rabbi!efrem!goldberg! [email protected]!pdf.brsonline.org/sermondigest2015.pdf · rabbi shlomo...

LIVING IN CONCENTRIC CIRCLES SIMULTANEOUSLY

Sermon Digest w Elul/Tishrei 2015/5775-6 w ©Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

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Rabbi Efrem Goldberg [email protected]

Shoftim – Caring for Ourselves Page #2

Ki Seitzei – Caring for Our Family

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Ki Savo – Caring For All Jews Page #10

Netzavim – Hashem Loves You!

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Rosh Hashana – Make Resolutions, Not Wish Lists Page #17

Shabbos Shuva – What is YOUR Mission?

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Yom Kippur – Hold on to the Sacred Trash Page #23



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Parshas Shoftim - August 22, 2015 Caring for Ourselves

The Dalai Lama walks up to a vendor who is selling hot dogs and says, "I want one with everything." The vendor hands him one and says, "Four dollars, please." The Dalai Lama gives him a $5 bill, and waits to receive his change -- but the vendor ignores him. The Dalai Lama finally asks, "Where's my change?" The vendor replies, "Change only comes from within."

בים להלחם עליה לתפשה לא תשחית את עצה לנדח עליו גרזן כי ממנו תאכל ואתו לא כי תצור אל עיר ימים ר

ת ובנית ית וכר תכרת כי האדם עץ השדה לבא מפניך במצור: רק עץ אשר תדע כי לא עץ מאכל הוא אתו תשח מצור על העיר אשר הוא עשה עמך מלחמה עד רדתה:

“When you besiege a city for an extended period, to make war against it to capture it, do not destroy its trees by wielding an axe against them; for you may eat from them, and you shall not cut them down; for is man like the tree of the field, that you should besiege it?” Moshe instructs the people that when they enter the land, they will need to go to war. In the context of conquest, soldiers must kill and often destroy. The Torah gives us a reminder, specifically in the middle of the laws of warfare, not to needlessly destroy a fruit tree and to remain mindful of the value of every living thing, even a fruit tree. This verse is the source of the prohibition of ba’al tashchis, needlessly and mindlessly being wasteful. When telling us to protect the tree, the Torah says, ki ha’adom eitz ha’sadeh. This clause can be read a few ways. Targum Yonasan and Rashi read it rhetorically to mean, is the tree a person that you would need to attack it or cut it down during war? The Ibn Ezra understands it differently. He says man relies on the fruit tree for its fruit and its role in the ecological cycle. To cut down the tree needlessly is to deprive and disturb human needs. Chazal, our Rabbis, understand the Torah to be drawing an analogy, ki ha’adom eitz ha’sadeh, man is like the tree of the field. We are to see ourselves as trees. Trees have roots and we must be rooted well. Trees produce sweet fruit and we must be committed to producing a generation of sweet offspring. Trees provide shade and we should likewise care to shade others. The similarities can go on and on. However, this morning, I don’t want to focus on the lessons we can learn of what the tree does for others. Instead, I want to spend a few minutes talking about what a tree needs to be healthy itself and how we must take care of ourselves. In our efforts to better ourselves, we tend to place a lot of attention on our relationship with God and our relationship with our fellow man, but there is a third relationship that is even more crucial, because if it is not strong, the other two cannot possibly thrive – the relationship we have with ourselves.



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Throughout Pirkei Avos we have lessons and statements that come in threes. For example: The world is founded on three things – Torah, avodah and gemillus chasadim. Explains the Maharal of Prague, each time we see three, it corresponds with the three relationships that life is made of – bein adom la’makom, bein adom l’chaveiro and bein adom l’atzmo. In this case, avoda, prayer, is between us and God. Chesed, lovingkindness, is between us and fellow man. Torah is the conversation we have with our own souls. A tree has a nature to it. Within the seed, even before it blossoms into a tree, one can identify the species, what type of fruit it will produce, how tall it will grow, and so on. But the tree also needs to be nurtured. To realize its potential and fully flourish, it needs four elements – sunlight, air, soil and water. Each of us has a nature. We are blessed with incredible potential. However, to realize it, like the tree, we need those same nurturing elements to be healthy and strong. Water – Rain water is absorbed by the earth and through a complex system is carried through the roots and distributed throughout the trees trunk and branches and leaves. Water sustains the tree and without it, the tree would shrivel up and die. Moshe Rabbeinu compares the Torah to water as both descend from heaven. The Torah and its immortal and infinite messages nourish and sustain us. Without Torah, we would dry up, be disoriented, uninspired, and grasping in the dark. Depriving ourselves of Torah study is like depriving a plant or tree of water. We need to nurture ourselves by reading, listening, and studying Torah and by attending Torah classes. I never feel as alive as when I challenge my mind and study. Study is for the brain what exercise is for the body. Our Elul brochure is filled with wonderful learning opportunities for men and women, from beginner to advanced, in classes or individualized study. Don’t be spiritually dehydrated any longer. Now is the time to quench your thirst and drink up a delicious serving of Torah. Sun - The tree needs sunlight to absorb energy and effectively experience photosynthesis. The human being also needs warmth, light and positive energy. Dr. Judith Orloff, psychiatrist, professor at UCLA and author of New York Times-best-selling “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life,” specializes in the area of energy psychiatry. She notes the presence of people who exude such negativity that they “suck you dry and make you tired and depressed and worn out and feel like you want to nap." She says if you're thinking negative thoughts, just stop. Intentionally focus on the positive things happening in your life. Don’t see yourself as a victim or always feel like everybody's against you. “You're working yourself up in a negative frenzy," she says. 'You have to stop yourself and think 'No, I'm not going there.'" To shower yourself with positive energy, listen to good music, seek out a good laugh, exercise, and release endorphins. Like a tree, we need to absorb sunlight, positive, bright energy.



