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Mission Statement: When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.

MEETING TIMES AND LOCATIONS

For parents, grandparents and siblings over 18

SUPPORT GROUP MEETING

7:00 p.m. — 1st Thursday of the month

New Cassel Retirement Center

900 N. 90th Street —Auditorium Level 2, Omaha

LUNCH

Noon—3rd Tuesday of the month at noon.

Tish’s Restaurant, 1115 S 35 Street, Council Bluffs

REUNION EN ESPAŃOL

7:00 pm-3er miércoles de cada mes/3rd Wed. of every month

One World Community Health Center Conference Room

4920 S. 30th Street, Omaha

National Office: The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3696 Oakbrook IL 60522-3696 (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org

Nebraska Regional Coordinator: Kelly Pelster (402) 676-3670 tcfneb.kelly@gmail.com

Address Service Requested Please send stories, poems or love gifts by

Apr 1, 2013

newsletter@tcfomaha.org

P.O. Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154 402-571-4011

mail@tcfomaha.org correo@tcfomaha.org facebook.com/tcfomaha www.tcfomaha.org

Non-Profit

US Postage

PAID

Omaha, NE

#284

Mar-Apr 2013

CALENDAR

Mar 7 Omaha Meeting

Mar 14 Fremont Meeting

Mar 19 Council Bluffs Lunch Meeting

Mar 19 Avoca IA Meeting

Mar 20 Reunion En Espanol

Mar 26 Steering Committee Meeting

Apr 4 Omaha Meeting

Apr 11 Fremont Meeting

Apr 16 Council Bluffs Lunch Meeting

Apr 16 Avoca IA Meeting

Apr 17 Reunion En Espanol

Spanish/Español - page/pagina 4

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WISH LIST

2013 Walk to Remember Sponsors

2013 Brick Dedication Sponsors

$1000 Venue Sponsor for

Worldwide Candle Lighting 2013

$1000 Program Sponsor for

Worldwide Candle Lighting 2013

Media Sponsor for

Worldwide Candle Lighting 2013

$1000 Materials Sponsor for

Worldwide Candle Lighting 2013

Leadership Training Sponsors

Love Gifts ∙ Address Change ∙ Authorizations

Mail to: The Compassionate Friends , PO Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154

Your Name_____________________________________________________________________________________

Address_______________________________________Email____________ _______________________________

City___________________________ State _______ Zip ______________ Phone_____________________

Credit Card No: ___________________________CVC ___________ EXP _________

Date _______________ Gift of $___________

DIRECT MY GIFT TOWARD: □ Outreach –printing, postage, phone, web

□ Spanish Support □ Angel of Hope □ Memorial Programs

In Memory of___________________________________________________________

Message:______________________________________________________________

2013 AUTHORIZATION—initial each selection

Publish my child’s name/dates in the newsletter as long as I am on the mailing list ______

Add my child’s name to the 2013 Walk to Remember Banner in my absence ______

Use my child’s photo in the 12-8-2013 Worldwide Candle Lighting Slide Show ______

Newsletters and notices will be sent electronically unless paper is requested ______paper ______Unsubscribe

Child’s Name __________________________________________________________________________________

Birth Date __________________Death Date ______________________Your Relationship____________________

SIGNATURE_REQUIRED_____________________________________________________DATE______________

Free Webinars www.compassionatefriends.org

to watch at any time

Dreams-A Blessing in Disguise

Handling the Holidays

A Father’s Grief

Grief and Today’s Family

Seven Dos and Don’ts for Couples

Siblings Grieve Too

Coping with Grief during Bereavement

Caring for your Health While Grieving

Getting Stuck and Unstuck

Handling Grief in the Holiday Season

PLEASE HELP ON A COMMITTEE

Plan meeting program topics

Outreach—providing us with contact information for professionals in your community.

Publicity—Speaking opportunities and health fairs.

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♥ Gifts of Love ♥ Our activities support the grief work of many families. We also work to educate members of our community about the grief process and how they can support bereaved par-

ents. Please help us help others by making a LOVE GIFT today. TCF is a 501c3 organization and funded only by donations. Monetary gifts in any amount are deeply appreci-ated and we gratefully accept these gifts knowing our children are warmly remembered. Chapter expenses include printing, postage, telephone, library, and memorial pro-

grams. We have a new chapter brochure and are working to increase the awareness of TCF in our community.

