the sentinella, costa west edition - january 2010

The Little Mag that fits in your bag...Costa West Edition

January 2010Nº20

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BE SEEN … i n R i v i e r a D e l S o l , C a l a h o n d a , C a b o p i n o , Elvir i a ,Rosario, Marbel la , Puer to Banus, Nueva Andalucia, San Pedro, Guadalmina,B e n av i s t a, Cancelada, E s te p o n a , C a s a res, Sabini l las, La D u q u e s a , M a n i l v a ,To r r e g u a d i a r o , S o t o g r a n d e , P u e b l o N u e v o , L a A l c a i d e s a , J i m e n a d e l aF r o n t e r a , S a n R o q u e & R o n d a .

The Sentinella

Deposito Legal

MA-333-2008

No part of this publication, includingpictures may be copied, used or re-produced without our prior written

consent. The Sentinella accepts noresponsibility for alterations to eventslisted, claims made by our advertis-ers or information provided by our

contributors. So there!

The Sentinella is eternally dedicated to Colin Checkley, the founder and editorof The SentinelMagazine. Mayhe rest in peace.(Born: 1960 Died:2004)

Enjoy...

Ed & Lisa

Due to the current climate, there isan abundance of helpful and veryknowledgeable people wi l l ing toexchange ideas and services inorder to help us all get through thechallenging times together.

So, don´t be scared. Go with yourideas. What do you have to lose? Ifyou don´ t g ive i t a go you wi l la lways wonder “what if”?

And, if it does all go t*ts up, it willsoon be another New Year and youcan put it all down to experience,blame it on the “current climate” ,and move onto something new...

So, GOOD LUCK to us all, may2010 be BIGGER & BETTER t h a never and make sure to include us in

your new ideas......

From the Ed ...Errmm, well, for those of you whoknow me, you may find it hard tobelieve that I am really not surehow to start here...

How do you welcome another year,a new beginning, another stepforward into the future?

Do we talk about all the things wewere unhappy about in 2009?

Do we make all kinds of resolutionsthat we know we have no or verylittle hope of sticking to?

Or, do we simply crack on with it,put our best foot forward andwelcome 2010 with open arms,ready to embrace a l l the newchal lenges and opportunities thatshe may bring?

Option three please!

I normally fill this page talkingabout a l l the great ideas andprojects we, The Sentinella CostaWest Edition, have planned forthe coming months. But for achange let´s talk about you...

How many new and exciting plansand goals do you have for 2010?Have you taken the necessarysteps to put a l l your ideas in toa c t i o n ? H a v e y o u s p o k e n t op e o p l e who can help and adviseyou?

2010 Here We Come ...!

4

A Taste of What’s Inside:

Book review ............................Page 12

ED´s Adventure ......................Page 18

Twin Geeks.............................Page 20

A Helping Hand.......................Page 23

Sosmedicos24h ..................... Page 24

Caption Competition ...............Page 26

From Ronda Today ................Page 32

For The Guys ........................ Page 39

Fame Games Teen Page ...... 1

Kiddies Corner.........................Page 42

Sentinella Yellow Pages..........Page 44

.... and much much more!

See YOUR Business in The

Sentinella, Costa West Edition

in 2010 ... limited availability!

Farewell to A Friend

Contact Us....

Lisa Sadleir .... 608 840 692

Ed Sadleir .... 608 832 770Email:

[email protected]

Follow us on:

www.twitter.com/costawest

Today we mourn the passing of abeloved old friend, CommonSense, who has been with us formany years. No one knows for surehow old he was, s ince his b i r threcords were long ago lost inbureaucrat ic red tape.

He will be remembered as havingcultivated such valuable lessonsas:

- Knowing when to come in out ofthe rain;- Why the early bird gets the worm;- Life isn't always fair;- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple,sound financial policies (don'tspend more than you can earn) andre l iab le s t ra teg ies (adul ts , notchi ldren, are in charge).

His heal th began to deter ioraterapid ly when well-intentioned butoverbearing regulations were set inplace. Reports of a 6-year-old boycharged with sexual harassment fork i s s i n g a c l a s s m a t e ; t e e n ss u s p e n d e d from school for usingmouthwash af ter lunch; and ateacher fired for reprimanding anunruly student, only worsened hiscondition.

Common Sense lost ground whenparents attacked teachers for doingthe job that they themselves hadfai led to do in discip l in ing theirunru ly children. It declined evenfurther when schools were requiredto get parental consent to administersun lot ion or an aspir in to a

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student ; but could not in formpar e n t s when a student becamepregnant and wanted to have anabortion.

Common Sense lost the will to liveas the churches became businesses;and cr iminals received bet tert r e a t m e n t than the i r v ic t ims.Common Sense took a beatingwhen you couldn't defend yourselffrom a burglar in your own homeand the burglar could sue you forassault.

Common Sense finally gave up thewill to live, after a woman failed toreal ise that a s teaming cup ofcoffee was hot. She spilled a littlein her lap , and was prompt lyawarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in

death,by his parents ,Truth andTrust, by his wife, Discretion, byhis daughter, Responsibility, andby his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 step-brothers; I Know My Rights, I WantIt Now, Someone Else Is To Blame,and I'm A Victim

Not many at tended h is funera lbecause so few realised he was

gone.

6

Grrrrrrrrrrr... for The Girls

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Ever thought what you’d like to bein your next life,if there is one?

