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Assertiveness Communication

By Miss Jai Bapat Counseling Psychologist

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What is Assertiveness

Express your views clearly and articulately without being aggressive.

Give other people an opportunity to express their opinions letting them dominate a conversation

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Benefits of being Assertive

Feeling More confident

Being able to relax more

Having greater awareness of own needs and a greater ability to meet them.

Being able to create personal and professional goals instead of putting everyone else first or getting distracted.

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Rights and Responsibilities

The fist three principles are expressed as

Rights.

The fourth principle is

expressed as Responsibility.

The right to express your feelings and opinions.

You are entitled to express your feelings and opinion in

a reasonable mannerOther people are entitled to express their feelings and opinions in a reasonable

manner and to be treated with respect.

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2. The right to say “No”

You can say No if you are asked to do something and you don’t want to do.Other people are entitled to say “No” sometimes if you ask them to do something they do no want to do.

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3. The right to make mistakes

Its Ok to make mistakes. No one is perfect.Its ok for others to make mistakes.

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4. The responsibility for making decisions

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Effective Communication Listening effectively: There are many reasons why

listening effectively can help you to express yourself and be more effective in getting across your view points and wishes.

Ingredients of Good Listening: a. Giving your full attention.b. Focusing on what the other person is saying.c. Ask appropriate questionsd. Commenting on what they are saying in a constructive

and positive way.

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Three Core listening skills

Paraphrasing

•e.g. Ever since I had the accident I had found I need much more sleep.•Paraphrase: The accident had left you tired.

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Summarizi

ng

•Feeding back the main points in what someone has said.•E.g. Take a left from the signal and then take right from the hill.•Summarizing: Left through the signal and down the hill then right.

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Reflecting

•Showing that you understand the significance of what someone is saying to you•E.g. when my kids went to university I spent a lot of day not knowing what to do and tried getting on the routine tasks.•Reflecting: when children went to university it left a gap in your life.

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Types of AssertivenessNon-assertive behaviour I am not ok,you are ok Assertive behaviour I am ok,you are ok Aggresive behaviour I am ok,you are not ok Manipulative behaviour I am not ok,you are not ok

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Difference between these three concepts

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Where Assertiveness Stands

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Negative attitude and passive behaviour Lack of self confidence and low self

esteemLack of self respectSelf putdownsNegative feelings and thoughts about

yourselfFeeliings of inferiority compared to

othersLike others to be in control of people

and situationsFeel guilty towards othersdemotivated

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Negative attitude and aggressive behaviourLack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of respect towards othersPut others downFeelings of superiorityLike to be in control of people and

situationsDisinterested in others’ thoughts and

feelingsFeel angry towards others and are quick to

blame themDon’t listen to or ask questionsDismissive of feedback

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Negative attitude and manipulative behaviourLack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self respect and lack of respect for

othersMistrustful and suspicious of others’

motivesNegative feelings and thoughts about self

and othersFeel very wary towards othersDishonest and indirectTwist what others have saidUndermine others’ self esteemDepressed and demotivated

22-01-205

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Positive attitude and AssertivenessSelf confidence and high self

esteemRespect for self and towards

othersTake responsibility for selfMotivated to do a good jobİnterested in others’ feelings and

thoughtsAsk questionsHonest and directListen to othersAsk others for feedback

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How to Develop a Conversation

• Build positive relationship• Note that 30% of our communication is verbal,

while 70% is non-verbal• Develop non-verbal assertive behaviours.

These are about your voice tone, gestures, eye contact, facial expression & posture (“social signalling”)

• Non-verbal behaviours definitely influence your impact on others

• For example; look directly at another person when addressing them

Create an environment of mutual interest and respect

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Expressing yourself Taking ownership of your thoughts feelings and

opinions Assertive body language Expressing criticismBeing clear about your needs & rights, asking for

what you want, saying no to what you don’t wantUsing direct, open & honest communication,

taking responsibility, respecting others & not violating their rights

Others will feel comfortable, know where you stand & respect you for your honesty

Your needs get met, you experience less stress & more satisfaction with life in general

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The skills of helping the person to commit to changing his/her behaviour from non-assertive to assertive.

You will need action planning skills at this stage of the counselling process.In particular, you need to help the person set clear objectives;a mnemonic which can be useful is SMART.

This stands for:SpecificMeasurableAchievableRealisticTime oriented

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Problems in Assertiveness TrainingThe first major problem for assertion

training involves negative evaluations of assertive people by others

Confusion between assertion and aggression

Problem involves transfer of training,the difficulty experienced by trainees in generalising assertive from the training context to real-life situations

Finally some of the difficulties in applying assertion training outside the training context may be due to intuitive training procedures that are inadequately based in research

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At the end….Assertiveness is really about Knowing what isn’t & what is assertive

communication, and what it will & will not do

Ceasing opportunities to be more assertive Recognising the value in being assertive Increasing the prospect of your rights,

feelings, needs & wants being metIn all …. Assertiveness contributes to your

academic success, and it helps fulfil your career & life ambitions

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Thank you