Love Gifts received 12/1/2012 through 1/31/2013

Angel of Hope Shirley Mcdowell ♥ Richie A. Sehi

Randy & Jan Spiegel ♥ Nicole Renee Spiegel Wheeler

Love you and miss you Forever. June 1980-June 2003

Tim & Lori Mueller ♥ Kevin Michael Stewart

Duane & Diane Petty ♥ Trevor Frederickson

Barb Schwede ♥ Kelly Jean Falk

Jeff & Rozan Smith ♥ Lane Nicholas Thomas

General Fund Robert & Karen Johnston ♥ Todd Johnston

Douglas & Carol Marsh ♥ Cade Matthew Petersen

Greg & Linda Sorgenfrei ♥ Eric Gregory Sorgenfrei

Joanne Bruckner ♥ Sally Frances Bruckner

Dillard & Theresa Delts ♥ Tanisha Richards

Kathy Krier ♥ Jay Krier

Howard & Fran Mccoy ♥ Joey Dabbs

Stephanie Ball ♥ Aaron James Ball

Gifts-in-Kind Vic & Kelly Pelster ♥ Erin Krystal Pelster

Pete & Diana Ormandy ♥ Jason Peter Ormandy

Memorial Programs

Stephanie Ball ♥ Aaron James Ball We miss you "Spud" — Forever in Our Hearts!

Trudy Hartline ♥ James Aaron Schlotfeld

Trudy Hartline ♥ Judy Stoops Garreans

Trudy Hartline ♥ Linda Lee Stafford

Tom & Sandi Massie ♥ Mark Thomas Massie

Bo & Diane Hirniak ♥ Heidi Ann Hirniak Love U, Always.

Paul & Laurie Saathoff ♥ Lucas John Saathoff We miss you very much :)

Linda Nielsen ♥ Guy Douglas Nielsen

Daryl & Audrey Malena ♥ Rachel A. Malena We love you and miss you. Mom and Dad

Al & Joyce Schlosser ♥ Lynette Schlosser Angers

Shane & Anne Thallas ♥ Isabelle Thallas You will always be Mommy's Sunshine And

Daddy's Little Girl. We Love You and Miss You.

Trudy Hartline ♥ Joshua Lee Glass

Tom & Sandi Massie ♥ Mark Thomas Massie Always in our Hearts

Darrin & Melanie Petty ♥ Trevor Frederickson

Robert & Debra Krueger ♥ Andrew Robert Krueger

Randy & Mary Jo Fike ♥ Kelcey Renae Fike

Jim & Colleen Sariscsany ♥ Ned James Sariscsany

Trudy Hartline ♥ Aaron Michael Hartline-Von Knorring

Paul & Laurie Saathoff ♥ Lucas John Saathoff

Dianne Sharp ♥ Aaron Sharp

Daryl & Audrey Malena ♥ Rachel A. Malena Donahue

The Hawks Foundation ♥ Joel D. Kudym

Betty Harlow ♥ Chad Walter Harlow We Love "U"!

The Hawks Foundation ♥ Tim Hawks

Sharon Keerbs ♥ Olivia Elizabeth Wright

Outreach Lorraine Beaman ♥ Mark Thomas Massie

Tom & Sandi Massie ♥ Mark Thomas Massie Always in our Hearts

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PAGINA EN ESPAÑOL/SPANISH PAGE

Si desean enviar material para

el próximo boletín, escriba a :

correo@tcfomaha.org

UNO CRECE CUANDO…

Uno crece cuando no hay vacío de esperanza,

Ni debilitamiento de voluntad, ni pérdida de fe.

Uno crece cuando acepta la realidad y tiene aplomo de

vivirla.

Cuando acepta su destino,

Pero tiene la voluntad de trabajar para cambiarlo.

Uno crece asimilando lo que deja por detrás,

Construyendo lo que tiene por delante y

Proyectando lo que puede ser el porvenir.

Crece cuando supera, se valora, y sabe dar frutos.

Uno crece cuando abre camino dejando huellas,

Asimila experiencias... Y siembra raíces!

Uno crece cuando se impone metas,

Sin importarle comentarios, ni prejuicios,

Cuando da ejemplos sin importarle burlas, ni desdenes,

Cuando cumple con su labor, sin importarle los otros

pareceres.

Uno crece cuando se es fuerte por carácter,

Sostenido por formación, sensible por temperamento...

Y humano por nacimiento!

Uno crece cuando enfrenta el invierno aunque pierda

las hojas.

Recoge flores aunque tengan espinas

Y marca camino aunque se levante el polvo.

Uno crece cuando es capaz de afianzarse

Con residuos de ilusiones,

Capaz de perfumarse, con residuos de flores...

Y de encenderse con residuos de amor...!

Uno crece ayudando a sus semejantes, conociéndose a

sí mismo

Y dándole a la vida más de lo que recibe.