In this life I'm a woman. In my nextlife, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get toh ibernate. You do nothing butsleep for six months.

I could deal with that.

Before you h ibernate, you ' resupposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birthyour children (who are the size ofwalnuts ) while you are sleeping

and wake to partially grown, cute,cuddly cubs.

I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyoneknows you mean business. Youswat anyone who bothers yourcubs. If your cubs get out of line,you swat them too.

I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS

you to wake up growl ing. He

EXPECTS that you will have hairy

legs and excess body fat.

Yup, I'm gonna be a bear!

Ode to January...

'Twas the month after Christmas,and all through the house Nothingwould fit me, not even a blouse.The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnogI'd tasted At the holiday parties hadgone to my waist.When I got on the scales therearose such a number!When I walked to the store (less awalk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvellous mealsI 'd prepared; The grav ies andsauces and beef nicely rared,The wine and the rum balls, thebread and the cheese. And the wayI 'd never sa id, 'No thank you,please. 'As I dressed myself in my husband'sold shirt And prepared once againto do battle with dirt - I said to myself, as I only can 'Youcan't spend a winter disguised as aman!'So - away with the last of the sourcream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake,every cracker and chipEvery last bit of food that I likemust be banished 'T i l l a l l theaddi t ional ounces have vanished.I won't have a cookie - not even alick.I'l l want only to chew on a longcelery st ick.I won't have hot biscuits, or cornbread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrotand quietly cry.I'm hungry, I 'm lonesome, andl i fe is a bore But isn ' t that whatJanuary is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.Happy New Year to all and to all agood diet!

by Alicia Morris

8

Beep Beep Beep...

The fat woman turned around andglared at the little boy.

The mother gave him a good tellingoff, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large womanreached the front of the queue.

Just then her pager began to emita "beep, beep, beep"

The little boy yelled out, "Run for

your life, she's reversing!!"

A mother took her five-year-old sonwith her to the bank on a busylunchtime.

They got behind a very very fatwoman wearing a business suitcomplete with pager........

Af ter wai t ing pat ient ly for a fewminutes, the little boy said loudly,"Wow, she's fat!

The mother bent down and whisperedin the little boy's ear to be quiet......

A couple more minutes passed byand the little boy stretched his armsout as far as they would go andannounced; "I'll bet her bum is this

wide!"

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Three little ducks go into a Bar...

"Say, what 's your name?" thebartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball.Been in and out of puddles all day.What else could a duck want?" saidHuey.

"That's nice," said the bartender.He turned to the second duck, "Hi,and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer fromduck number two.

"So how's your day been,Dewey ?"he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a balltoo. Been in and out of puddles allday myself. What else could a duckwant?"

The bartender turned to the thirdduck and said, "So, you must beLouie?"

"No," she said, batt ing her eye-

lashes. My name is Puddles."

3 Little Ducks ...

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The European Commission has justannounced an agreement wherebyEnglish will be the official languageof the European Union rather thanGerman, which was the otherpossibi l i ty .

As part of the negot iat ions, theBri t ish Government conceded thatEnglish spelling had some room forimprovement and has accepted a5- year phase-in plan that wouldbecome known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace thesoft "c". Sertainly, this will makethe sivil servants jump with joy. Thehard "c" will be dropped in favour of"k". This should klear up konfusion,and keyboards kan have one lessletter.

T h e r e w i l l b e g r o w i n g p u b l i k

e n t h u s i a s m in the sekond year

when the troublesome "ph" will be

replaced with "f". This will make words

like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse ofthe new spelling kan be expekted

to reach the stage where morekomplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage theremoval of double letters which havealways ben a deterent to akuratespeling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes ofthe s i lent "e" in the languag isdisgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be resept ivto s teps such as rep las ing " th"with "z" and "w" wi th "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kanbe dropd from vords kontaining "ou"and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reilsensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis andevrivun vil find it ezi TU understandech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finalikum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al bespeking German like zey vunted in

ze forst plas.

The New Language of Europe ...

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Other interesting advantages thatLínea Directa can provide to theirclients, include: - Assistance to drivers under theage of 26. This gives free assistancefor those drivers under 26 yearsold, who have consumed alcolhol,

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12

Book Review: Sol Searching... by Keidi Keating

Sol Searching – A Fun-Filled Taleof a Modern Girl’s Move to theCosta de l Sol – te l ls o f Keid iKeat ing ’s quest to make friends,meet the man of her dreams andfind a job (starting this wonderfulmagazine)!

An excerpt from Sol Searchingbelow is printed below:

Taken from the chapter entitledBad Luck

“As my relationship with Dave themounta in c l imber progressed Ilearnt more about what made himtick. I found it hard to fathom hisobsession with the temperature. Herecorded the morning and af ter-noon degrees Celsius every dayonto a graph on his computer.

“Why do you that?” I asked.

“It’s really so that if anyone saysit’s definitely colder now than it wasthis time last year, I can check mygraph and tell them that actuallythey’re wrong.” He went on to saythat last year in Lanjarón thet e m p e r a t u r e was under th i r tydegrees for X amount of days andover thirty degrees for Y number ofdays. The information darted in oneear and out the other.

“I also make a note of the windspeed” he said. After an adequatepause the conversation continued,th is t ime broaching a d i f ferents u b j e c t . “ I ’ve made a mosqui tor e p e l l e n t ” he sa id, a tad tooexci ted .