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The tree needs healthy soil filled with good nutrients that nourish it. To be true to ourselves, to show care bein adom l’atzmo we need to be more mindful with what we put in our system and what we allow to be absorbed. The Shelah Ha’Kadosh famously interprets the opening of our parsha, shoftim v’shotrim titein lecha b’chol she’arecha as referring not only to placing policemen and guards in society, but over ourselves. We each have seven gates, he writes, two eyes, two ears, a mouth and two nostrils. Like the tree, we can’t afford to have toxins or contaminants in our system. We have to guard and protect what we allow to penetrate our bodies and our neshamas. As we approach the holiday season we need to recommit to healthy eating, and also to protecting the health of our eyes and our ears by being careful with what we watch and what we allow ourselves to listen to. And lastly, the tree needs oxygen, it needs air. We, too, need to breathe, we need to slow down and oxygenate our lives. I recently read about a seasoned scientist, a fellow for 33 years at the Institute of Advanced Study in Princeton, who sets an alarm every 15 minutes when he's at work. As soon as the alarm goes off, he closes his eyes for nine seconds, takes a deep breath, and collects himself. The break represents only 1% of his working day — nine seconds out of every 900 — and yet it's a regular reminder to him to look up as well as down, to ensure he's not overheating and to put his work within a larger frame. A tree goes through cycles every single year. From season to season it loses its fruit, then its leaves, and by winter it stands bare, appearing to be dead. But then the spring comes and the tree begins to awaken and to blossom. In life, we, too, go through cycles. We have times that we are energized, thriving, feeling alive, close to those around us and to Hashem. And then we have times of stagnation, of dormancy. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe writes in Alei Shur that this cycle is part of man's nature. We should not be disillusioned or disaffected when we are in a low. If we hold on, he writes, those periods of low are often followed by a period of high that brings with it new growth and opportunity. Today we begin the Elul Derasha Series for this year. Our focus is living in concentric circles simultaneously and in the weeks ahead we will explore our role and responsibility towards our families, our communities and the world. However, today, we remember, in the words of the hot dog vendor - change must come from within. We have three and a half weeks until Rosh Hashana. Let’s use that time to make sure that like a healthy, strong and sturdy tree, we are nurturing ourselves with water = Torah, sunlight = positive thinking, good soil = healthy spiritual nutrients and enough oxygen = slowing down.



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Ki Seitzei - August 29, 2015 Caring for Our Family

I want to share two stories with you, one you are likely familiar with and the other you are likely not. Jimmy Kimmel Live, a late night talk show, sometimes sets up social experiments by orchestrating unusual scenarios on Hollywood Boulevard and recording the reactions and responses of various passersby.

Earlier this week, the show had a man dressed up as the character SpongeBob Squarepants interact with people walking down the busy sidewalk. Then, the man “fell down” and because of the clumsy costume, he couldn’t get up. Despite his calling out for help, everybody just kept walking by. One person stopped while his dog licked the man, a doorman stopped to take pictures on his phone, and two joggers actually jumped over the man so they wouldn’t have to slow their pace.

There was a little clock running on the screen and you painfully watch as one minute goes by, then two, four minutes, five and finally in the seventh minute, a few teenagers with yarmulkas on their heads stop to help the man up off the ground. One of the boys is the nephew of our member Vivian Kestenbaum. She and her whole family can be and should be very proud of the Kiddush Hashem he created.

If you have an Internet connection, you likely saw that story that made the rounds this week. But there is a very different story that didn’t make the rounds that also happened with a few teenage boys with yarmulkas on their heads. Last Shabbos, I was walking to Shul when I saw a woman speaking very excitedly with a few boys sitting on the bench in front of the Shul. When I went into the lobby she followed me to share what had just occurred and I am glad she did because I want to share it with you.

She was entering Shul when she saw some garbage on the floor right in front of these boys. She asked the boys to throw it out and they responded with chutzpah: “it isn’t our garbage, we didn’t throw it there.” She proceeded to explain that she, too, didn’t put it there, but nevertheless, she felt obligated to keep our campus clean and that she herself was about to pick it up and throw it out unless one of them would. Rather than race off the bench to see which one of them would get the zechus of not only doing the right thing, but sparing a woman much older than they the effort, they looked right at her and said, “Ok, go ahead.” After she threw out the garbage, she realized that she recognized one of the boys and said, aren’t you a [the boy’s last name]. He said yes. She said, how do you think your parents would feel about what just happened? In response, the boy not only didn’t flinch, but proceeded to snarl at her.

In one scene, a few boys with kippas that stopped when nobody else would did an act of kindness and created a Kiddush Hashem. In the other, a few boys with kippas wouldn’t stop and do the right thing, even when asked to, and therefore created a Chillul Hashem. This morning I want to speak about how we can try to make sure that when presented the



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opportunity, our children and grandchildren will react like the first group of boys and not the second.

Ki yiheye l’ish ben soreir u’moreh, einenu sho’meia b’kol aviv u’vkol imo... Our parsha tells the story of the rebellious son. Our Rabbis teach us that the criterion to qualify for this label have never and never will be met and that such a child exists only academically. Yet a series of pesukim are dedicated to this subject because there is so much to learn and glean about parenting and education nonetheless.

Rashi tells us the term soreir comes from sar, he has drifted from the path, he is not meeting our expectations and hopes. The Torah tells us he does not and cannot hear kol aviv u’kol imo, the voice of his father and the voice of his mother. The Torah never wastes a word and yet it could have said b’kol aviv v’imo, he doesn’t listen to the voice of his father and mother. It must be that the second use of kol, voice, is not redundant or extraneous at all. But rather, there is in fact a separate kol aviv, a message and values of the father, and a kol imo, a message and values of the mother.

When children receive mixed messages, inconsistent and contradictory values, it all becomes incoherent. They then stop paying attention and begin to be soreir, drift, until it ultimately leads to moreh, rebellion. It is not only parents that influence and raise a child but it is the grandparents, the school, the shul, and all the adults in the community to whom they turn for modeling and for inspiration. We must be on the same page and project a consistent message of what our values are, what we are all about, and what we expect from them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” When we say one thing and communicate a different message through our actions, priorities, and values, we drown out our own voices. There is no instrument more finely calibrated to detect hypocrisy and duplicity than a child.

The Ohr Ha’Chaim Ha’Kadosh, Rav Chaim ben Attar, notes that the passuk does not say eino sho’meiah but einenu sho’mei. There is a big difference between the two. Eino means he doesn’t, einenu means he can’t, there is a blockage preventing the message from penetrating. Our children and grandchildren literally cannot hear what we say when our contradictory actions are much louder.

If your child or grandchild ask you – do you care more about my being happy and successful or my being kind – what would you answer? I would hope they would hear us answer being kind. And yet, though our voices may be saying that, we are clearly articulating another message. According to a recent study done by researchers at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, when asked if their parents care more about achievement and happiness or if they were kind to others, 80 percent of children said their parents care more about achievement or happiness. In the same study, children were far more likely to rank “hard work” above fairness.



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The study concludes: “But when youth do not prioritize caring and fairness over these aspects of personal success — and when they view their peers as even less likely to prioritize these ethical values — they are at greater risk of many forms of harmful behavior, including being cruel, disrespectful, and dishonest. These forms of harm are far too commonplace. Half of high school students admit to cheating on a test and nearly 75% admit to copying someone else’s homework. Nearly 30% of middle and high school students reported being bullied during the 2010-2011 school year.

