the sentinella, costa west edition. april / may 2010
DESCRIPTION
Guaranteed to make you smile … The Sentinella Costa West is an A5 magazine aimed at the UK expat community, covering from Calahonda to San Roque on the coast, plus Ronda inland, in the Western region of the Costa del Sol. We print and distribute 10,000 magazines every two months within this area....TRANSCRIPT
The Little Mag that fits in your bag...
Costa West Edition
April / May 2010
Nº22
BE SEEN … i n R i v i e r a D e l S o l , C a l a h o n d a , C a b o p i n o , Elvir i a , Rosario, Marbel la ,
Puer to Banus, Nueva Andaluc ia , San Pedro, Guadalmina, B e n a v i s t a , Cancelada,
E s t e p o n a , C a s a res, Sabin i l las, La D u q u e s a , M a n i l v a , To r r e g u a d i a r o , S o t o g r a n d e ,
P u e b l o N u e v o , L a A l c a i d e s a , S a n R o q u e , B e n a h a v i s & R o n d a .
The Sentinella
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Don´t forget that all the regular jokes &
funnies are found in all sections of the
mag ...
Gardening Poem, Natural Pools, Is your
pool safe?...
Personal Wellness, SOS Skincare, Health
Q&A, The Best of Marbella...
Twin Geeks, Has your home in Spain
been affected by recent storms? What is
Remote Support ...
Marbella Netball Club, Team Mari,
Tee Time Anyone? Costa Gaels...
Ronda Today , Hotel Bandolero ...
Fame Games Teen Page, Wordsearch ...
ADANA update, Are you and your dog
speaking the same language? ...
Book Review, Tarot-scope, Cocktail
Recipe, Name that Song, Puzzle page...
Post It Here, The Sentinella Business
Pages, Information Page ...
The Sentinella is eternally dedicated to
Colin Checkley, the founder and editor
of The Sentinel Magazine. May he rest
in peace. (Born: 1960 Died: 2004)
Well, hello there, did you miss us?
It feels like such a long time since I last
wrote this column. Even though it
seemed like a little holiday at the start,
I think you will see that we have been
really busy…
Your new bi-monthly, Sentinella CostaWest Edition is jam packed with even
more than before. We have some great
new contributors who will be giving you
advice on subjects from keeping healthy,
looking good, improving your homes and
gardens to understanding your pets.
Our advertisers all offer the best quality
services and products at very affordable
prices. If in doubt, just give them a call
and find out for yourself and please do
remember to tell them where you saw
their ads.
Spring is here and Summer is just around
the corner so I have been out discovering
some of the different sporting activities
there are in the area. I have recently
joined Marbella Netball Club (see pg 24)
and am about to learn to play golf… why
not come and join me?
If you fancy a day trip or even a weekend
away, why not pop up to Juzcar or
Ronda? They have so much to offer and
are only 40 minutes from Marbella ...get
up there before all the summer tourists
arrive!
Remember that our next Issue will be out
at the end of May for June/July so send
in any requests for Summer articles or
your favorite silly jokes by email to
Home & Garden ... pg 5-11
Health & Beauty ... pg 12-17
Business Services ... pg 18-23
Sports & Activities ... pg 24-27
Animals & Pets ... pg 32-33
Out & About ... pg 28-29
K ids & Teens ... pg 30-31
Entertainment ... pg 34-43
General pages ... pg 44 -47
A Taste of What´s Inside ...
From the
ED ...
Enjoy !
Join our Fan Page
“The Sentinella, Costa West Edition”
Follow us on
@costawest
CONTACT US ...
608 840 692
Editor & Sales:
Distribution & Sales:
Original Artwork:
Lisa Sadleir
Ed Sadleir
Mick Elliot
Deposito Legal
MA-333-2008
No part of this publication, including pic-
tures may be copied, used or reproduced
without our prior written consent. TheSentinella accepts no responsibility for
alterations to events listed, claims made
by our advertisers or information
provided by our contributors. So there!
www.costawest.thesentinella.com
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Choose The Sentinella
4
The Wedding Test...
