founder leadership workshop
TRANSCRIPT
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Founder Communication
InnerSpaceSemira Rahemtulla & Joe Greenstein
Aug 19, 2016
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Why are we doing this? (Part 1)
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Why are we doing this? (Part 2)
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One Big Idea
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INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
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Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??
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Self-Disclosure
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the
relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in my ‘bubble’
should I share?”
Self-Disclosure
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“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN
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Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.”--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders
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Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation2. Collaboration3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
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Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to feel defensive”
Inward (my emotions)
Outward(others’ emotions)
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to begetting agitated”
• Take a deep breath• “Could you give me a sec?”• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)
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High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ
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Feedback & Influence
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Photo: Robbie Grubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
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Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
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So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
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INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Shared
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• “When you do [x]…”Focus on specific, observable behavior
• "I feel [y]…”Describe the impact of that behavior on you
(disclosure)
• “Can you tell me what’s going on for you?”Ask about the other person’s intentions and
perspective
Stay on your side of the net!
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about what message that might send to others in the room.
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
Step 1: Open with mutual goals and positive intent. What do you really want for this relationship? What is your intention in giving this feedback?
Step 2: Stay on your side of the net(a) Stick to observable behavior (“When you did [x]…”)(b) Share your reaction (“…I felt [y], and my story is [z]”)
(c) Ask for their perspective (“What was going on for you?”)
Step 3: Enter joint problem-solving. Decide together how to make things better. Design some experiments.
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Radical Candor
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#1 Factor for Happiness on the Job: Feeling appreciated-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityFostering a culture of appreciation
1. Create a space for it
2. Lead by example
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
• Manage your own defensiveness– Notice it– Name it: “Affect Labeling”
• Goal is understanding, not winning– “Can you tell me more about that?"– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
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Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus areaCommunication & Management
– Too much/little– Choice of format– Email etiquette– Language choices,
communication style with others– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from this
person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress
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Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)– And set expectations of others to do the same
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Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net ☺