w w w. t h e we e k l y b e a n . c a

(306) 825-5694 or e-mail:labean@sasktel.net

September 29, 2014

You’ve Got to Be Kidding

As part of a nationwide distribution of surplus military equipment, 10 Texas school districts eagerly acquired a total of 64 M-16 rifles, 18 M-14s, 25 automatic pistols and magazines capable of holding 4,500 rounds of ammunition. District officials referred generally to the need to protect against school attacks such as the notorious incidents in Col-orado and Connecticut, but a local Houston area police chief, seeking to reassure a nervous public, prom-ised that the equipment would be used only by tactically trained officers and that, otherwise, would be locked in the department’s armory. A critic of the program

told KHOU-TV that statistically, the typical active-shooter school situation lasts 12 minutes, hardly enough time to get to the armory and load up. [KHOU-TV, 9-5-2014]

The Skin Chair

London designer Gigi Barker recently unveiled the Skin chair (priced at the equivalent of about $2,500), made of leather but with a “pheromone-impregnated silicone base” that makes it feel (and smell, perhaps) like one is “lounging in the fleshy, comforting folds of a man’s belly.” The Skin was scheduled for exhibition this month at the London DesignFestival. [Quartz, 7-25-201

THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS’ SCIENCE EXAMS:

q ”Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin

and water.”q ”When you breathe, you inspire. When you do

not breathe, you expire.”q ”H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”q ”Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries,

vanes, and caterpillars.”q ”Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines

down on them and makes them perspire.”q The body consists of three parts - the

brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax

contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of

which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.”

U of S Wind Orchestra and Jazz Ensemble perform on October 16 (Thursday) at 7:30 pm at Vic Juba Community Theatre.

The University of Saskatchewan Wind Orchestra, under the direction of Dr. Darrin Oehlerking, is comprised of approximately 45 members. This orchestra performs artistic and challenging repertoire.

In 2005, they released a commercial CD, Winds of the Prairie: A Celebration, as a part of Centennial Saskatchewan. In 2007, a 2nd commercial CD was released, Lilium: A Celebration, as a tribute to the University’s 100th anniversary and the University Band’s 45th anniversary. In Fall 2009, The Wind Orchestra released their 3rd commercial CD, Innovare: A Celebration.

In addition to recordings, the USWO is active in commissioning new works for wind band. In 2012, the orchestra partnered with the University of Saskatchewan Jazz Ensemble to commission Mr. Jeff Presslaf. The resulting work, Chorea Latina, was a piece for full wind band and big band together.

The University of Saskatchewan Jazz Ensemble is a 25-piece jazz orchestra. In recent years this ensemble has commissioned and premiered many new works, and released 5 CDs in their Bumper Crop series.

Their conductor Professor Dean McNeill is an award-winning Canadian trumpet player/composer who teaches brass and jazz courses at the U of S. Dean has performed on over 20 CDs in the jazz, classical, and commercial genres combined. His own CDs Prairie Fire: Large Jazz Ensemble Music and Mélange: New Music For Trumpet and Piano have both received critical acclaim.

Tickets are $40 for adults and $5 for students. Tickets may be ordered at the Box Office via phone at 780-872-7400, online at vicjubatheatre.ca or in person at Vic Juba Community Theatre, Monday to Friday, 9:30 am to 3:30 pm.

Wines from Around the World are Yours for the Making.

The Top 10 Signs That You Have A Gambling Problem

10) Most people say “Super Size”; you tell the kid behind the counter: “Hit Me”.

9) You put coins in parking meters hoping for “The Big Payoff”.

8) You videotape Lottery Number announcements.

7) You give odds as to when you’ll mow the lawn.

6) You spend more on doggie treats for “your friends at the track” than you do groceries.

5) You have actually bet on weather forecasts.

4) Your skin is a pasty white color from being inside casinostoo long

3) You blow on and then shake the keys before giving them to someone.

2) You get your paycheck each week in chips.

1) You admit to gambling on the out come of every reality television show.

Baby Bean29.09.14

Wednesday

Mar. 19

Cloth Diapers & AccessoriesSwim Diapers

Cloth Diaper Trials & RentalsHazelwood & Amber Teething Necklaces

Showroom open by appointment

Tara Keichinger | 780. 205. 5298

NEW! Hemming and minor alterations

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is for you!