“Great ! ” I sa id , t ry ing to soundenthusiast ic.

“It’s a secret recipe so I won’t tellyou what’s in it, but it really works.I rubbed it all over me earlier. Amosquito landed on me for just asecond or two then flew away. Ittakes a while to make though. I’vehad it sitting here in the sun for aweek or so.”

‘Why don’t you just go and buysome,’ I thought. ‘Much quicker andmuch less hassle.’

“It sounds really cool” I said. “You’llhave to show me when I see younext.” At the time I didn’t realisethat would mean smothering myentire body in the smelly, greasyconcoction.

“Go on, rub it all over,” he said aswe sat around his swimming pool.“You won’t get bitten, it’s a provenformula. I’ve been testing it allweek.”

By the end of it I felt like I had beenrolling around in an oil-rig and Isure didn’t smell too hot; a crossbetween a mouldy garlic clove anda bottle of vinegar. Dave had someodd traits, but I put them down tohis age. Maybe when I reachedforty-three, I would start recordingthe temperature every morning andinventing strange concoctions too.”

Sol Searching can be purchasedonline via www.Amazon.co.uk or

win a signed copy (see page 26).

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14

A Winter Warmer Recipe....

Estofado - (Beef and Potato Stew )

Estofado or Beef Stew is a great heartymeal to have on a cold winter's day orevening as it will warm you through.

Estofado ingredients:3 tablespoons of olive oil500g stewing beef250g carrots peeled and cut into largechunks1 medium onion chopped3 tomatoes skinned and chopped1 small tin of peas or a handful of freshpeas1 tablespoon of paprika2 cloves of garlic finely chopped1 teaspoon of flour500g of potatoes peeled and cut intolarge chunks1 glass of white wine250ml of beef stock150ml of watersaltfreshly ground black pepper

saffron (optional for colour!)

Preparation:

Heat half the oil in a large, flame-proof cooking pot. Put the meat inthe hot oil and brown.

In a small frying pan heat the restof the oil, add the onion and garlicand fry for about 5 minutes. Addthe flour and the paprika and fry for5 minutes more being careful not toburn this mix.

Add the onion mix to the meat pot,add the white wine, stock andwater and bring to the boil. Cookthis for about an hour and a half. Add the carrots, chopped tomatoesand a little saffron or a teaspoon ofyellow food colouring to the pot andcook for about 25 minutes. Thenadd the potatoes, the peas a littlemore beef stock if necessary andcook for another 20 -25 minutesuntil the potatoes are cooked.

Serve it with some crusty bread.

A British politician was once askedabout his attitude toward whisky.

'If you mean the demon drink thatpoisons the mind, pollutes thebody, desecrates fami ly l i fe ,and in f lames s inners, then I'm

against it.

But if you mean the elixir of a NewYear toast , the sh ie ld againstwinter chill, the taxable potion thatputs needed funds in to publ iccof fers to comfort little crippledchildren, then I'm for it.

This is my position, and I will notcompromise.'

Politically Speaking....

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A po l ice of f icer pu l ls over aspeeding car.

The officer says, ' I clocked you at80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Christ, officer Ihad i t on cru ise contro l a t 60,p e r h a p s your radar gun needscal ibrat ing. '

Not looking up from her knitting thewife says: 'Now don't be silly dear,you know that this car doesn't havecruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket,the driver looks over at his wifeand growls, 'Can't you please keepyour mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely andsays, ! 'You should be thankfulyour radar detector went off when itdid.'

A s t h e o f f i c e r m a k e s o u t t h es e c o n d ticket for the illegal radardetector unit, the man glowers athis wife and says through clenchedteeth, 'F**k it, woman, can't youkeep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, And Inotice that you're not wearing yourseat belt, sir. That's an automatic75 pound fine

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, yousee officer, I had it on, but took itoff when you pulled me over so thatI could get my license out of myback pocket.'

continued...

Nag, Nag, Nag ...

The wife says, 'Now, dear, youknow very well that you didn't haveyour seat belt on. You never wearyour seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writingout the third ticket the driver turnsto his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'TYou shut the f**k up??'

The officer looks over at thewoman and asks, 'Does yourhusband always talk to you thisway, Ma'am?'

I love this part.... :

'Only when he's pi**ed.'

Thomas Frederick "Tommy" Cooper

(19 March 1921 – 15 April 1984)

A woman told her doctor, 'I've got abad back.' The doctor said, 'It's oldage. ' The woman said, ' I want asecond opinion.' The doctor says,'OK. You're ugly as well.'

"You know, somebody actuallycomplimented me on my drivingtoday. They left a little note on thewindscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice."

A man walked into the doctors, Thedoctor said " I haven't seen you ina long time " The man replied "I

know I've been ill"

"So I rang up my local swimmingbaths. I said 'Is that the local swim-ming baths?' He said 'It dependswhere you're calling from.'"

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall inlove - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but theReception was Brilliant.

"So I rang up a local building firm, Isaid 'I want a skip outside myhouse.' He said 'I'm not stoppingyou.'

"So I got home, and the phone wasringing. I picked it up, and said'Who's speaking please?' And avoice said 'You are.'"

Just Like That...

18

Ed´s Adventure...

Watch this space ....We´ve got a Ticket to Ride and

we have some for our readers too...

