Assertiveness Training

What is an assertive personality?

You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated– Implies that you can express your personal likes and

interests– You can talk about yourself without being self-conscious– You can accept compliments comfortably– You can openly disagree with someone– You can ask for clarification– You can say “NO”

What about those who don’t show assertive behavior?

People who show relatively little assertive behavior do not believe they have a right to their feelings, beliefs, or opinions.They reject the idea that they are equal to othersThey have difficulty objecting to exploitation or mistreatmentThey grew up doubting themselves and looking to others for validation and guidance

What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior?

Aggressive – opinions, feelings, and wants are honestly stated, but at the expense of others– Advantage – get what they want– Disadvantage – make enemies and people avoid them

Passive – opinions, feelings, and wants are withheld altogether or expressed indirectly– Advantage – minimizes responsibility for making decisions– Disadvantages – low self-esteem and having to live with

others decisions

What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior? (cont)

Assertive – opinions, feelings, and wants are clearly stated without violating the rights of others– Advantage – active participation in making decisions,

getting what you want without alienating others, emotional and intellectual satisfaction of respectfully exchanging feelings and ideas, and high self-esteem

What is your script for change?

Look at your rights, what you want, what you need, and what your feelings are about the situationArrange a time and place to discuss your problem that is convenient for you and the other personDefine the problem as specifically as possible’Describe your feelings so that the other person has a better understanding of how important the issue is to youExpress your request in one or two easy to understand sentencesReinforce the other person to give you what you want

What if the other person doesn’t get it?

In some cases, positive reinforcement may be ineffectiveIf the person seems resistant or you’re having trouble motivating them to cooperate– Utilize negative consequences for failure to cooperate– Most effective ones are descriptions of the alternative way

you will take care of yourself if your wishes aren’t met• If we can’t leave on time, I’ll have to leave without you.

Then you’ll have to drive over later on your own.

LADDER script

Look at your rights and goal in the situationArrange a time and place to discuss the situationDefine the problem specificallyDescribe your feelings using “I” statementsExpress your request simply and firmlyReinforce the other person to give you what you want

Is body language important to assertiveness?

Yes, it portrays confidence in what you are saying and doingImportant body language cues:– Maintain direct eye contact– Maintain an erect body posture– Speak clearly, audibly, and firmly– Don’t whine or use an apologetic tone of voice– Make use of gestures and facial expressions for

emphasis

Is listening important to assertiveness?

Yes, it is just as important for you to hear the other person as for them to hear youSometimes you will need to deal with an issue that is important to the other person before they will be able to focus on what you have to say.– This is especially true when what you want conflicts with long

unspoken and unmet needs of the listenerSteps to listening assertively– Prepare– Listen and Clarify– Acknowledge

Learn how to avoid manipulation

Broken recordContent-to-process shiftDefusingAssertive delayAssertive agreementCloudingAssertive inquiryLaughing it off

Accusing gambitThe beat-upDelaying gambitWhy gambitSelf-pity gambitQuibblingThreatsDenial