“At the root of this problem may be a rhetoric/reality gap, a gap between what parents and other adults say are their top priorities and the real messages they convey in their behavior day to day… And here’s the irony: the focus on happiness, and the focus on achievement in affluent communities, doesn’t appear to increase either children’s achievement or their happiness.”

Dr. Richard Weissbourd, one of the authors of the studies, states, "We should work to cultivate children's concern for others because it's fundamentally the right thing to do, and also because when children can empathize with and take responsibility for others, they're likely to be happier and more successful, they'll have better relationships their entire lives, and strong relationships are a key ingredient of happiness."

Rav Shamshon Raphael Hirsch notes that the Torah describes the ben sorer u’moreh not only as a rebellious child, but as one who is zoleil v’sovei, gluttonous and indulgent in meat and wine. Rav Hirsch explains that the inappropriate emphasis in the home on food and drink, success and indulgence, leads to rebelliousness. Parents, he says, must be much more concerned with their child’s values, behavior, sensitivity, and kindness than with the quantity and quality of the food their child is eating. We focus on our children being well-fed, well-dressed, and happy, all of which are important. But we must focus even more on who they are and how they behave than on their happiness. They need to know that we care more about their concern for the happiness of others than for their own happiness.

Weissbourd provides four recommendations to raise and cultivate kinder children:

1. Children and youth need ongoing opportunities to practice caring and helpfulness, sometimes with guidance from adults. Learning to be caring is like learning to play an instrument - it needs daily repetition. Encourage your children to help a friend with homework, pitch in around the house without a connection to a reward (like allowance), and to volunteer in some capacity. When you speak to your child or grandchild at the end of the day, don’t just ask how they are doing on their grades and tests but ask them if they did anything kind that day for someone else.

2. Children and youth need to learn to zoom in and zoom out. They need to listen

closely and attend to those in their immediate circle like family and friends but they also have to learn to zoom out and look for those who are too often invisible



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like a new kid in the class, or the school custodian who is largely ignored and feeling isolated.

3. Children and youth need strong role models. Veshinantem levanecha v’dibarta

bam, b’shivtecha b’veisecha u’velechtecha baderech… The Torah obligates us to teach our children and we usually assume it is fulfilled with v’dibarta bam, by articulating and verbally communicating our values. However, the truth is they learn much more from b’shivtecha b’veisecha, how we carry ourselves at home, the type of conversations we have, and activities we engage in. They learn from b’lechtecha ba’derech, what we do on the road. We should seek opportunities to share moments in our day when we were kind to another or when we were the recipients of the kindness of another and how it made us feel. If our deeds match our words our ideals will come across loud and clear.

4. Children need to be guided in managing destructive feelings. Anger, shame, envy

and other negative feelings arise and we need to teach children that those feelings are ok but must be dealt with constructively if they are to be resolved and not overwhelm their ability to care for others.

This morning is part two of our Elul Derasha Series for this year about living in concentric circles simultaneously. Last Shabbos we spoke about the relationship bein adom l’atzmo, the importance of taking good care of ourselves with positive energy, Torah study, taking time to breathe, and protecting what we put into our body and soul. Taking care of ourselves is important, but as the study shows, it doesn’t result in happiness. Caring about others, being kind and good, this is what brings happiness. The best gift we can give our children is not making them believe the world is about them, but helping them learn the world is about helping others. You see, as our parsha emphasizes, Hashem cares as much – if not more – about our behaving with righteousness, justice, and kindness as He does about our observing His laws. The parsha concludes with the laws of having honest weights and measures and describes one who doesn’t as a to’eivah, an abomination. However, the verse uses two phrases – kol oseh eileh, kol oseh aveil, one who does “these,” and one who does “iniquity.” Rav Menachem Bentzion Zaks, in his Menachem Tziyon, offers a novel interpretation. The abomination, he explains, is when someone is oseh eileh, learns Torah and does mitzvos and yet, oseh aveil, is dishonest, lacks integrity, and is unkind. God has no tolerance for such a duplicitous person. To Hashem, it is repulsive and despicable to appear as a religious, observant individual and yet be rotten to the core when it comes to honesty and righteousness. Wearing a kippa and going to Jewish school provide tremendous information, knowledge, and lessons. However, ultimately, our children are molded most by what they think that we, their parents and grandparents, value most. When our children are asked if their parents care more about achievement and happiness or being kind, let us do all we can to ensure that they know the right answer.



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Postscript: On the Friday of Shabbos Shuva, the woman who was spoken to disrespectfully had a knock on the door. Standing there with a bouquet of flowers was the young man who was most rude who came to apologize for his behavior and wish her a good year. The young man turned a big chillul Hashem into a kiddush Hashem by having the courage to own up to his behavior and ask for forgiveness.



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Ki Savo – September 5, 2015 Caring For All Jews Rosh Hashana is approaching in a few days and I am truly frightened. My fear stems not just from God’s impending annual judgment, but from the current status of our people and how we will appear before Him. Next week we will gather in synagogues around the world and beseech the Almighty – “v’yeiasu kulam aguda achas, bring us together with unity and togetherness in Your service.” At this moment, for too many, that prayer will be utterly disingenuous, as they have no interest or even tolerance to be together or unified with many of their fellow Jews. Recently, my Facebook page played host to a heated exchange in the comments section. An individual was respectfully but rigorously defending his support of the Iran deal. Someone who saw his position contacted me and actually suggested that I unfriend or block him for espousing such vile and dangerous positions. My fear is that we have reached a point that friends who have opposite opinions on the Iran deal and other contentious issues are unfriending each other online and in real life, incapable and unwilling to maintain a relationship with those that have come to different conclusions than they have on any range of issues. I have been an outspoken opponent of the Iran deal. I have written about and spoken about why I feel this deal is devastatingly dangerous and an enormous mistake with the gravest consequences. I have attended rallies, I have met with members of Congress, I have been to Washington to lobby, and I am going back again this week. Nobody can doubt where I stand on, or how strongly I feel about, this issue. And yet, I am fully aware and I recognize that not everybody, including many of my fellow Jews, feels as I do. They don’t love Israel less than I and they are not less concerned about our national security here in America than I am. They simply come at this issue from a different vantage point, trust different experts, defer to the opinion of different leaders in America and Israel, and have come to a different conclusion. I am not happy with their conclusion. Frankly, I find it difficult to even comprehend their conclusion. But nevertheless, I accept their right to have arrived at a different conclusion and I am committed to love them as fellow Jews despite their different conclusion. The Jerusalem Talmud (Berachos 9:1) tells us “Just as no two physical appearances are the same, similarly, no two opinions are the same.” Nobody has ever stopped talking to his or her friend because his eyes are a different color or her hair is a different style. Nobody has ever looked at a friend who is a different height or build or has different features and expressed hostility and anger for those differences. Why? Because we all intuitively know and implicitly accept that we are born with DNA that predisposes us