The Sentinella Costa West Editionhas joined up with Ticket-to-Ride &The Safari Shop.com in Puer toBanus who of fer some great funexcursions and act iv i t ies in theS i e r r a d e L a s N i e v e s a n ds u r r o u n d i n g a r e a s .

Over the next few months we willbe going on 4x4 jeep safaris, quadadventures, canoeing & kayaking,and not forget t ing a fantast ics ightseeing trip on the uniqueelectric powered “Dragon Gondola”on Lake Istan.

For more information about what’son offer check out their website:

www.marbellatop100.com or call

609 517 517 / 633 292 408.

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Too good to be true? Just contact us [email protected] or call608 840 692. LIMITED SPACES!

NEW World Record..

Diversnight 2009.December 3. , 8:09pm local time

The official number of divers in thewater was: 2749Number of divesites was: 218

Countries participating: 20

“We want to say a big thanks to allpeople who made it possible thatthe World Record of Divers havinga night dive at the same time in thewater was bettered this year with atotal number of 2479 divers, 218dive sites and 20 countries” .

More info at:

www.diversnight.com

Our local night dive in Estepona at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYD

NqqSsJCg

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Tips from Twin Geeks...

Minvova to End Illegal TorrentsMininova are one of the largest BitTorrent indexing sites. For those that don’t know, BitTorrent is a peer to peer protocol that allows people to share data

Mininova have fallen in line with all other major BitTorrent websites by removing all copyright protected material.Also on this note, lawyers in the UK are apparently targeting people that are sharing games and movies on-line. Around 15,000 people will be receiving

hundreds of pounds”.

it’s going to get harder and harder to do so. However, Which? magazine are claiming that the technology that is being used to target people’s IP address is unreliable, and that many people are being targeted who have never

cases before any Spanish ISP decides to go down the same route.

This month’s website is

and the address is

It’s a gallery of photos of people’s weird and wonderful solutions to DIY jobs – usually hilarious and often dangerous!

There are hundreds of items on the site, but, as far as I can see, there is no index, so you just have to browse.But underneath each item there are several keywords. Click on one of these to see pictures of related subjects.

TOPIC OF THE MONTH: Pirates!

NEWS: TAIWANESE HUNK LURES 20 WOMEN INTO BEDA 55 year old man in Taiwan has been caught for allegedly posing

and convincing women that his 55 year old father was suffering from prostate cancer which is a condition that needed constant sex to stay alive!

The obliging women applied the life-saving treatment in various Taipei hotels, until one of the women hired a private investigator, who in turn, revealed that pop and son were actually the same person!

WEBSITE OF THE MONTH

Visit www.twingeeks.fm to join in or make any suggestions for your favourite website or anything else!The Twin Geeks run a web design business called red-enet. Feel free to visit our website at www.red-enet.com

www.red-enet.com

OPT

H:T MONEHTC OF IOP irates!P

irates!

Minvova to End Illegal TMininova are one of the largest BitT

orrent is a peer to peer protocol that allows people to share data , BitT, BitTorrent is a peer to peer protocol that allows people to share data know

Mininova have fallen in line with all other major BitTremoving all copyright protected material.Also on this note, lawyers in the UK are apparently targeting people that are sharing games and movies on-line.


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orrentsMinvova to End Illegal Torrent indexing sites. For those that don’t Mininova are one of the largest BitTMininova are one of the largest BitTorrent indexing sites. For those that don’t

orrent is a peer to peer protocol that allows people to share data

orrent websites by Mininova have fallen in line with all other major BitTMininova have fallen in line with all other major BitTorrent websites by removing all copyright protected material.Also on this note, lawyers in the UK are apparently targeting people that are

Around 15,000 people will be receiving sharing games and movies on-line.

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orrent indexing sites. For those that don’t orrent is a peer to peer protocol that allows people to share data

orrent websites by

Also on this note, lawyers in the UK are apparently targeting people that are Around 15,000 people will be receiving

irates!


it’s going to get harder and harder to do so. Howeverclaiming that the technology that is being used to target people’s IPis unreliable, and that many people are being targeted who have never

cases before any Spanish ISP

ANWIAWS: TWS: TANEaiwan has TTaiwan has 55 year old man in A

been caught for allegedly posing

it’s going to get harder and harder to do so. Howeverclaiming that the technology that is being used to target people’s IPis unreliable, and that many people are being targeted who have never

decides to go down the same route.cases before any Spanish ISP

OWS 20 EUNK LURHESEANaiwan has

been caught for allegedly posing The obliging women applied the life-saving treatment in various hotels, until one of the women hired

, Which? magazine are it’s going to get harder and harder to do so. However address claiming that the technology that is being used to target people’s IP

is unreliable, and that many people are being targeted who have never

decides to go down the same route.

DEO BTNIN MEOThe obliging women applied the life-

aipei TTaipei saving treatment in various hotels, until one of the women hired

This month’s website is

and the address is

and convincing women that his 55 fering from year old father was suf

prostate cancer which is a condition that needed constant sex to stay alive!

WEB

There are hundreds of items on the site, but, as far as I can see, there is no index, so you just have to browse.

and convincing women that his 55 fering from

prostate cancer which is a condition that needed constant sex to stay

hotels, until one of the women hired a private investigatorrevealed that pop and son were actually the same person!