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Doula Services & Prenatal workshops

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(what)To eat or (what) not to eat – that is the question! If you are pregnant you may often feel you have to justify you food choices. You may get unwanted advice from family, friends or even complete strangers.We have a national obsession with what we eat and there is a lot of con�icting information out there. It can lead to confusion and even fear of whether what you are eating will harm their baby. Attitudes towards nutrition vary greatly between each generation and between cultures. Depending on where a woman lives can also e�ect what she hears and understands about nutrition.So what should a woman do? You have to eat so there must be the perfect solution out there somewhere. Sorry to say there isn’t. Every woman is di�erent and will gain weight throughout pregnancy at di�erent rates and in di�erent ways. A mother may gain weight and it can be she is gaining from nourishing foods or from empty calories that neither bene�t her or her baby. Remember no diagnostic lab test you may take at your doctors o�ce will change whether you have a healthy pregnancy, birth or baby, only you can do that. Here are a few suggestions and ideas.Using common sense when it comes to food purchasing and food handling is important, especially when working with raw meats. Make a plan. Meal plans go a long way to help budget wise and also so you aren’t just randomly grabbing things o� the shelf. Be aware of what you are eating. Pam England suggests that you “make a mental picture of your hungry baby eating right along with you”. Eating in awareness can prepare you for birthing in awareness.

Why Good Nutrition?Poor nutrition has been implicated as one cause or a contributing factor to all of the following:1. Prematurity2. SGA (Small for Gestational Age)or Low birth weight infants3. Pre-eclampsia/toxemia/high blood pressure4. Placental abruption5. Gestational diabetes6. Poor healing and increased rate of susceptibility to infections7. Prolonged labor/maternal exhaustion8. Anemia9. Postpartum hemorrhage/coagulation disorders

Be Healthy: tips for self-care•Nourish yourself & your baby•Eat organic when possible•Eat antibiotic free products•Eat fresh fruits & raw vegetables•Eat fresh salad daily•Drink at least 8 cups of filtered water daily•Eat approximately 80grams of protein and 3000 calories a day•Take supplements including: Vita E (400IU, take with foods containing fat),Vita C (500mg, take with iron), Folic Acid (800mcg), Iron (75mg), Calcium (1200mg, do not take with iron), Magnesium (600mg), Zinc (20mg), High quality Fish oil (900mg)•Eat the rainbow: here’s a small list of great foods to enjoy:whole grains, oats, �ax, wheat germ, legumes, lentils yogurt, cheese, hummus, cottage cheese, eggs, colorful fresh fruits and vegetables like avocados, sweet potatoes, peas, bananas, oranges, kale, peppers, leafy greens, seeds, nuts like walnuts and almonds, organic and local meats, salmon, tuna•Write a 3 day food journal and see what you may need to add•Eat when you’re hungry and learn your hunger cues•In the last trimester the need for protein, iron, calcium increase•Your baby will store iron for up to 6-9 months so make sure you iron levels are good•When breastfeeding you need about 4,000 calories/day and you will need extra protein and calcium•Avoid processed foods and refined carbs•Avoid aspartame & olestra

Don’t eat anxiously by worrying that you’ll meet the daily nutritional requirements, but eat mindfully by making a conscious decision to eat wholesome foods. Pregnancy is a great time to create healthy habits and it gives you motivation to do so.So make one small change today that will help you on your journey to being healthy and having a healthy baby.(If you have any questions or concerns please consult a qualified nutritionist or naturopath)

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Lloydminster: A Traveller’s Guide to Canada’s Only Border City The Chamber of Commerce has teamed up with Red Bicycle Communications to build a guide to Lloydminster – what there is to see, what there is to do, and what can you expect as a local resident. This guide will serve two main audiences: new residences & travellers.

In case you haven’t noticed, Lloyd is vastly growing and we have new residences come to make Lloyd their home every day. But as they’re coming here for work, they might not know what there is to do in this city – that’s where this guide can help. Lets show them all that Lloyd has to offer – from swimming pools, to nearby lakes and parks, to horse-back riding, to special annual events, and much more! This guide isn’t just for the new residences either, but for current residence, and travellers alike. With Lloyd being the hub between Edmonton and Saskatoon, there are numerous people who come to the border city each day to go shopping, visit friends, go to a movie, etc. And of course, with all the new residences coming to Lloyd – their families are sure to visit!

We couldn’t be more excited for this to debut in our city and we invite you to get involved!

Do you know of a great place that should be featured in this guide? Write to us.

Or are you a business owner who wants to advertise in this guide? Contact us. There are quarter, half, and full page ads available.

Do you want to be included, but don’t have the budget for an ad? Contact us. We offer complementary listings as well! There’s something for everyone in this one of a kind guide.

Watch for it around town in March 2015

Contact us:Jill Morrison Serena Sjodin Red Bicycle Communications Lloydminster Chamber of Commerce jill@redbicycle.com marketing@lloydminsterchamber.com 306-821-3811 780-875-9013

When my nephew started off to kindergarten, he often brought home his drawings. Each time, my sister (his mother) admired the pictures and hung them on the

refrigerator. But one thing started bothering her. All the pictures were drawn with only black and brown crayons. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she

decided to take him to a Godly counselor.