Uno crece cuando se planta para no retroceder...

Cuando se defiende como águila para no dejar de vo-

lar...

Cuando se clava como ancla y se ilumina como estrella.

Entonces... UNO CRECE

-Autor desconocido-

Los Amigos Compasivos/USA

TE veo en cada rayito de sol

en cada estrella en el cielo

En cada mariposa

En cada sonrisa de un niño... en cada respiro que doy es-

tas presente en mi... te amo Santiago

Liz Castillo - Los Amigos Compasivos/USA

La realidad de cómo nos sentimos ante la pérdida

de un ser querido…

“En ninguna otra situación como en el duelo, el dolor

producido es total: es un dolor biológico (duele el

cuerpo), psicológico (duele la personalidad), social

(duele la sociedad y su forma de ser), familiar (nos

duele el dolor de otros) y espiritual (duele el alma). En

la pérdida de un ser querido duele el pasado, el

presente y especialmente el futuro. Toda la vida, en su

conjunto, duele”. -Dr. J Montoya Carrasquilla-

Los Amigos Compasivos/USA

DUELO COMO PAREJA Y DUELO SOLO

El camino para hacer frente a la pérdida de nuestro

hijo o hermanos es muy largo. Un camino difícil que

tenemos que tomar, y es uno de los que desearíamos

no necesitarlo. Es un camino muy duro en los primeros

años, se avanza como en una montaña rusa con muchas

subidas y bajadas.

Algunos de nosotros estamos tratando con este dolor

como una pareja, y otros completamente- por su cuen-

ta. Uno podría pensar que una pareja tenga comodidad,

porque hay dos para ayudarse - pero ¿qué pasa cuando

no respondemos al dolor de la misma manera, o una

persona está en un poco mejor / peor que otro? ¿Qué

pasa cuando uno quiere hablar de todo, y el otro no

quiere hablar de nada?

Estas son las preocupaciones particulares cuando no

se tiene esa otra persona para compartir su dolor? ¿A

quién acude?, y cómo hace frente a su camino?

Los Amigos Compasivos/USA

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Allow yourself to grieve

Give yourself time to grieve and do it well. There is no need to rush back into the stream of things after the death of a child. Your life is in disarray, nothing makes sense. A bereaved parent needs all the rest that he or she can possibly have. I know this may not be possible for many families, but the workplace and school need to be sensitive to the needs of a family that has just undergone a major loss. The grief

after a week is not the same as after a month. Oftentimes, after the family support-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins have left then it’s when it becomes most difficult. Don't be afraid to cry. Tears are a release and an essential part of the grief work. Bear in mind, too, that men and women grieve differently. Women are more open and willing to cry and talk about their pain. Men tend to internalize the sorrow and have different styles of coping. Be easy on yourself. There's no rush and no one should put a timetable to your grief. For some, it takes a year, for others, two, a few others, three. Only you will know when you have found a resolution and come to terms with the loss. So long as you do not harm yourself or become dysfunctional (initially though, disorientation is a normal part of the grieving process) over a long period of time, then you are fine. If you feel that your emotions are spinning out of control, do not be afraid to seek help-from an older family member, a friend, your priest, pastor or a counselor or even a someone from a support group. Bear in mind there is nothing wrong with seeking help. If you are the type who likes to write, journaling is also a good release. Scribble your thoughts, write your pain away. Shed all the tears that need to be shed. The ache and the empty space in your heart will always be there but the pain will somehow ease up through the years. You also do not need be in a rush to deal with your child's toys, photographs or posses-sions, or clothes right away. Do what you can one day at a time. Each of us have our ways of keeping the memory of our chil-dren close, that is part of a bereaved parent's quest for solace.

With help from friends

The kindness of strangers and the love of family and friends is most crucial in getting through the first few months. During this time, it is most helpful to have friends who constantly called-a month after the loss, two months, three months after and so on. The friends, who try to cheer you up, take you out to lunch or those who simply sit with you and listened to your pain are the most valuable to you. Sometimes that is all that is needed by a bereaved parent, for someone to be there and listen to them talk about their child. There aren't too many people comfortable with that, and it is such a gift if you can do that for a friend who has just lost a child. However, the bereaved parent must also realize that his/her experience goes against the grain, distorts the normal order of the universe. Children under normal circumstances are expected to outlive their parents. A bereaved parent becomes every parent's worst nightmare. They feel sad for you but cannot quite comprehend your pain. It is helpful to reach out to friends and call them, to show them that "Hey, it’s okay, you can talk to me." Normally, people do not know what to say or how to behave when they are around someone who has just lost a child. For them, being around a bereaved parent is like walking on eggshells. They are just so afraid to add any more pain to the existing grief. Talking to someone who has likewise been through the same experience is a very big help. The best person who can understand the pain of a bereaved parent is one who has been through the same trenches. Bereaved parents speak the same language; their hearts know the same sadness and pain.