HT MONEHT OF ITESWEB

There are hundreds of items on the site, but, as far as I can see, there is no index, so you just have to

hotels, until one of the women hired , who in turn, a private investigator

revealed that pop and son were actually the same person!

It’s a gallery of photos of people’s weird and wonderful solutions to

jobs – usually hilarious and DIYoften dangerous!

.twingeeks.fm to join in or make any suggestions for your favourite website or anything else!isit wwwVwin Geeks run a web design business called red-enet. Feel free to visit our website at wwwTThe

It’s a gallery of photos of people’s weird and wonderful solutions to

jobs – usually hilarious and

But underneath each item there are several keywords. Click on one of these to see pictures of related subjects.

.twingeeks.fm to join in or make any suggestions for your favourite website or anything else!win Geeks run a web design business called red-enet. Feel free to visit our website at www

.red-enet.comwww

But underneath each item there are several keywords. Click on one of these to see pictures of related

.twingeeks.fm to join in or make any suggestions for your favourite website or anything else!.red-enet.comwin Geeks run a web design business called red-enet. Feel free to visit our website at www

.red-enet.com20 To BE SEEN in The Sentinella call 608 840 692

Naughty ...

Prices start at !20 unframed and !40

framed. email [email protected] or call into

his studio next door to galeria 151

(see their ad in this magazine).

Next issue will feature another watercolour by Mick Elliot

Artist Mick Elliot's

original Watercolours make

perfect presents.

ck Elli MistitrA

lcore Watalnigiro

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[email protected]

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Did you hear about the look-a-likecompetition in China? Everybody won.

*What 's the ideal weight for amother- in- law?About 2.3 pounds including the urn.

*Was so depressed last night that Irang the Samaritans.Got throughto a cal l centre in Pakistan.Toldthem I was suic idal , they got al lexc i ted and asked if I could fly aplane......

*A man is in a queue at Tesco andsees this busty blonde staring athim, he can't believe she is staringat him, then she starts waving.

'Excuse me do I know you?' heasks.'Yes I think you are the father ofone of my kids' she says.

The man thinks back and remembershis one act of infidelity and says'Are you the bird I sha**ed on mystag night'

'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English

teacher!'

22

There was a hound dog laying inthe yard and an o ld geezer inoveral ls was sitting on the porch.

''Excuse me, sir, but does your dogbite?'' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over hisnewspaper and replied, ''Nope.''

As soon as the tourist stepped outof his car, the dog began snarlingand growling, and then attackedboth h is arms and legs. As thetour is t flailed around in the dust,he yelled, ''I thought you said yourdog didn't bite!''

The old man muttered, ''Ain't my

dog.''

Woof Woof ...

A Helping Hand...

We start the new decade, ADANA'sthird, with a blessing of animals in"Egg Square" in Estepona onSaturday 16 January at 13.00. Alltypes of animal are welcome.

On the second Monday of everymonth we have a lunch in the StrawDonkey in Puerto de la Duquesaand on the last Friday of the monthwe hold a coffee morning in PlazaMani lva in Estepona (outs ideLongman's bookshop).

Throughout the year there is aprogramme of varied events whichalways prove to be entertaining aswell as raising funds for the animals.Details of all ADANA's work andevents can be found on the website www.adana.es or call952797405 for information.

ADANA puts animals first

For over 20 years ADANA has beenrescuing and rehoming abandonedanimals from Estepona, Manilvaand Casares. In that time the numbersof animals has increased dramaticallyand the t rend shows no s ign ofrevers ing. There are usuallyaround 130 dogs in the kennelswhich are designed to hold 80. TheNew Year brings an increase whenChristmas puppies and kittens losethei r novel ty va lue and areof ten, l i tera l ly , put out with therubbish.

ADANA relies entirely on publicsubscription and donations to keepgoing. Every month we need tor a i s e u p t o 1 0 . 0 0 0 € w i t h n og o v e r n m e n t support. Thanks to asmall group of dedicated volunteersand the generosity of the public wekeep going because failure to do so

is simply not an option.

On Saturday 17January a largecrowd of animalsmet with their owners in Egg Square in Esteponato receive a blessing from parish priest, PadrePedro and Anglican priest, Father MauriceHorse.

26

What are they saying ???...

Send in your capt ions for our or ig inal cartoon by local art ist MicK

(mickel l io [email protected]) and win a s igned copy of the popular book

SOL SEARCHING by local author, Keidi Keating ...

Send your Captions to ... [email protected].

Last Month´s Winner

“Listen Norman, if you are taking thisseriously you really need to bulk up”

CONGRATULATIONS to last month´s winner:

Jason from Malaga, Centro Historico who sent in his winning caption via www.twitter.com/costawest ...

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28

New Year Sillies....

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stoodup in the local pub and said that itwas time to get ready. At the strokeof midnight , she wanted everyhusband to be standing next to theone person who made his life worthliving.Well, it was kind of embarrassing.As the clock struck, the bartenderwas almost crushed to death.

Peter, at a New Year's party, turnsto his friend, Ken, and asks for acigarette.'I thought you made a New Year'sresolution to quit smoking,' Kenresponds. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' repliesPeter with a grin. 'Right now, I amin the middle of phase one.' 'Phase one?' wonders Ken.

'Yeah,' laughs Peter, 'I've quit buying.'

New Year Prayer for the Elderly...