The godly man delicately went to work, asking my nephew many questions and talking with him extensively. But everything seemed perfectly normal. The meetings

continued for two weeks, yet my nephew continued to bring home art drawn with only black and brown crayons.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem the Godly counselor decided to give my nephew some paper and a box of crayons to be able to observe

what happened.

My nephew promptly opened the box of crayons and exclaimed, “Oh, Boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black

and brown!”

Staff Get TogethersBirthday Parties

Stags & StagettesSchool Activites

Book Your Party Now!!

5744 - 44 St Lloydminster780-875-0110 or 780-872-9677

Sat. Oct. 4th

at 1pmLunch at noon

www.bordercityfurniture.com

Did you hear the story of the two pastors fishing in the stream near the side of the road?

They thoughtfully made a sign that read “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!”

They also made sure every passing car saw the sign

and had ample opportunity to read it.

However, one driver didn’t appreciate their concern.

“Leave us be, you religious fanat-ics!” he shouted at them.

Just then a big splashing noise occurred, and the two pastors looked at each other. Finally one spoke...

“Do you think we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”

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While visiting my sister’s home recently, I walked past my young neice’s room before bedtime and observed her kneeling beside

her bed, with her head bowed and hands folded, repeating the alphabet.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m saying my prayers,” she explained, a sweet smile across her face, “But I couldn’t think of just what I wanted to say. So I’m just

saying all the letters of the alphabet, and God can put them together however he thinks best.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has

something to do with what happened on Sunday night when

she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, “Wake up, wake up!”

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they’re eating the tuna

casserole I made tonight.”

“That’ll teach them!” I replied.

LIFE LESSONS

* Propane/butane tanks that are full when they are packed, will unexplainably empty themselves before you can reach the

campsite.* Given a chance, matches will find a way to get wet.

* Your side of the tent is the side that leaks.* All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when

freeze-dried.* Divide the number of servings by two when reading the

directions for reconstituting anything freeze-dried.* When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water

filter, “hour” should be substituted for “minute” when reading the average quarts filtered per minute.

* The weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly distributed.

Not too long ago I was awakened at 3 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door. After I had slowly come to my senses, I mustered the courage to go answer the door. There on my porch was a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push.

“Not a chance” I said. “It’s three o’clock in the morning!”

Frustrated at the sleep I just lost, I closed the door and returned to bed.

“Who was that?” asked my wife, as I crawled back under the covers.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” I answered.

“Did you help him?” she asked.

“No, I did not. It is three o’clock in the morning and pouring outside.”

“Well, you have a short memory,” my wife said. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

She was right. So I got up, dressed, and went out into the pounding rain.

“Hello, are you still there?” I called out into the dark, almost hoping there would be no reply.

“Yes,” a voice answered.

I sighed. “Do you still need a push?”

“Yes, please!”

“Where are you?” I asked.

“Over here, on the swing!”

1. Which one of following Stooges was not related to the rest?a)Moe b)Curlyc)Shemp d)Larry 2. What kind of an accident did Curly suffer as a teenager?a)He was burned in a fire.b)He shot himself with a gun.c)He almost drown while taking a bath.d)He lost his front teeth in a car wreck.

3. Which stooge was described by Moe as be-ing “an accomplished ballroom dancer, having a beautiful singing voice, and wavy chestnut brown hair, and a waxed mustache”?a)Curly b)Shempc)None of them d)Larry

4. In the mid 1940s, the Stooges packed a New Orleans theater by offering which gimmick?a)An autographed photo of the Stoogesb)A War Bond Rafflec)Buy one ticket, get one for freed)Dinner with the Stooges

5. What was the only feature made with all the Horwitz brothers, Moe, Shemp, and Curly?a)Knutzy Knights b)Blunder Boysc)Fright Nightd)Hold That Lion

6. What was Curly’s actual first name?a)James b)Jeromec)Jasper d)Jason

7. Shemp died after attending which event?a)His son’s graduatonb)Moe’s daugher’s weddingc)A boxing matchd)A car race

8. Which movie did Moe make a solo appear-ance in?a)The Birdsb)Rosemary’s Babyc)Doctor Death, Seeker of Soulsd)Psycho

1. d 2. b, 3. a, 4. a, 5. d, 6. b, 7. c, 8. c

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Follow our Van Tour at: www.summerofswag.ca

TheStudio

780.872.5666

* On 5th October 1974, four years, three months and sixteen days after Dave Kunste set out from Minnesota, he became the first man to walk around the world, having taken more than 20 million steps.* English sailors came to be called Limeys after using lime juice to combat scurvy.* English soldiers were called Tommies because the example name on the soldier forms was Thomas Atkins. (The example name on US forms is John Smith.)* The word “Machiavellian” is named after Niccolo Machiavelli, who was friends with Leonardo da Vinci.* Queen Isabella of Castile, who dispatched Christopher Columbus to find the Americas, boasted that she had only two baths in her life - at her birth and before she got married.* Leonardo da Vinci could write with the one hand and draw with the other simultaneously.* Until he was 18, Woody Allen read virtually nothing but comic books but did show his writing skills. He sold one-liners for ten cents each to gossip columnists.

