free Bonus Items: The Janitor in Your Attic

Audios: Morning Motivation and Evening

Meditation

Included in Bundle #1

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Two Values Coach

webinar bundles – one

for you and one for your

organization.Webinar Bundle Website