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towards our appearance. Our Rabbis were teaching us to recognize that similarly, our genetic makeups, our socio-economic statuses, our backgrounds, our experiences, and our lives predispose us to different opinions, perspectives, and conclusions. We recognize the right of others to look differently and we must acknowledge their right to think differently as well. After all, what choice do we really have? We are one people, one nation, and one covenantal community. Essentially, we are one family. Sometimes there are members of your family whose actions or behavior you disapprove of. There are times that you will disagree passionately with a member of your family and not even be able to comprehend their perspective. We don’t always like every member of our family. But nevertheless, the Torah tells us we need to love them. V’ahavta l’reiacha kamocha, love your neighbor as yourself, is not a commandment to feel a romantic love or even an emotional connection necessarily. It is a mandate to exhibit love and relate with love, even when dealing with someone you don’t like. We don’t have to always approve nor must we always agree, but we must conduct ourselves as a loyal and cohesive family. We are all in this together. We are responsible for one another. We have a shared history and like it or not, we will share one destiny. Congress will soon vote on the Iran deal and there will come a day after. As we approach Rosh Hashana, it is time to worry about what our family will look like on that day after if we can’t talk to one another, live with one another, or love one another again. What would our lives look like and how would our people function if we were no longer talking to all of those with whom we disagreed on Oslo and the Gaza withdrawal, or with whom we still disagree on abortion, gun control, same sex marriage, or the Iran deal? The command to love your neighbor doesn’t apply only to your neighbor with whom you agree and who votes like you and practices Judaism like you. It is most challenging and most meaningful when practiced with those with whom we disagree and even of whom we disapprove. Loving someone doesn’t mean we can’t disagree or debate passionately. But it does mean we must remain respectful throughout our dialogue and that when the dust settles and the debate ends, the things that we disagree about don’t define our relationship. It means when we disagree, even on something as critical and consequential as the Iran deal, we don’t write off or break off from those that have come to a different conclusion on how to best care for America and Israel. Loving fellow Jews means having their backs, being loyal and functioning as a family, regardless of our differences. It means not being dismissive, derogatory or denying others the right to be different and still be part of our family. Granted, Jewish law acknowledges that there are those who have forfeited the right to be loved by us. The wicked, our rabbis teach, have removed themselves from our family and are deserving of our animosity and dislike. While perhaps members of Neturei Karta who wave the Iranian flag and conspire with Israel’s enemies belong in this category, clearly



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those who love Israel and seek her security but disagree with us on how to achieve it, are full members of our family, deserving of our love and our loyalty. When we stand before the Almighty on Rosh Hashana, He will not have an interest in hearing from us if at the same moment we seek to talk to Him, we are not talking to groups of His children. When we recite kedusha in the repetition of the Amidah each day, we bow to our left and to our right. Rav Shlomo Wolbe writes (Alei Shur 2:431) that before we can affirm our love of God and acknowledge His holiness, we first need to look at those on the left of us and those on the right of us and affirm our love and acceptance of them. On seder night, we perform yachatz and break the middle matzah, and then recite magid, the story of our exodus. Our story can only be told, explains the Bobover Rebbe, if we bring both halves to the table. Our story is still being written and this is a crucial chapter. We can and should continue a rigorous debate and, given the stakes, respectfully lobby as hard as we can for our side. However, we need both halves at our family table. Rosh Hashana is coming and if we want Hashem to find favor with us, we need to find favor with one another. It is time to heal our family and find a way to love one another even when we vehemently disagree with one another. Only then can we sincerely come before God as one nation, one people, one family, turning to our Father in Heaven for a year of peace and prosperity.



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Parshas Netzavim – September 12, 2015 Hashem Loves You! There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?” The man said, “Here and there.” The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?” The man said, “This and that.” The judge then said, “Take him away.” The man said, “Wait, judge, when will I get out?” The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.” We often picture God this time of year as a judge, sitting at His bench, waiting to catch us, judge us and hold us accountable. Not only is this not a healthy and constructive image, it is not the image our rabbis and our tradition want us to have. We are in the final days of the month of Elul, the last month of the year. We believe that while we have an opportunity for an audience with Hashem throughout the year, in this month, He is even more accessible. Yeshaya HaNavi taught us "Dirshu Hashem behimatzeo kerauhu bihiyoso karov," call out to Hashem when He is found, call Him when He is close. The Gemara understands this to be describing the days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, but the Meiri (Chibbur ha-Teshuvah, p. 250) writes that this passuk is referring to Hashem's increased accessibility during the entire month of Elul. The Alter Rebbe would describe that all year long the King sits in His palace and we can seek a meeting or get our message across through an agent. However, in Elul, the King is in the field, He leaves His palace and comes around to see us, hear from us and be available to us. Our rabbis list many acronyms for Elul. In fact, I saw one list of 55 different pesukim or parts of pesukim in Tanach that have words beginning with aleph, lamed, vav, lamed. However, the most famous are the pasuk in Shir HaShirim – ani l’dodi v’dodi li, I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me, the pasuk in sefer devarim es l’vavcha v’es l’vav referring to circumcising our hearts, and the pasuk from Esther ish l’rei’eihu u’matanos l’evyonim, giving gifts to the poor. In his sefer V’higadeta, Rav Yankele Galinsky suggests that these three acronyms correspond with the three critical ingredients in the formula for forgiveness and for achieving good fortune – teshuva, tefila, u’tzedaka. Ani l’dodi is teshuva, he says. The Rambam writes (Hilchos Teshuva 7:7) Kama me’uleh ha’teshuva, how great is teshuva that yesterday you were far from Hashem and through it, today you come close. Shuvu elei v’ashuva Aleichem.