I was a very happy man. My wonderful
girlfriend and I had been dating for over
a year, and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering
me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-
two, wore very tight miniskirts, and
generally was bra-less. She would
regularly bend down when she was near
me, and I always got more than a nice
view. It had to be deliberate. Because
she never did it when she was near any-
one else.
One day her 'little' sister called and
asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when
I arrived, and she whispered to me that
she had feelings and desires for me that
she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just
once before I got married and committed
my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say
a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my
bedroom, and if you want one last wild
fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs. I stood there
for a moment, then turned and made a
beeline straight to the front door. I opened
the door, and headed straight towards my
car.
Lord... and behold, my entire future family
was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law
hugged me and said, 'We are very happy
that you have passed our little test. We
couldn't ask for a better man for our
daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
Thanks Patrick !
H o m
e & G
a r d e n
6
H o
m e
&
G
a r
d e
nGardening Poem
by: Peter
My Wife the Gardener
She dug the plot on Monday –
the soil was rich and fine,
She forgot to thaw out dinner –
so we went out to dine…
She planted roses Tuesday –
she says they are a must,
They really are quite lovely
but she quite forgot to dust.
On Wednesday it was daisies –
they opened up with sun,
All whites and pinks and yellows –
but the laundry wasn’t done…
The poppies came on Thursday -
a bright and cherry red,
I guess she really was engrossed –
she never made the bed…
It was violets on Friday –
in colours she adores,
It never bothered her at all –
all crumbs upon the floors…
I hired a maid on Saturday –
my week is now complete,
My wife can garden all she wants –
the house will still be neat!
It’s nearly lunchtime Sunday –
and I cannot find the maid,
Oh no! I don’t believe it!
She’s out there WITH THE SPADE!
What’s the difference betweenthese pools?
Actually they are the
same pool, just before
and after pictures of a
Biotop Natural Pool
conversion. The
owners decided that
their existing pool
wasn’t in keeping with
their garden and wanted something that
blended into the landscape rather than
detract from it.
What is a Biotop Natural Swimming
Pool?
Biotop were developed in Austria over
20 years ago. They use nature's natural
ability to purify the swimming water
rather than chemicals,
so the water is clean,
fresh and thus won't
cause allergies
The pools are made up
of two major parts; the
swimming area and
the planted area.
These are equally
proportioned. The
planted section is then split into two
parts; deep planting – water lilies and
oxygenating plants, and shallow
planting – bulrushes, irises, water hy-
acinths, etc.
Can any pool be converted?
Yes! If you have an existing pool that is
old, tired, even cracked it can be
transformed into a Natural Pool quite
easily. The existing swimming area can
be either retained or
wholly or partially trans-
formed into the planting
zones, and then an
additional swimming
area constructed. The
swimming and planting
areas can be located
next to each other or in
completely separate parts of your
garden. There are however a few things
that will dictate the final pool design
when considering a pool conversion.
As an existing pool will already have a
predetermined shape, that will affect the
final shape of the Natural pool, but it is
still possible to create a truly amazing
Natural pool, provid-
ing there is room to
do so.
Because Natural
pools heat up faster
than traditional
pools, they are
generally deeper, so
converting a pool
that is shallow may
mean adding additional planting on the
southern side of your pool, or building a
deck out over part of the water, to cast
shadow over the water.
.
Natural Pools are now available in Spain
from Lake Pools España S.L.
www.naturalpools-espana.com
Tel: 617 176 543
Tel: 617 176 543www.naturalpools-españ[email protected]
Before
After
Before
After
H o m
e & G
a r d e n
H o
m e
&
G
a r
d e
n
8
An Englishman, a Frenchman
and an Irishman were in a pub
talking about their children.
"My son was born on St George's Day,"
remarked the Englishman, "So we
obviously decided to call him George."
"That's a real coincidence," observed the
Frenchman, "My daughter was born on
Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her
Valentine."
"That's really incredible," drawled the
Irishman, "Exactly the same thing
happened with my son Pancake."
Paddy was a country boy, he had
never been to Dublin. One day he
decided to walk into Wexford and catch
the bus to Dublin. Duly the bus arrived
and Paddy asked the conductor for a re-
turn ticket. 'A return to where?' asked
the conductor'. 'Why back here of
course' said Paddy.