Celebrating the Memory

To let go of the pain does not mean we have forgotten the child who has gone ahead of us. There are many ways to keep our children alive in our hearts and in the hearts of other people as well. There are rituals we can perform or little things we can do to keep the relationship with the one who has gone ahead of us. There are countless ways to celebrate the memory of a be-loved child. On a birthday, for example, you can release balloons or plant a tree in your garden in his or her honor. You can also do something nice for the young patients at the hospital where your child died (if the child passed away in a hospital), or celebrate his memory by spending the day with less fortunate children and doing your bit to help them. You can also begin a crusade or an awareness campaign if the death was a violent one or a tragic one. Reaching out to others not only enables you to heal but also them. Investing oneself in activities that give meaning to the loss helps alleviate the pain and aids in building a new life that would keep the memory alive and well in our hearts.

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Brian M. Smith October 19, 1987 -March 15, 2008

We are quickly approaching

our son’s 5 year Heaven date.

It's almost unbelievable to

acknowledge how long it has

been since we last saw

him, heard him and hugged

him. At times, it remains un-

bearable but we are slowly

finding our ways to manage here without him.

Brian was a true nature and wildlife enthusiast. He spent

many hours perfecting the art of listening, watching and

waiting for the wonders of nature to appear. March leads

us to a new spring season. In spite of our loss, trees will

bud again, flowers will push through to bloom and birds

will return to sing.

We plan on honoring our son's memory and love of na-

ture by practicing and perfecting our engagement with

all new life we happen upon. We will try to enjoy and

relish all that we can because we believe this would

make him happy. Yes, we know that at times there will

be sadness and an intense longing for him. But we will

commit to putting forth our best effort.

Every hawk, cardinal and deer we see, every moment

spent on a lake kayaking are our gentle reminders to ap-

preciate the beauty we still have access to, to stay con-

nected with family and friends, and to live life as fully as

possible within our "new normal". We have learned how

we benefit and draw strength from other parents who

know how difficult our journey is. The compassion, un-

derstanding and acceptance from other parents provides

us with strength, comfort and hope.

We are thankful for all who walk with us, listen to us

and offer their comfort and compassion.

Brian, we remember you, miss you and love you today

and always.

MEMORY CORNER

Omaha Walk to Remember

Families from near and far joined in a concurrent walk to remember our children, grandchildren and siblings, say their names, remember their smiles and voices, and the warmth they bring to our hearts. We are planning our local chapter Walk to Remember for the month of June. We are looking at the second or third weekend of the month and more information will be published after the specific day and time is determined

Trevor Lee Joseph Frederickson

Trevor lost his life June 18, 2009, in an apartment fire

at the age of 21. On March 15, we will be celebrating

his 25th birthday...a birthday he shares with his

younger sister, Laena.

Trevor was an amazing young man. Full of compas-

sion, everyone who met him instantly fell in love with

his contagious smile and caring ways. Trevor was

especially proud of Laena and their little brother,

Grant, who was only 9 months old when Trevor died.

Grant already had him wrapped around his finger.

Trevor spent his whole life playing baseball. From

the time he was 5 years old to the night he lost his

life, he played with all his heart.

Although Trevor had a degree in automotive repair,

he dreamed of working in law enforcement. We have

no doubt that if Trevor was still with us he would be

wearing a uniform of some sort.

Our memories of Trevor are endless. We miss him

terribly but know someday we will be experiencing

the same joy he is.

Happy Birthday, Trevor ~ We love and miss you!

Mom

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TCF BLOOD DRIVE

DONATING TO AMERICAN RED CROSS

Flu season is upon us, and as more people are affected by illness, the number of healthy blood donors available to help sustain the blood supply may decrease. If you are healthy and feeling well, make an appointment to

donate in the coming weeks to help patients in need.

All blood types are currently needed, with an urgent need for types O negative and B negative.

Donating blood will not cause you to be more susceptible to the flu. There is also no waiting period to donate

blood after receiving a seasonal flu vaccine, as long as you are feeling healthy and well the day of donation.

The Compassionate Friends members, family, and friends can now help the American Red Cross by donating blood. The American Red Cross has TCF as part of their Sponsor group so when you, family members, and friends give blood, just mention they are doing this for The Compassionate Friends.

Thank you for making a difference!