God, grant me the senility to forgetthe people I never liked anyway.The good fortune to run into theones that I do.And the eyesight to tell the difference.

New Year's Day Prayer for Alll...

Dear LordSo far this year I've done well.I haven't gossiped, I haven't lostmy temper, I haven't been greedy,grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overin-dulgent. I'm very thankful for that.But in a few minutes, Lord, I'mgoing to get out of bed, and fromthen on I'm probably going to needa lot more help. Amen

A Fishing Tale ...

Ole & Sven were fishing one daywhen Sven pul led out a c igar .F ind ing he had no matches, heasked Ole for a light."Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," hereplied. Then, reaching into his tackle box, hepulled out a Bic lighter 10 incheslong. "Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven,tak ing the huge Bic lighter in hishands. "Vere d i t yew g i t datmonster??" "Vell," replied Ole, "I got it from myGenie." "You haff a Genie?" Sven asked. "Ya, shure. It's right here in my tacklebox," says Ole. "Could I see him?"

Ole opens his tackle box & sureenough, out pops the Genie. Addressing the genie, Sven says,"Hey dere! I'm a good friend of yourmaster. Vill you grant me vun vish?" "Yes, I will," says the Genie . So Sven asks the Genie for a millionbucks.

The Genie disappears back into thetackle box leaving Sven sitting there,waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens & is filledwith the sound of a million ducksflying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducksSven yells at Ole. "Yumpin' YimminyI asked for a mi l l ion bucks, not ami l l ion ducks!"

Ole answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yewdat da Genie is hart of hearing. Doyew really tink I asked for a 10-inchBic?"

30

Meet Little RALPHY....

RALPHY ON MATHS

A teacher asks her class, 'If thereare 5 birds sitting on a fence andyou shoot one of them, how manywill be left?' She calls on little RALPHY.He replies, 'None, they will all flyaway with the first gunshot.' The teacher replies, 'The correctanswer is 4, but I like your thinking..' Then little RALPHY says, 'I have aquestion for you. There are 3 women sitting on abench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sidesof the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down thetop and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of theice cream. Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal,replied, 'Well, I suppose the onethat's gobbled down the top andsucked the cone.' To which Little RALPHY replied,'The correct answer is 'the one withthe wedding ring on,' but I like yourthinking.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS (Part 2)

Little RALPHY returns from schooland says he got an F in arithmetic. 'Why?' asks the father? 'The teacher asked 'How much is2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY. 'But that's right!' says his dad. 'Yeah, but then she asked me 'Howmuch is 3x2?'' 'What's the f...... difference?' asksthe father.

'That's what I said!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, andthe teacher says, 'Today we aregoing to learn multi-syllable words,class. Does anybody have anexample of a multi-syllable word?' RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate..' Miss Rogers smiles and says,'Wow, little RALPHY, that's amouthful.' L i t t le RALPHY says, 'No, MissRogers, you're thinking of a blow-job.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR.

One day, during lessons on propergrammar, the teacher asked for ashow of hands from those whocould use the word 'beautiful' in thesame sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie,who responded with, 'My fatherbought my mother a beautiful dressand she looked beautiful in it.' 'Very good, Suzie, ' rep l ied thet e a c h e r . S h e t h e n c a l l e d o nl i t t l e M i c h a e l . 'My mummy planned a beautifulbanquet and it turned out beautifully..' She said, 'Excellent, Michael!'Then the teacher reluctantly calledon little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, mysister told my father that she waspregnant, and he said 'Beautiful,

just f...... beautiful!''

itZabaritZabarFull Breakfast Menu

Lunch & SnacksFull Evening Menu

Great Food ,

Near Mercadona, Sabinillas.

We recommend...Tapas 3 for €5.00

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32

So, if you’ve a story you´d like to sharewith other readers, plesase take thetime to send us a quick email.

Visual Art World

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Live Entertainment at Passion Café

The art ists Syl & Ric wi l l be performing their Art Showsat Passion Café in San Pedro (centro comercial 'La Colonia')on the 30 and 31st of January.

The show consists of stunning Audio-Visual presentationswith Live Music, about the art of painting across the ages, fo-llowed by an explorat ion of the art of upside-down pain-t ings or reversible images, illustrated by some of the mostconsummate artworks of Arcimboldo and Salvador Dali, toname just a few.

FREE EntranceFor more info www.VisualArtWorld.com - tel: 628 342 317

34

Mother to Daughter Advice ...!?

-Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch haseverything.

-Take life with a pinch of salt... Awedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

-Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on itand so far I've lost 15 days).

- When life gets you down - just puton your big girl panties and dealwith it.

- Let your greatest fear be thatthere is no PMS and this is justyour personality.

- Don't get your knickers in a knot;it solves nothing and makes youwalk funny.

- Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

- Remember where ever there is agood look ing; sweet , s ing le ormarr ied man there is some womantired of his bullshit!

- If the shoe fits - buy them in everycolor.

- Keep your chin up, only the first40 years of parenthood are thehardest.

- If it has Tyres or Testicles it'sgonna give you trouble

- By the time a woman realizes hermother was r ight , she has a

daughter who thinks she's wrong.

A Word of Warning ...

Apex Chimney Services S.C.

Professional Chimney Sweeping, Fault Detection, Nest Removal, Smoke Testing.

Qualified, Reliable and Fully Insured.