A wife was making a breakfastof fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL!
Put more butter in! Oh my gosh! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need
more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt them. You
know you always forget to salt them. Use
the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The
wife just stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you? You
think I don't know how to fry a couple of
eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just
wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving.'
Is your Pool Safe?
Children are naturally drawn to water. It can
take less than two minutes for a child to
drown. Help prevent the tragic loss of life by
erecting a pool safety fence.
French law (likely to be adopted in Spain)
states that all pools should be equipped
with a safety fence and gate. You can be
fined up to €220,000 for non-compliance.
Under Spanish law - If the unthinkable
happens, the property owner is liable. If you
rent your property it is your responsibility to
help keep your guests safe.
Increase bookings - A villa owner in
Fuerteventura increased 2009 bookings by
150% by installing a fence; it easily paid
for itself in one season.
For a FREE survey, contact:
Advasol Solutions
951 965 309/664 871 133
www.advasolsolutions.com.
H o m
e & G
a r d e n
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4
H o
m e
&
G
a r
d e
nglass of Guinness with a whisky chaser.
She smoked her first cigarette in 1940 -
and estimates that she's gone through
over half-a-million since then.
Mrs Gobey, who has 27 grandchildren,
55 great grandchildren and 12 great-
great grandchildren, toasted her birthday
at her local Labour Club with her
favourite tipple.
Ghosts for sale online
Two bottles said to contain the spirits of
ghosts exorcised from a house in New
Zealand have been put up for sale on an
online auction site.
The lot, 'Two Captured Ghosts,' reached
a top price of nearly £200 on TradeMe,
New Zealand's equivalent of eBay.
The seller claims the spirits were
captured by an exorcist from a spiritual
church at a property in Christchurch.
"We have had no paranormal activity
since they were bottled last July," the
seller said. "I believe they’re in the
bottles."
Strange News ...
Gardener to sail in giant pumpkin
An award-winning vegetable gardener is
planning to sail to the Isle of Man in a
giant pumpkin.
Medwyn Williams, 67, of Llanfairpwll, is
growing a 725kg pumpkin to be his boat
in a stunt to raise money for charity.
The walls of his pumpkin vessel with be
15cm thick and it will be fitted with a
seat and outboard motor.
Mr Williams said "I am totally confident
this can be done. I have done tests with
smaller pumpkins and they float well."
Centenarian’s longevity down to cigs
and booze
A 100-year-old Gloucestershire woman
believes her longevity may be down to
cigarettes and alcohol.
Lorna Gobey, of Cheltenham, smokes 20
cigarettes a day and regularly enjoys a
10
H o m
e & G
a r d e n
Apex Chimney Services S.C.
Professional Chimney Sweeping, Fault Detection, Nest Removal, Smoke Testing.
Qualified, Reliable and Fully Insured.
Tel: 696 320 202
Email [email protected]
The whole truth and nothing
but ...
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does
it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us
an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that
when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next
morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar
exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-
year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess
4
Are your New Year resolutions
a distant memory? Is the beach
season arriving to fast? Are you using
the Easter bunny to tempt you off track?
Panic not ... Personal wellness is here to
help. Here, I aim to give you a few quick,
realistic and easy changes that we can
all do to make us feel better and look
better.
Personal wellness is not just about
weight, blood pressure and stress. Well-
ness is an active process that allows
people to make positive choices in
creating and maintaining a healthy
lifestyle and sense of wellbeing.
Have you ever stopped to think why you
make these choices? Probably not! If you
have a bad day, stressful time, family
worries or even just an ‘off day’, all of
these can affect your wellbeing creating
a void which most people subconsciously
fill will food, quite literally.
So this issue I ask you to think in times
of feeling blue, grab a snack that’s
healthy better still go for a walk, even if
it is raining! When was the last time you
went out in the rain and got drenched on
purpose? Hold onto your childhood;
remember how you did not care about
the rain when you were a child? Go out
with the kids and splash in puddles.