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Es levavecha v’es l’vav zarecha corresponds with tefila, which emanates from a feeling, sensitive heart. Finally, ish l’reiehu u’matanos l’evyonim corresponds with tzedaka. This month of Elul, today and tomorrow, we are to be guided by the acronyms which remind us the pathway to removing the ro’ah ha’gezeira and replacing it with blessing and prosperity. We need to daven, not just the words but from the heart, and we need to give tzedaka, do chesed, care about others. But it all begins with ani l’dodi v’dodi li, a sense of reciprocal love with Hashem. Our rabbis did not want us to live this month gripped with fear and paralyzed by fright. The image they painted is not one of a strict judge seeking to exact justice. When they sought to provide an image, when they looked for a verse, of the 55 in Tanach they could have chosen from, almost all selected ani l’dodi v’dodi li. The Mishna Berura and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, two works on Halacha, quote it. The Avudraham emphasizes that it is this acronym that best conveys the sentiment of this time of year, a deep and profound sense of love. Our rabbis chose a pasuk from Shir HaShirim, the ultimate love story describing the yearning, longing, love and affection between Hashem and His people. Note that Shir HaShirim is not the story of our boundless love and dedication for Hashem. Nor is it the story of Hashem’s unconditional love and affection for us. It is ani l’dodi v’dodi li, it is the story of reciprocal love, of give and take, of two parties both invested in the relationship with each other. My friends, we don’t talk about this often enough and perhaps it is because another religion essentially stole it from us and put it on bumper stickers everywhere, but you need to know – Hashem loves us. He doesn’t just know we exist. He isn’t just aware of every detail of our lives and He doesn’t just involve Himself in our lives. He thinks about us, cares about us, craves a relationship with us, and most of all, He loves us. Hashem loves us means He isn’t looking to catch us or punish us. He wants what is best for us. He roots and cheers for us. He wants us to succeed and He wants us to be happy. Hashem knows all of our faults and shortcomings. He is aware of our mistakes and our challenges, and yet He loves us. He is never jealous of us, He is never competing with us and He is never tired of us. He simply loves us. What He wants in return is to be loved by us as well. We sometimes struggle to feel Hashem’s love or to feel His presence in our lives and if you are going through a difficult time, that is certainly understandable. But nevertheless, we all need to remember: Ani l’dodi v’dodi li – Elul is all about reciprocity. Hashem relates to us as a reflection of how we relate to Him. We want to count on Him, but can He count on us? We wish He would talk to us, but do we sincerely talk to Him? We want Him to think of us but how often do we think of Him?



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I have recently seen someone around minyan during the week and learning when I hadn’t seen him coming often before. I met with him about something else and took the liberty of praising him and telling him how great it has been to see him around. I asked him, if you don’t mind, would you tell me what motivated you to start coming? He explained that recently he had suffered a terrible disappointment in his life. Something he was longing for and had been seriously invested in didn’t work out and left him back at square one. He was so mad, so angry, so devastated that he got in his car to go for a drive just to clear his head and cool off. As he is driving around he starts screaming at God – how could you? Why would you do this to me? Where have you been?! It was with those last words that it suddenly struck him – where have YOU been, that is exactly what God is wondering about him. Suddenly, he was overwhelmed not with anger or disappointment towards God but with a sense of how disappointed God must be with him for cutting Him out of his life. At that moment, while still driving around in his car, he decided he was going to start showing up more, talking to Hashem more, showing God a little more love. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li – this is the month of reciprocal love. Start showing God some love and you will see and feel Him loving you back. In the mid-1920’s, a chassid approached the Imrei Emes, Rabbi Avraham Mordechai Alter of Ger: “Rebbe, I am traveling to Paris on a ten day business trip. Would the Rebbe give me a bracha (blessing) that I be successful in my venture?” After a warm blessing the Rebbe continued to make his own request. “In Paris they sell an exclusive cigar brand that is reputed to be the best in all of Western Europe. I would appreciate if you would find that brand and bring me back a box.” The chassid was puzzled by the request, but responded enthusiastically. “Of course, Rebbe! No problem. I will find out which is the best brand in all of France and bring you back two boxes!” The men went on his trip and indeed returned two weeks later. He visited the Rebbe to thank him for his blessing. “Do you have the cigars?” asked the Rebbe. The man blushed. “Rebbe, you have to forgive me. When I was in Paris, I was so immersed in business that I totally forgot about your request. But do not worry. On the way back I made a special stop in Belgium and got you the best Belgian cigar available. I was assured that it is of equal quality to the French cigar if not better!” The Rebbe shook his head. “My dear chassid, I did not need cigars. The reason I asked you to get me the cigars while you were in France is because I wanted those cigars to be on your mind. In that manner you would remember during your stay there that you have a Rebbe.”



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Hashem gives us lots of mitzvos, asked us to do many things. He doesn’t need our mitzvos. He gives them to us because He wants us to have Him on our minds, to think about Him, to care about Him, to love Him. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li – Hashem loves us so much. He showers us with blessing. If we would only take the time each day to think about it. If we would only make the effort to keep a gratitude journal we would recognize how much goodness, how many blessings we receive that far surpass what we deserve. Hashem loves us. Do we show Him love in return?



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Rosh Hashana – September 14-15, 2015 Make Resolutions, Not a Wish List It was an ordinary day in Judge Mindy Glazer’s Miami-Dade courtroom when forty-nine-year-old Arthur Booth appeared before her for his bond hearing. He had been arrested the previous day for breaking into a home, stealing a car, and running from police. He caused two accidents before crashing the stolen car and being arrested. What happened next was incredible. My description cannot even do it justice; I encourage you after Yom Tov to see it for yourself. As she shuffled papers on her desk, Judge Glazer turned to Booth and said, "I have a question for you — did you go to Nautilus (middle school)?" Booth looked up at her, recognized her, then covered his face with both hands and, overwhelmed with emotion, cried "Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!” seven times. The judge then said to him, "I'm sorry to see you here. I always wondered what happened to you.” She turned to the court and continued, "This was the nicest kid in middle school. He was the best kid. I used to play football with him, all the kids, and look what has happened." Glazer set his bond at $43,000 and closed the hearing by saying, "Good luck to you sir," she said. "I hope you are able to come out of this okay and just lead a lawful life." Booth’s cousin was interviewed by the news right after the hearing and was asked why she thought he was so emotional. She answered, “He probably was thinking, ‘Wow, I had those opportunities and those abilities. That should have been me up there… He was overwhelmed with emotion because he was filled with remorse and the thoughts of what could have been.” “Ha’yom haras olam, ha’yom ya’amid ba’mishpat kol yetzurei olamim… Today is the birthday of the world. Today all creatures of the world stand in judgment.” This morning, like Booth, we appear before the Judge who recognizes us, who knows us since our childhood and beyond. Like Booth, as we appear before the Judge of Judges, we are overwhelmed with a sense of what could have been. This morning, as we confront the reality of the many mistakes we have made, the poor judgment we have shown, the self-destructive behavior we have engaged in, the opportunities we have wasted and the potential we have not realized, we are filled with a profound sense of remorse, an intense regret, and an acute awareness of who we could be. Leo Tolstoy, the famous Russian writer, once said, “Everybody wants to change this world; nobody wants to change themselves.” I disagree. I think we do want to change. We want to become the people we were meant to be, the people we are capable of being. Many of just don’t know how.



