Assertiveness:Small Group Program

is the ability to formulate and communicate one's own thoughts, opinions and wishes in a clear, direct and non-aggressive way

ASSERTIVENESS:

MAKING THE CHANGEDo I want to change my behavior?

Do I believe in myself, as well as others?

Am I willing to set reasonable goals and take

reasonable risks?

Am I open to new ideas?

Can I accept the facts that things may not change

overnight and not everything will always go my way?

Am I willing to make the effort, practice, and have

patience while building my new skills?

Assertive Behavior includes:

Starting, changing, or ending conversations

Sharing feelings, opinions, and experiences with others

Making requests and asking for favors

Refusing others' requests if they are too demanding

Questioning rules or traditions that don't make sense or don't seem fair

Addressing problems or things that bother you

Being firm so that your rights are respected

Expressing positive emotions

Expressing negative emotions

Assertive versus Unassertive versus Aggressive

Assertive people state their opinions, while still being respectful of others.

Aggressive people attack or ignore others' opinions in favor of their own.

Passive people don't state their opinions at all.

Passive Behavior Aggressive Behavior Assertive Behavior

1. Is afraid to speak up Interrupts and 'talks over' others

Speaks openly

2. Speaks softly Speaks loudly Uses a conversational tone

3. Avoids looking at people Glares and stares at others Makes good eye contact

4. Shows little or no expression

Intimidates others with expressions

Shows expressions that match the message

5. Slouches and withdraws Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space

Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions

6. Isolates self from groups Controls groups Participates in groups

Passive Behavior Aggressive Behavior Assertive Behavior

7. Agrees with others, despite feelings

Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others

Speaks to the point

8. Values self less than others Values self more than others Values self equal to others

9. Hurts self to avoid hurting others

Hurts others to avoid being hurt

Tries to hurt no one (including self)

10. Does not reach goals and may not know goals

Reaches goals but hurts others in the process

Usually reaches goals without alienating others

11. You're okay, I'm not I'm okay, you're not I'm okay, you're okay

Small Group Program

Sessions: Six

Problem AreasAnxietyDifficulty speaking spontaneouslyLow self-esteemNonassertive approach to othersAggressive approach to others

Objectives:

1.To improve awareness, recognition and expressions of feelings in an appropriate manner, both verbally and nonverbally.

2.To enable differentiation between assertive, aggressive and passive behavior.

3.To practice assertive rights and responsibilities in order to increase self-respect and self-esteem as well as to gain self respect from others.

4.To learn basic conversational skills in order to reduce social anxieties.

Objectives:

5. To learn appropriate ways of making and refusing requests.

6. To learn a problem solving approach to clearer communication through familiarization of the DESC system.

7. To learn coping skills in dealing with manipulation and unfair criticism.

Session 1Passive or Nonassertive Behavior

It aims to please others and to avoid conflict at any cost.

Effect:“You’re O.K, I’m not O.K”“I don’t count.”“My feelings don’t matter.”I don’t respect myself.”

Exercise 1

Aggressive Behaviorit aims to achieve or maintain control over

people or situations.

Effect;“I’m O.K, you’re not O.K.”“This is what I want, think, or feel. You have no right to want, think, or feel otherwise.” “You don’t count.”“I don’t respect you.”

Exercise 2 & 3

Session 2

Assertive Behaviorit aims to leave us feeling satisfied with our

interactions.

Effect;“I’m O.K, you’re O.K.”“I respect both myself and you.”“I expect you to respect me.”

Exercise 4 & 5

Nonverbal Component of BehaviorsBecause the majority of our

communication is carried out nonverbally, it is important to be aware of the kinds of messages we give.

Exercise 6

Session 3

Barrier to Being Assertive1. Anxiety2. Guilt3. Fear of feeling/looking ignorant or stupid4. Irrational belief5. Negative self-statement

Exercise 7 & 8

The ABC Emotions

A B C Situation Thought Response

Exercise 9

A B C D E Situation Thought Response Challenge or New Response

Session 4

Assertive Rights and ResponsibilitiesThe first step in learning to behave

assertively is to be aware of, and eventually feel comfortable with, our assertiveness rights and their accompanying responsibilities.

Exercise 10

Exercise 11

Principles of Assertiveness1. Everyone has a basic personal rights.

2. We cannot change others- only ourselves.

3. We are responsible for ourselves and our

behaviors.

4. If we change our behavior so that we feel more

self-respect, people will respond differently to us.

5. No one can read minds successfully. We cannot

know what others are thinking or feeling unless we

ask them. Attempting to do so makes poor

communication.

6. We can learn to be assertive.

The DESC Script

Step 1: DescribeDescribe to your partner the exact

behavior that are uncomfortable to you. Be as clear as possible. Do not generalize or guess peoples motives.

Step 2: ExpressSay what you think and feel about the

behaviors that are uncomfortable to you.

Step 3: SpecifyRefers to changes in what your

partner is doing, not to personality traits or attitudes. Be prepared for the other person to make requests for changes on your part.

Step 4: ConsequencesEmphasize the positive consequences

that will follow if your request is met.

Exercise 12

Session 5

Broken RecordIs a skill that help us learn to persist or

to stick in what we’re saying where we stand in matters that are important even it may cause us to repeat our position over and over with out becoming rude or losing control of our behaviors.

Workable CompromiseIt is a skill by which one works out an

agreement with other person without either person losing or lessening his or her self-respect.

Exercise 13

Session 6

Building Self-respectOne of the best ways to build up our self-respect

is to take time to identify our good qualities.

Sensitive

Guiding Witty

Funny

Accepting

Dependable

Hard Working

HelpfulKind

Patient

Building Self-respect

SELF-RESPECT

Coping with Criticism

Two kinds of criticism1. Factual Criticism

The critic is pointing out that we have made a mistake or that the critic objects to something in our behaviors.

2. Manipulative Criticism The critic’s goal is to manipulate or control

someone by trying to make him or her change in some way.

Skills used to deal with criticisma. Negative assertion

Acknowledging our fault or error. Apologize once. Acknowledging the effect of our action on the

critic- that is, the critic’s hurt or hostile feelings or the importance of our fault or error to him/her.

Making amends, if possible.

b. Negative inquiryIt involves asking, clarifying questions in order to prompt the critic to be direct.

c. FoggingThis skills is helpful when we are having difficulty saying what we really want to say because we are feeling angry. Guilty, or anxious.

The criticism, in principle Any possible truth in criticism The odds that the criticism is true while

still deciding yourself what your behavior will be.

Exercise 14

End of Report

Thank you for listening