Omaha Area blood drives

To see where the blood drives are and to schedule an appointment, go to: www.redcrossblood.org/midwest

Upcoming blood donation in the Council Bluffs Area:

Loess Hills American Red Cross Chapter Blood Donation Site

705 N. 16th Street Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501

Every Monday (12:30 pm – 6:15 pm)

Every Tuesday (11:00 am – 5:00 pm)

1st Friday of every month (6:30 am – 12:30 pm)

1st Saturday after a Holiday (6:30 am – 12:00 pm)

Upcoming blood donation in the Elkhorn Community Area:

Tues. April 23, 2013 – St. Patrick’s Catholic School

Sun., June 30, 2013–Elkhorn Hills United Methodist

Sun., August 25, 2013 – St. Patrick’s Catholic Church

New Addition to our Chapter Library The past January meeting provided information on how our grief can negatively affect our physical health. Our bodies will react to the “high stress” state of mind that we are in and remain in for quite a long time. The intensity may change as time moves on but the emotional roller

coaster life we enter can continue to lower our immune system leading us more prone to illness and medical concerns. Working positively on our health and taking care of ourselves with exercise, healthy food choices and rest (when we can) will help us as grieving parents stay strong for the hard long journey we face. We will be adding a wellness component to our library which we hope will be of benefit to our parents. We have purchased 5 fitness DVD’s to expand the library. They are all beginning level programs. There are 2 Pilates, two yoga DVD’s and one basic muscle toning program. Two of the DVD’s contain several 10 minutes sessions which may help ease you into beginning a fitness program. One of the Yoga DVD’s is de-signed for people challenged by arthritis or other physical limitations. This DVD provides instructions with modifications stand-ing, seated or using a chair for support. All of the programs are from reputable fitness instructors. Please consider checking out a DVD when you feel ready. A lack of motivation is a huge stumbling block to overcome. We hope the DVD offerings can provide a means of pushing through that block.

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Co-editors for this issue: Diana Ormandy, Kelly Kleckner-Silva, Kelly Pelster

Anniversaries

3/1 KARLENE PATRICE LAVON BLAKE 3/1 RAY NASTASE 3/2 GALILEA SUAREZ LEMUS 3/6 LUANN MARIA MILLER 3/8 DANIEL ROBERT STEPANEK 3/10 DAVID ALAN BODNAR 3/13 ANGELA MARIE BURGER 3/15 BRIAN M. SMITH 3/15 ETHAN GRIMM 3/24 JOSEPH L. RAMSPOTT 3/27 NOAH ALLEN BELLOWS 3/28 SASHA ALAINA CORONA 4/1 JAY KRIER 4/3 ANGELA KATSKEE TRELLES 4/5 CADE MATTHEW PETERSEN 4/8 DAVID JOESTING 4/12 SCOTT WOODRICH 4/16 SANDY HANRAHAN 4/16 STACY A. HAMMACK 4/27 LAUREN CHAMBERS 4/29 CHAD WALTER HARLOW

♥ Our Children Remembered ♥ In the days ahead, especially remember these children and their families…on the day of their birth and on the anniversary of their death.

If you would like your child, grandchild or sibling included here, submit the authorization form on page 2.

Birthdays 3/2 AARON MICHAEL HARTLINE-VON KNORRING 3/15 TREVOR FREDERICKSON 3/21 NOAH ALLEN BELLOWS 3/27 KATHRYN ELISE WILHELMI 3/29 THOMAS DAVID ROSE 3/31 HEIDI ANN HIRNIAK 4/8 MATTHEW APPLEGATE 4/8 TIMOTHY RONALD LARSEN 4/15 DAVID J. RIESBERG JR 4/18 SCOTT BLEVINS 4/19 DAREN MICHAEL BASHOR 4/24 MATTHEW MEISINGER 4/26 RICHIE A. SEHI 4/28 ANGELA KATSKEE TRELLES

The spirit of Easter is all about Hope and Love.

Birthday Wish Today's the day that you were born. We welcomed you with joy. You filled our life with happiness,

We thought nothing could destroy. But heaven couldn't wait for you They couldn't let you stay So after just a little while You had to go away.

Today's the day that you were born We keep it in our hearts With all the other memories And tears that grief imparts. Even though we're parted now It's for just a little while. Soon we'll meet again up there Ne'er again we'll miss your smile. Your birthday was a joyous day One we'll never forget But when we're all together again It will be the best day yet.

Do you have something to share: a story, a poem or maybe have

your child included in the

memory corner, please send by

April 1, 2013

EVERYONE please complete a

new authorization for 2013!

Form is on page 2. Names will not be

listed in future issues without updating.