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Rabbi Yehudah Halevi writes in one of his poems: “The world at large is a prison and every man is a prisoner.” We often feel trapped, confined by the self-imposed limitations we set on ourselves or by the habits, practices and behaviors that we think we cannot break out of or change. According to the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, as many as 40% of our daily activities are driven by habit. Will we be late or on time, will we get angry or keep our cool, will we eat healthy or let ourselves go, will we be distracted by technology or disconnect, will we make it to minyan or daven at home or not daven at all, will we say a beracha with kavana before we eat or when we come out of the bathroom, say it in a meaningless way, or not say it at all – all of these and many more have been programmed into our daily lives such that we are practically on autopilot. We feel imprisoned and trapped by the habits we have formed and the momentum that carries our lives forward. We are familiar with the first part of the passuk in Tehillim (81) that is part of our prayers and our Kiddush today: “tiku b’chodesh shofar, b’keseh l’yom chageinu, ki chok k’yisroel hu, mishpat lei’lokei Yaakov.” But it continues, eidus bi’hoseif samo, b’tzeiso al eretz mitzrayim, it is a testimony for Yosef when he went out over the land of Egypt. Our rabbis teach us (Rosh Hashana 10b) that today, Rosh Hashana, is the anniversary of the day Yosef was released from prison in Egypt. According to Chazal, Yosef’s release from prison specifically on this day is not a mere coincidence, but it is a reflection of the power and potential for becoming free on this day. Chazal understood that when we blow the shofar on Rosh Hashana it is “a testimony for Yosef,” as it commemorates his leaving prison on that very day. As we listen to the sound of the shofar this morning, as we celebrate Yosef’s release from prison, it is time to recognize that today, Rosh Hashana, it is time for us to break out of our prisons, today is the day to finally attain freedom from that which restricts and restrains us. In one of his letters, the Rambam draws an analogy between teshuva, the exodus from our previous selves, and the exodus from Egypt. On Pesach, we tell the story of our national exodus from Egypt. On Rosh Hashana, we write the story of our personal exodus from that which holds us back and enslaves us. A fundamental analysis often offered in Brisker lomdus is the distinction between the cheftza and gavra, the object and the person. In an incredible teshuva derasha from 1974, the Rav applied cheftza and gavra to describe two components of the mitzvah of tekias shofar. We don’t have time to review his entire thesis now but I want to share the Rav’s application to the impact shofar is designed to have on us. Rabbi Soloveitchik explains that human beings have the potential to be objects or subjects. When our lives are on autopilot, when we become creatures of habit, we have allowed ourselves to essentially become objects. When we are mindful and spiritually



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conscious, when we are driving our lives instead of being driven by them, we are subjects. It is not a coincidence that when the Jewish people fail, make mistakes and come up short, such as with the cheit of Chava, the cheit ha’egel, Shimshon and others, the Torah describes them with the word “falling.” An object is affected by gravity. It descends and falls. Similarly, when we allow our lives to be objects, we fall. In contrast, when the Torah wants to describe someone who is growing, changing, or doing teshuva, as the Torah uses the language of ascending, going up. When we choose to be subjects rather than objects, when we are disciplined and in control of our lives, we can overcome the force of gravity and lift ourselves up. The Rambam famously writes, “Although the shofar blowing of Rosh Hashana is a Torah law (and thus no explanation for the command is needed), there is an allusion in it, as if the shofar were saying, ‘Awake, sleepers from your sleep! Arise, slumberers from your slumber! Scrutinize your deeds…Remember your Creator.” When we are sleeping, we are objects. We are just unconscious bodies. When we wake up, we become subjects again, animated, thoughtful people making choices. Many of us are sleeping even while awake. We are living life as objects. The shofar is the alarm that screams wake up! Be a subject not an object, ascend don’t descend; set yourself free from the prison of your life. The Rama, Rav Moshe Isserles, in his gloss on Shulchan Aruch quotes the Yerushalmi: “nohagin she’lo lishon b’yom Rosh Hashana u’minhag nachon hu. We have the practice not to nap or sleep on Rosh Hashana day and this is a worthy custom.” Rosh Hashana is not a time to be an object; it is the day to be subjects, to wake up and finally make the lasting changes to become the people we know and the Judge knows we were meant to be. But how? Rav Kalonymus Kalman Shapira, hy”d, also known as the Piaseczno Rebbe, was a Chassidic Rebbe in Poland who served as the Rabbi of the Warsaw Ghetto and, after surviving the uprising, was later shot dead by the Nazis in the Trawniki labor camp. He had such incredible human insight and advice, you may have thought he was trained as a psychologist or motivational speaker. In his spiritual diary called Tzav V’Ziruz he has the following entry:

If you want to know if you you’ve progressed on your spiritual path over the years, the way to judge is to look at your resolution – at your inner drive – and not at your wishes. Only the inner drive with which you work to attain your desired goal is called resolution. But if you don’t work but rather just want, this is not called resolution. It is just some wish that you wish for yourself to be blessed with that desired objective. For example,



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the pauper who works to sustain himself, this is a drive, because he is doing something constructive toward it. But the wish that he’ll find a million dollars is just a wish to be rich and not a resolution. Every Jew would like to be a tzadik, but this is no more than a wish; he’d like to wake up in the morning and suddenly find himself a tzadik. Only the level and state of being that you seriously work toward can truly be called a resolution.

The secret to real change, says the Rebbe, is to be honest with ourselves and to distinguish between our wishes and actually making resolutions. There are countless things we claim to want to change about ourselves. We want to eat more healthy, be more patient, spend more time with our children, find time to volunteer, attend daf yomi, go to minyan more often, learn what the words of the siddur really mean, do chesed, stop speaking lashon ha’rah, and so on. We claim to want to do them, but the truth is they are just wishes. We wish to wake up one morning, as the Rebbe said, and find ourselves suddenly doing those things or living that way. The real secret to change is to stop wishing and to start making real resolutions. Personal growth is the result of making a plan, spelling it out and holding ourselves accountable to keeping to it. I was recently talking to Daniel Gibber, Rabbi Gibber’s brother, who lives in Teaneck. He is spiritually on fire and sounds more like a young man who just got back from his second year of studying in Israel than a middle-aged father far removed from yeshiva. Just talking to him and hearing his energy, passion, and excitement for Torah and learning is contagious. He told me about how he is waking up early every morning, going to daf yomi shiur, and staying for minyan. He listens to inspiring classes on the way to and from work and has arranged a weekly shiur in his neighborhood on emunah. Naturally, I asked him how it happened. He shared the following: He had been a disaffected, typical day school graduate living life, working hard, paying the bills, and though he was doing his best to be a good husband, father, and person, he was totally disconnected from anything spiritual. His life was the grind of family life, coaching basketball, and professional ambition; he had drifted so far he wasn’t davening at all let alone attending minyan. On August 1, 2012, everything changed. He attended the 12th Siyum HaShas at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey along with 90,000 other people. He hadn’t learned daf yomi and was mostly there out of pride for his grandfathers who had learned the daf numerous times. There were many speakers that evening in Yiddish, Hebrew, and English. Deep into the night, Rabbi Yissocher Frand took the podium and delivered an impassioned 22-minute speech that electrified the stadium. He spoke about the Bas Kol, the heavenly voice that asks each one of us why we aren’t doing more to learn and to strengthen our relationships with Hashem. Rabbi Frand was adamant in suggesting that



