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Just Dare! Assertiveness

by

Frederik Imbo

What ?

Assertiveness …

When ?

How ?

ExpertAcademyIBBT 31/03/2010

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ME - YOU

passive

ME - YOU

aggressive

ME - YOU

manipulative

ME - YOU ME - YOU

assertive

F E A R

antasy

xperienced

s eality

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FEEL + / -

DO + / -

THINK + / -

if you always do what you always did

you will always get what you always got

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Communication techniques

Communication techniques   Building Rapport

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Communication techniques   Building Rapport   The diving board technique

Communication techniques   Building Rapport   The diving board technique   The U-turn technique

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Communication techniques   Building Rapport   The diving board technique   The U-turn technique

Communication techniques   Building Rapport   The diving board technique   The U-turn technique   The sandwich technique

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Communication techniques   Building Rapport   The diving board technique   The U-turn technique   The sandwich technique

Communication techniques   Building Rapport   The diving board technique   The U-turn technique   The sandwich technique   The broken record technique

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Communication techniques   Building Rapport   The diving board technique   The U-turn technique   The sandwich technique   The broken record technique   The Model of Non-violent Communication:

  Observations   Feelings   Needs   Requests

Observations

When I see, I hear,

I notice…

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Observations

When I see, I hear,

I notice…

Observations

Feelings

then I feel …

When I see, I hear,

I notice…

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Grateful Proud Appreciative Moved Appreciation

Affectionate Warm Loving Compassionate Tender / open hearted

Confident At ease/ safe Secure / calm Determined Empowered / strong

Joyful Glad / amused Happy Delighted Energetic / jubilant

Peaceful Satisfied Content Relieved Serene/tranquil/still

Afraid Worried / concerned Panicked Terrified / petrified Suspicious

Angry Mad / frustrated Displeased Resentful Enraged / Furious

Annoyed Agitated / irritated Disappointed Uncomfortable Displeased

Tense Stressed out Nervous Restless Anxious

Yearning Nostalgic Envious Jealous Longing

Feeling when your needs are satisfied:

Feeling when your needs are NOT satisfied:

Engaged Curious Connected Fascinated / enchanted Involved / alert

Hopeful Expectant Longing Careless Brave

Pleased Pleasant / content Thrilled / overjoyed Awake Unconcerned

Exhilarated Ecstatic Eager Adventurous Lively / playful

Fulfilled Grateful / contented Touched Moved Passionate

Vulnerable Insecure / fragile Shaky Helpless / unable Terrible

Disconnected Bored / indifferent Apathetic / numb Uninterested Distant / detached

Embarrassed Guilty Desperate Confused Ashamed /

Disquiet Impatient Surprised Shocked Upset

Pain Hurt / miserable Grief / lonely Regretful Broken / heartbroken

Sad Melancholy Discouraged Depressed / Gloomy Heavy hearted

Aversion Hostile / disgusted Repulsed Contempt Envious / hate

Unhappy Terrible Unfortunate Hopeless / despair Beat

Fatigue Depleted / mortified Tired / sleepy Exhausted Worn out / burnt out

Confused Perplexed Baffled Hesitant Lost/ puzzled

Observations

Feelings

then I feel …

When I see, I hear,

I notice…

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Observations

Feelings

Needs

then I feel …

When I see, I hear,

I notice…

because I need…

Spirituality Beauty Harmony Inspiration Contact Order Unity

Honesty Authenticity Self-expression Self-confidence Integrity Presence

Celebration and joy Celebration of life Celebration of fulfilling dreams Creativity / pleasure / humor Mourning

Physical well-being Air/ light Food / water Clothing / warmth Shelter/ cover/ nurturing / care Touch / tenderness / closeness Protection / safety / security Rest / sleep Sex / intimacy Use own force Meaning

Hope / purpose To matter / belonging Awareness Understanding Challenge Competence Contribution Change Efficacy Growth/ learning

Mutual association Acceptance Appreciation/ acknowledgement Communication/ sharing Consideration / mutuality Support / encouragement / comfort Emotional security / reassurance Be understood / sympathy Love / Affection / closeness Cooperation / solidarity

Peace Empathy Compassion Equality / clarity Connection / togetherness Emotional security Order /rest / stability To understand and be understood To see and be seen Inspiration Trust

Autonomy Respect / self-respect Choice / preference Freedom / Independence Space Spontaneity

…

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Observations

Feelings

Needs

then I feel …

When I see, I hear,

I notice…

because I need…

so my

request is …

Observations

Feelings

Needs

Requests

then I feel …

When I see, I hear,

I notice…

because I need…

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∞ME YOU

feelings feelings observations observations

needs needs requests requests

Self-evaluation

Reflect on the result of your communication:

  What is the reason for achieving or not archieving my purpose?

  Where did my communication go wrong?

  What am I going to pay attention to next time?

  To what extent did I achieve the purpose of my communication?

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GOOD

LUCK !!!

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