founder leadership workshop
TRANSCRIPT
Founder Communication
InnerSpaceSemira Rahemtulla & Joe Greenstein
Jan 24, 2017
Why are we doing this? (Part 1)
Why are we doing this? (Part 2)
One Big Idea
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Self-Disclosure
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the
relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in my ‘bubble’
should I share?”
Self-Disclosure
“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN
Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.”--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
If You Really Knew Me…
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation2. Collaboration3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to feel defensive”
Inward (my emotions)
Outward(others’ emotions)
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to begetting agitated”
• Take a deep breath• “Could you give me a sec?”• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ
Feedback & Influence
Photo: Robbie Grubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
So… how do we communicate feedback to while minimizing defensiveness?
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• “When you do [x]…”Focus on specific, observable behavior
• "I feel [y]…”Describe the impact of that behavior on you
(disclosure)
• “Can you tell me what’s going on for you?”Ask about the other person’s intentions and
perspective
Stay on your side of the net!
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Semira, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about whether I am moving too slow with this section. What’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
Step 1: Open with mutual goals and positive intent. What do you really want for this relationship? What is your intention in giving this feedback?
Step 2: Stay on your side of the neta. Stick to observable behavior (“When you did [x]…”)b. Share your reaction (“I felt [y], and my story is [z]”)
c. Ask for their perspective (“What was going on for you?”)
Step 3: Enter joint problem-solving. Decide together how to make things better. Design some experiments.
#1 Factor for Happiness on the Job: Feeling appreciated-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityFostering a culture of appreciation
1. Create a space for it
2. Lead by example
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
• Manage your own defensiveness– Notice it– Name it: “Affect Labeling”
• Goal is understanding, not winning– “Can you tell me more about that?"– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus areaCommunication & Management
– Too much/little– Choice of format– Email etiquette– Language choices,
communication style with others– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from this
person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress
Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)– And set expectations of others to do the same
Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net ☺