THE BUZZARD

If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6’ x 8’ and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10-12’. Without

space to run, as is its habit, it will! not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

THE BAT

The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkably nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and painfully until it reaches some slight eleva-

tion from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.

THE BUMBLEBEE

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler! , will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where

none exists, until it completely destroys itself.

PEOPLE

In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, but faith looks up. Live simply, love generously, care deeply and speak kindly. May your troubles be less, your

blessings more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

Council NewsStay connectedwith your City!

780-875-6184

info@lloydminster.ca

Like City ofLloydminster on

Follow @cityoflloydon Twitter

The next regular CityCouncil meeting isTuesday, Nov. 12

1:30 p.m. in CouncilChamber.

Highlights from the Sept. 22, 2014 regular City Council meeting

• The City will install a new server and data storage device at the Operations Centre to ensure the business of the City will be able to continue should an equipment failure occur with the current technology at City Hall. Council awarded the Disaster Recovery Infrastructure contract to Metafore Technologies Inc. in the amount of $126,926. This project will also replicate the data and applications from City Hall to the Operations Centre. Since 2012, the Information Systems team has upgraded server infrastructure and consolidated equipment into one server room at City Hall.

• City Council approved all three readings of Bylaw 32-2014 Trailer Court Fees, an amendment to Bylaw 23-1968, to reflect an increase in the per trailer license fee to $1.50 per day effective January 2015 and to $2 per day effective January 2016. Currently in Lloydminster there are three trailer parks that accommodate 259 trailers collectively. When occupied, the resident is responsible for paying a daily license fee of $1.03 – a fee that was established in 1998 and has not been adjusted until now. The two-part rate increase is more in-line with actual property taxes as all residents have equal access to all the resources and services the City offers.

• The 2015 schedule of City Council meetings was approved by council. All regular scheduled meetings will begin at 1:30 p.m. The Procedure Bylaw that was adopted in 2011 provides for City Council to establish the schedule for the upcoming year’s council meetings on or before October 31 of each year. The bylaw requires at least one scheduled meeting per month and allows for some months to have two scheduled meetings.

• City Council approved the first reading of Bylaw 31-2014 Lloydminster Planning District Official Community Plan. The Official Community Plan updates the Lloydminster Planning District Development Plan, which serves as a growth management tool and collective statement by the following affiliated municipalities: Rural Municipality (RM) of Wilton, RM of Britannia and the City of Lloydminster. The policies of the Official Community Plan address the need for future land use planning in the planning district area as well as other matters related to its physical, social and economic development. Complementary resolutions have been requested from the RM of Wilton and the RM of Britannia. The bylaw will come into force and effect once approved by the Saskatchewan Minister of Government Relations.

• The Parkview Estates Phase 6, Stage 2 Shallow Utilities tender was awarded to T.C. Backhoe & Directional Drilling for a cost of approximately $444,266. The project includes the installation of power, lighting and communications for the 62 residential lots in the Parkview Estates Phase 6, Stage 2 subdivision. Construction is expected to start in October 2014 and is expected to be completed by December 2014.

For city council minutes and agendas, visit lloydminster.ca and click on ‘Government.’

The next regular City Council meeting is Monday, Oct. 27

1:30pm in Council Chamber.

Michelle HamiltonREGISTERED PSYCHOLOGIST

Professional Counselling Services, EMDR

780.808.1593www.beyond-balance.com

michelle@beyond-balance.com

Did you hear about the man who was looking for a job? He noticed there was an opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days. He was to

just sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would be the wiser, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man

decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back of the cage and pretended to sleep. But after a while, he got

tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people watching

him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts. So he jumped around some

more and tried climbing a tree.

That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. The people

loved it and threw more peanuts.

“Wow! This is great,” he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. He continued to swing on the vine,

getting higher and higher and then all of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up and out of the cage,

landing in the lion’s cage that was next door.

He panicked. There was a huge lion not twenty feet away, and it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit

started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling, “Help, help! Get me out of here! I’m not really a gorilla! I’m a man in

a gorilla suit! HELP!”

The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said, “Will you be quiet! You’re going to get both of us fired!”

THE PERKS OF BEING 40 & OVER • Kidnappers are not very interested in you. • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. • No one expects you to run into a burning building. • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. • There is nothing left to learn the hard way. • Things you buy now won’t wear out. • You can eat dinner at 4 PM. • You enjoy hearing arguments about pension plans. • You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it. • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. • You sing along with elevator music. • Your eyes won’t get much worse. • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. • Your joints are a more accurate meteorologist than the national weather service. • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.