Tel: 696 320 202

Email [email protected]

Chirine Ayoubi JewelleryBESPOKE J EWEL L ER

Tel: 952 897 266

Las Galerias, Local 9 & 10, Puerto de la Duquesa

RepairsWedding Rings

Engagement RingsEar Piercing

RemodellingStone replacement

email: [email protected]

Our f r iends at Apex ChimneyServices have advised us that, inthe first two weeks of Decembera lone, they were ca l led to twop r o p e r t i e s af ter they had beenunfortunate enough to have had achimney fire.

The Bomberos had to be calledand, luckily for the inhabitabts, theresult was only significant structuraldamage to the properties.

Chimney f i res may s tar t s impybecause a chimney has not beenswept, or has not been properlyswept.

If you are using your chimney andit hasn't been swept recently be

very careful.

I n l i n e w i t h t h e N a t i o n a lA s s o c i a t i o n of Chimney Sweepsin the UK, i t is adv ised that achimney that is burning woodshould be swept at least once ayear, twice if in continuous use.

If you are renting a property, askyour landlord when it was lastswept and ask to see the certificate.

Don't wait until you have a fire.

For further advice contact:

Apex C h i m n ey S e r v i c e s S . CTe l 6 9 6 3 2 0 2 0 2 .

Keep warm but also keep safe!

CheersCheers

Neale !

Neale !

Cocktail of the Month...

By Neale. Cheers Bar

Cocktail Lounge in

Duquesa Port.

Background:Created by Fernand Petiot in 1921at Harry’s New York Bar in Paris,the Bloody Mary is a spiced up versionof a vodka and tomato juice, and isa great hangover cure. Variationsof a Bloody Mary include BloodyCaesar (with clam juice), Bloody Joseph(with Scotch whisky), Bloody Maria(with tequila) & Bloody Maru (withsake).

Recipe:In a cocktail shaker place:2 cubes of ice100ml Vodka200ml Tomato Juice2 tbspn freshly squeezed lemon juice8 drops Tabasco sauce4 dashes Worcestershire Sauce½ tspn horseradish sauce25ml Tawny port2 pinches celery salt

2 pinches black pepper

Shake the ingredients to mix andchill the content.

Strain into a large tumbler filled with

ice, and garnish with a celery stick.

Enjoy ...

A hangover Cure

... BLOODY MARY

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38

For The Guys...

To BE SEEN in The Sentinella call 608 840 692

A little girl walks into her parents'bedroom. " My God" she screams "And YOUwant ME to see a doctor aboutsucking my thumb.. . ! !

***Wee Irish boy crying by the side ofthe road. A man asks "What'swrong?" Boy says "Me Ma is dead" "Oh bejaysus" the man says "Doy o u w a n t m e t o g e t F a t h e rO ' R i l e y ? " Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister,sex is the last ting on me moindroight now."

***Just had a ca l l f rom a char i tyask i n g me to donate some ofmy clothes to the starving peopleof the world. Told them to " P**sOf f " . Anyone who f i ts in to myclothes isn' t starving!! !

***Japanese sc ient is ts have nowcreated a digital camera with sucha fast speed that it's now possibleto take a photograph of a womanwith her gob shut.

***Paddy is c leaning h is r i f le andacc identa l ly shoots his wife. Hedials 999.

Paddy says " I t 's my wi fe , I 'veacc identa l ly shot her. I've killedher"

Operator "Please calm down sir.Can you first make sure she reallyis dead?"

CLICK, BANG!

Paddy "OK, done that, what next?

Makes Sense….?

Paddy has broken his leg and hisbuddy Mick comes over to see him.Mick says 'how you doin?'

Paddy says ' okay but do us afavour mate, run upstairs and getme slippers, me feet are freezing.'

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy'sgorgeous 19-year-o ld twindaughters sitting on their beds.

He says 'your dad's sent me uphere to have s*x with both of you'.They say 'get away with ya. Prove it.'

Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy,both of em?'

Paddy shouts back 'Of course bothof em, what's the point of f****none?'

*** Man lost in a hot ai r bal lon overIreland. He looks down and sees afarmer and shouts to him, "Wheream I?"

The Irish farmer looks up andshouts back "You can ' t k id meya b ' stard, you're in that feckinbasket!"

***I hate all this terrorist business. Iused to love the days when youcould look at an unattended bag onthe train or bus and think " I'mbl**dy having that!"

40

Name That Song... A to Z

The rules are simple...

the artisit (ie. either the

group’s name or singer’s

surname will begin with

the chosen letter.

Here are the answers to last month’sChristmas Songs:

“In the meadow we can build a snowman,

then pretend that he is Parson

Brown”

A Winter Wonderland

***

“(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up

and sent it

With a note saying “I love you”, I

meant it”

Wham , Last Chrisrtmas

***“Does your granny always tell you

that the old songs are the best.

Then she´s up rock n rollin´with the

rest ”

Slade, Merry Christmas Everybody

“ W a i t s a t t h e w i n d o w ,w e a r i n g t h e f a c e t h a t s h ek e e p s i n a j a r b y t h e d o o r ,

W h o i s i t f o r ? ”

***

“The telex machine is keptso clean,

As i t types to a wai t ingworld”

***

“Commencing countdown,engines on,

Check igni t ion and may

God´s love be with you”

***

Remember the Answers will be

published next month.

This month...