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in response to the proverbial Bas Kol, “every one of us must leave here with a plan.” He challenged the attendees to “learn a Daf a day. If you can’t learn a Daf a day then make it an Amud a day, or a Daf of Mishna Berurah a day or a Mishna a day.” He then yelled out - “But SOMETHING a day!” For some reason, at that moment, those words pierced Daniel Gibber’s soul and touched him in a way nothing else ever had. “Something a day.” Why not do something a day. Surely he is capable of doing something a day. The next day he started learning daf yomi, but soon after he missed a day here and there. He realized that he needed a plan, it couldn’t just be a good intention, and so he joined a daf yomi shiur every morning at 5:30 a.m. Once he was going to shul that early, he realized he might as well stay for Shacharis. A few months later he realized that it is silly that he goes to shul for Shacharis every day but doesn’t even daven Mincha so he started davening Mincha and Ma’ariv and a few months later, thought to himself, why not go back to shul for Mincha and Ma’ariv each evening. It all started with a plan. He made it a priority to go to the early daf, which turned into staying for minyan, which turned into a love of Torah learning, which resulted in a deepening of emunah and a life on fire. It all began with a plan, it all began with a resolution to do something each day. When you make a resolution, when you formulate a plan, you need to know where the pitfalls lie and what is likely to try to knock you off your course. The pasuk says in Tehillim (119:98) mei’oyvai sechakmeini, from my enemies I became wise. Rav Yankele Galinsky explains mei’oyvai means I need to gain wisdom and strategy from studying my yetzer ha’rah. Only when I identify the obstacles and hazards can I plan to avoid them and circumvent them. An indispensable part of the Rambam’s formulation of teshuva is kaballah al ha’asid. A personal kabbalah is not a wish, it is a resolution, it is a pledge to keep to a plan. Last summer, Yocheved and I were both very inspired from some of the people we met and conversations we had. When we returned to Boca we decided to each make a list of kabalos, things we were taking upon ourselves to do differently. We each made our list and then met for lunch one day to exchange lists and talk about how we can in a loving way hold one another accountable so that the kabalos last and stick. I am proud to say that they are still going well and I credit it to the fact that on our way back to Boca, we didn’t talk about wishes – I wish I was more like him, or I wish our home were more like that. We made real resolutions, not just a wish list. A plan, a resolution, has to be articulated to be serious. We can put it down on paper, set it as a reminder in our phone, or simply repeat it out loud to ourselves over and over but it isn’t real, it is just a wish, not a resolution unless it is formally verbalized, articulated or recorded in a way that will make us more likely to follow through.



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Share your kabbalah, your resolution, and plan with your spouse, a family member, or a trusted friend. Ask them to help you formulate a plan and hold you accountable to your commitment. Leadership expert Robin Sharma once said, “Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.” Let’s not sit Rosh Hashana after Rosh Hashana and fill our hearts and minds with wishes that will dissipate as quickly as the sound of shofar. Let’s not sit before the Judge who knew us since we are born and knows what we are capable of, crying because of the missed opportunities and what we could have been. Today, right now, like Yosef, let’s walk out of prison and set ourselves free to become the people we know we can be. This year, when people ask you how was your Rosh Hashana – tell them, I am not sure yet, I will let you know in six months after I implement my plan.

Shabbos Shuva – September 19, 2015

Finding Your Unique Mission

For Shabbos Shuva outline and source sheets, see here - http://rabbi.brsonline.org/shabbosshuva2015lifemission.pdf



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Yom Kippur – September 23, 2015 Hold on to the Sacred Trash In a small room high above the women’s balcony in the Ben Ezra Synagogue of Cairo sat an enormous pile of trash. The geniza, or sheimos room of this ancient shul, housed thousands and thousands of discarded documents and worn books piled high. The room remained that way for the better part of a thousand years. The Jewish population moved to another part of Cairo and ultimately migrated from Egypt altogether. All the while, the geniza room at the Ben Ezra Synagogue was home to an gigantic pile of trash…or so it was thought. After centuries of remaining hidden, preserved by the dry climate of the region, towards the end of the 19th century, stray items found in the pile of “trash” started to be sold to curious Western buyers. In 1896, Agnes Lewis and Margaret Gibson—widowed Scottish sisters from Cambridge who were remarkable scholars of Arabic and Syriaic—bought a few fragments on their way through Cairo. When they got home, they shared their purchases with their friend Solomon Schechter, who immediately understood their incredible significance. In the autumn of 1897, Schechter went to Cairo where he developed a relationship with the Grand Rabbi and was allowed to enter the Ben Ezra synagogue. For the next four weeks he sifted through papers waste deep, with insects everywhere and clouds of dusts rising with each movement he made. He ignored the printed books and focused on the manuscripts. Schechter filled four trunks and with the help of Lord Cromer, the de facto ruler of Egypt, he shipped the trunks back to Cambridge. Since then, for more than a century, scholars have analyzed and deciphered those trunks of “trash.” As it turns out, in that geniza dump sat 331,351 of pieces of writing, kisvei yad dating from as early as 870 C.E. Among the treasure trove of documents was a letter signed by the Rambam as well as a draft of the Rambam’s Mishna Torah that he himself hand-corrected. In their book, “Sacred Trash: The Lost and Found World of the Cairo Geniza,” historians Adina Hoffman and Peter Cole tell the story of this remarkable discovery and how it has transformed our understanding of Jewish history, literature, economics, marriage, prayer, hebrew grammar, halacha and every subject you can imagine. Others saw garbage - Solomon Schechter saw sacred trash. Amar Reish Lakish, gedolah teshuva she’zedonos na’asos lo k’shegagos, great is teshuva for because of its existence, premeditated sins are accounted as mistakes. V’ha’Amar Reish Lakish, gedola teshuva she’zedonos na’asos lo k’zechuyos, but didn’t Reish Lakish say that great is teshuva for because of its existence premeditated sins are accounted as merits? Lo kasha, kaan mei’ahava, kaan mei’yirah.