The Letter “B”

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To BE SEEN in The Sentinella call 608 840 692

Kiddies Corner...

This Month’s Silly Jokes ..... from Rafe & Zack from England

Send us your Silly Jokes and Riddles to

[email protected]

Don’t forget to include your Name and Age!42

BARRACUDA

BASS

BREAM

GOLDFISH

GROUPER

HAKE

HALIBUT

HERRING

MARLIN

MULLETT

PERCH

PIRANHA

SALMON

SARDINE

SHARK

TROUT

TUNA

Let´s Go Fishing ... how many kinds of fish

can YOU find?

Q: Why is Cinderella no good at football?A: ‘Cos her coach is a pumpkin!

Q. Why is Cinderella no good at playinggoalkeeper?A. ‘Cos she keeps running away from theball!

Let’s Make It...

You will need:

A used snack tub (ie.Pringles), orbiscuit/cookie tinPaintPVA glueDecorations (glitter, ribbons, etc)

To Make It:

Rinse out your tub / tin . When it isdry, paint it. Tip: Mix a small amount of glue intothe paint to help preserve it.When the paint is dry, paint it witha layer of PVA glue. Stick on yourdecorations. Now you can either fill your timecapsule with precious momentosfrom now (photos etc) or you cankeep it open and add to it throughout the year (tickets, certificatesetc) before putting it away safely to

be opened in the future.

A Time Capsule

This is a super family project ! Getthe kids to make a "time capsule"f o r t h e y e a r a h e a d , a n d f i l l i t ,t o g e t h e r , as the year goes on -with photos, ticket stubs, copies ofcertificates won, birthday cards,writing samples, and anything elseYou wi l l have a memory- f i l ledcontainer for each year which youwill all treasure in the future.

Is it your Birthday next month? any new borns in your

family? send us details & photos & we´ll PRINT your best

wishes for free!

Are you a Family FriendlyCompany ?

Advertise YOUR

Business HERE

from only 25€ per month

Contact: 608 840 [email protected]

44

The Sentinella Yellow Pages....

pageHealth & BeautyHair Magic 9Hypno Band 7Hypnotherapy 9Nutri Cleanse 17Permanent Makeup 19

Fashion, Gifts & JewelleryChirine Ayoubi 35Frock Exchange 7

Animals & PetsLady Dog Carer has NO VACANCIESPet Taxi 22

Art, Crafts & PhotographyGaleria 151 8Mick Elliot 21Visual Art World 33

Law, Finance & InsuranceIbex 13Linea Directa 47

Transport & RemovalsFormula Freight 38One Way Van Hire 17Simon Gee 15

Sports& ActivitiesActive Scuba Divers 33Medsports 29

Furniture & Design

Big Blue Box 33The Kitchen Room 48

pageService & RepairsAdvasol 26Apex Chimney Services 35Drain & Leak 28Mosquito Screen Co. 34South Coast Domestics 15

Doctors & DentistsSOS Medicos 24H 2,24, 25

Business ServicesCostaworkwear 19Red-enet 31Sentinella Business Services 36Secretarial Solutions 40The Office 16

TV & SatelliteOrbit SL 15PK Satellite 16Reece Electronics 10Sky Shop Spain 31

Bars & RestaurantsCheers Bar 37ItZabar 31The Irish Fiddler 6

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A Few Last Thoughts...

A lecturer when explaining stressmanagement to an audience,Raised a glass of water and asked'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, 'The absoluteweight doesn't matter. It dependson how long you try to hold it. If Ihold it for a minute, that's not aproblem. If I hold it for an hour, I'llhave an ache in my right arm. If Ihold it for a day, you'll have to callan ambulance. In each case, it'sthe same weight, but the longer Ihold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued, 'And that's the way itis with stress management. If wecarry our burdens a l l the t ime,s o o n e r or la ter , As the burdenbecomes increasingly heavy, Wewon't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, Youhave to put it down for a while andrest before holding it again. Whenwe're refreshed, we can carry onwith the burden.' 'So, before you return home tonight,

put the burden of work down. Don'tcarry i t home. You can pick i t uptomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carryingnow, Let them down for a momentif you can.' So, my friend, Put down anythingthat may be a burden to you rightnow.Don't pick it up again untilafter you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways ofdeal ing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're thepigeon, some days you're the statue. * Always keep your words soft andsweet, Just in case you have to eatthem. * Always wear stuff that will makeyou look good, I f you die in themiddle of i t . * Drive carefully. It's not only carsthat can be "Recalled" by theirmaker. * If you can't be kind, at least havethe decency to be vague. * If you lend someone €20 andnever see that person again, It wasprobably worth it. * Never put both feet in your mouthat the same time, Because thenyou won't have a leg to stand on. * Nobody cares if you can't dancewell. Just get up and dance. * Since it's the early worm that getseaten by the bird, sleep late. * The second mouse gets the cheese. * When everything's coming yourway, You're in the wrong lane. * Birthdays are good for you. Themore you have, the longer you live. * You may be only one person inthe world, But you may also be theworld to one person. * Some mistakes are too much

fun to only make once. * We could learn a lot from crayons...Some are sharp, some are prettyand some are dull. Some haveweird names, and all are differentcolors, but they all have to live inthe same box. * A truly happy person is one whocan enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and knowthat someone has thought aboutyou today ...... I did!

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the sentinella, costa west edition - january 2010

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