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It is understandable that through the process of repair, correction, and improvement we are able to transform the status of our intentional indiscretions into unintended accidents. But merits? How, even through the most sincere and intense teshuva, can mistakes, shortcomings, or failures be transformed into zechuyos, into merits and virtues? In 1968, 3M laboratories was working to create super strong adhesives for use in the aerospace industry in building planes. Spencer Silver, a researcher, accidentally managed to create an incredibly weak pressure-sensitive adhesive agent. They tried putting it on a bulletin board but nothing would stick to it. 3M management had no use for it and nobody, including Silver himself, could think of a marketable use for it. The mistaken discovery was shelved. Five years later, Art Fry, a chemical engineer at 3M, had an idea. Art sang in a church choir in St. Paul, Minnesota. A pet peeve of his was how the song page markers in his hymn book kept falling out in the middle of singing. He had an idea. He went to Silver and suggested they were using the adhesive backwards. Instead of sticking it to the bulletin board, they should put it on a piece of paper and then one can stick the paper to anything and later remove it. The idea took off and today 3M sells more than 50 billion Post-it Notes every year. Post-it Notes are one example of many of the discoveries that yielded breakthroughs that we benefit from every day that were found by accident or were the result of a mistake. Mistakes are not meant to be discarded, erased or forgotten. They are meant to be teaching tools that enable correction and empower discovery, breakthrough, and growth. In Al Ha’Teshuva, Rabbi Soloveitchik writes: “Sin is not to be forgotten, blotted out or cast into the depths of the sea. On the contrary, sin has to be remembered. It is the memory of sin that releases the power within the inner depths of the soul of the penitent to do greater things that even before. The energy of sin can be used to bring one to new heights.” The Talmudic sage Reish Lakish was renowned as a man who sinned grievously and repented. According to Rabbeinu Tam (Baba Metzia 84), Reish Lakish was an accomplished scholar before he became a thief. (Mikan amar Rabbeinu Tam d’Reish Lakish mit’chila yada harbei elah she’parak ol Torah v’naaseh am ha’aret v’asak b’listiyos) After he fell to thievery, Rav Yochanan succeeded in convincing him to repent of his ways and thereafter, Reish Lakish became “even greater” than he had been before. How did this happen? Certainly, while he was out thieving and robbing, he wasn’t engaged in the study of Torah! What, then, made him greater after he sinned than he had been before? Sin itself! The penitent who does not wipe out the past nor tear the pages of sin from his memory, but rather makes a point to use the memory of his sins to enhance his longings for holiness that are bursting forth from inside of him – such a person achieves the quality of repentance which elevates evil to a state of goodness.



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Before ever seeing this explanation from the Rav, my brother once suggested understanding Reish Lakish’s statement in the following way. When we are in neutral, in a state of status quo, we have confusion how to get close to Hashem, what is the next step, what do I need to do. But when we have a made a mistake, we have carved a path backwards. Of course, the negative is that we have become distanced in our relationship with Hashem. The potential positive, however, is that we now have a clear path before us of what we need to do next, of how to draw closer. Zedonos na’aseh k’zechuyos, that mistake ironically carved a clear path and that path is a zechus. This phenomenon is true in all relationships. If I did something that aggravated my spouse, I have created some friction. However, that mistake has revealed for me something important for our relationship and if I choose to learn from it, the relationship can go to new heights it has not seen previously. Esther Perel, a prominent psychotherapist gave an incredible TED Talk that I think every couple should watch whether happily married or struggling. It is called “Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved” and she says this…

So how do we heal from an affair? Desire runs deep. Betrayal runs deep. But it can be healed. And some affairs are death knells for relationships that were already dying on the vine. But others will jolt us into new possibilities. The fact is, the majority of couples who have experienced affairs stay together. But some of them will merely survive, and others will actually be able to turn a crisis into an opportunity. They'll be able to turn this into a generative experience. …But because I think that good can come out of an affair, I have often been asked this very strange question: Would I ever recommend it? Now, I would no more recommend you have an affair than I would recommend you have cancer, and yet we know that people who have been ill often talk about how their illness has yielded them a new perspective.

As the Gemara said, when approached mi’yirah, if the goal is to eliminate the consequences, with hard work the mistake can be erased and be like an accident. But if approached mei’ahava, with tremendous dedication and effort, the friction can be the catalyst for major revelation and breakthrough in the relationship yielding a closer, more authentic, genuine and loyal relationship than ever existed before. My friends, we are here tonight and tomorrow because we have practiced infidelity with the Almighty. We have made mistakes. Some have been minor and some have been more egregious breaches of trust and acts of ingratitude. With each al cheit that we beat our chest, if we are motivated only out of yirah, by a desire to avoid being punished, we can turn our intentional acts into accidental ones. But if with each al cheit we come mei’ahava, with a deep love and profound desire to use our mistake to draw closer, we



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can turn this crisis into an opportunity and today can be the first day of a renewed relationship of faith and love. Today, Yom Kippur, is the anniversary of Moshe coming down with the second set of tablets, the unbroken luchos that would endure. And yet, the Talmud tells us that luchos v’shivrei luchos munachim ba’aron, both the whole tablets and the broken pieces from the first luchos, sat side by side in the Ark. The broken pieces, the symbol of a great mistake and a terrible act of infidelity were not discarded, trashed, or forgotten. They were saved, remembered, and placed right next to the whole luchos in the holy Aron. Sacred trash. Our Rabbis tell us at the end of Maseches Ta’anis that Yom Kippur is the happiest day of the year. Most explain it is because on Yom Kippur we achieve forgiveness but I have always been bothered, if that is the case, only Motzei Yom Kippur, only once we breathe a sigh of relief and exhale from a month of intense prayer, should be the happiest day. Why Yom Kippur? Zedonos na’aseh k’zechuyos – having the path laid out in front of us and the clarity of what we need to do, is in fact a source of incredible happiness and joy. As you say al cheit this year, don’t think about it in terms of what went wrong in the past as much as each al cheit revealing exactly what we need to work on to make our mistakes into opportunities going forward. When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2,000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2,000-step process." The Gemara (nedarim 39b) teaches that teshuva was created before the world itself. God knew that we would make mistakes and He provided a tool to recover from them. Everyone makes mistakes. We all come up short and disappoint the ones we love including the Ribono Shel Olam. The question is not whether or not we will make mistakes. It is what will we do with them. Our broken luchos and our sacred trash belong in our ark, as part of our live journey, teaching, enabling and empowering us to personal discovery and breakthrough.

rabbi!efrem!goldberg! [email protected]!pdf.brsonline.org/sermondigest2015.pdf · rabbi shlomo...

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