Have a fruit day once a month, an excel-
lent idea if you have young children
around. A simple step, eat nothing but
fruit for 1 day a month. Think when was
the last time you ate
kiwi, grapes, pineap-
ple, strawberries or
even a humble ba-
nana. This encourages
good habits and awak-
ens your love for fruit. Plus you should
have lots left over, so no excuses.
Fad exercises are usually hard to keep
up, so try to pick an activity you enjoy
and make it part of your daily or weekly
routine, that way you're much more likely
to stick with it.
If you think you need a hand to help you
stick to your new active lifestyle, try
asking yourself the following questions
(write down your answers to help you to
think about them):
1. What sort of activity do I enjoy doing?
2. What good will it do me?
3. When and how often will I do it?
4. What may stop me from doing it?
5. How will I keep going towards my goal?
6. What help do I need from other people
to do this?
It's a good idea to do an activity with a
friend or relative, having the extra support
might just help you stick to your plan.
Good luck. Keep inspired remember to
love you, and stay well!
H e
a l t h
&
B
e a
u t y
by Deb Tel: 688 678 655
www.staywellpersonalwellness.com
12
A woman came home, screeching
her car into the driveway, and ran into
the house. She slammed the door and
shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What
should I pack, beach stuff or mountain
stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
Out of Winter and into Spring
Skincare SOS
The sun may be shining and your mood
may be lifting, but as the cold winter
months give way to springtime, your skin
is most likely still suffering the effects of
harsh temperatures and indoor heating.
But never fear, we have come up with
our Top Five DO’s and DON’Ts to help you
care for tired skin...
1. DO exfoliate once a week. Massage a
gentle scrub in circular motions over
your face and neck, taking care to avoid
the sensitive eye area
2. DO use an eye cream every day, even
if you don’t think you need it! Think of it
as a prevention rather than a cure
3. DON’T leave the house without sun
protection! Even when it’s cloudy you
are still exposed to the sun’s dangerous
rays, so always wear at least a factor 30.
4. DO moisturize. Add some nourishment
to your skin and use a cream with sun
protection in it, and some petroleum jelly
for dry, chapped lips
5. DON’T forget that what goes into your
body affects the skin as much as what
goes onto your body. Keep your skin soft
and hydrated by drinking at least eight
glasses of water a day
One of the best things you can do for
your skin is put it in the hands of a
professional, so why not enjoy a relaxing
and nourishing facial with one of the
trained beauticians at The Works Hair
and Beauty.
For further advice and a
FREE consultation, call 952 836 899.
The Works, Centro Commercial Contur
Elviria, Marbella Tel: 952 836 899
www.theworksmarbella.com
For all your hair,beauty and massage
requirements
The Works has a complete list of hair
and beauty treatments from cutting
and colouring, through to beauty
treatments like facials, waxing, eyes
and nails to name but a few.
They also have a dedicated masseuse
to attend to those tired muscles
leaving you feeling both relaxed and
refreshed.
H e a l t h &
B e a u t y
414
Alternative Beauty Therapies ...
You can say the world is shallow and vainthese days, what with our fake tans andbreast implants, but the truth is, we've al-ways been that way.
In fact, when you see the lengths towhich people used to go to make them-selves look or smell a little better, itmakes Botox look downright rational.
Bird Poop Facials....
The Geisha facial is an ancient beautysecret so awesome, it's been broughtback to the present so modern womencan experience it. Experience what, youask? Why, having the poop of a nightin-gale spackled on their face, of course.
Guanine is a chemical that does wondersfor the complexion and poop is a wickedsource of it (hence the word guano). Howanyone discovered the value of a facesmeared in bird poop is unclear, butapparently it's been around long enoughthat Japanese kabuki performers and
Geisha used to swear by it. And now youtoo can pay about €180 to have astranger put poop on your face onpurpose... On purpose!
Naturally, bird poop isn't for everyone. Sothank God for ingenuity, as some craftylady named Diane Irons hasassured everyone that kittylitter is pretty much the exactsame stuff they'll put on yourface at a regular spa. So reallyall you need to do to acquirethe ingredients for the perfectcomplexion is train your pet bird to poopin the litter box.
Watch this space for many more money
saving beauty tips .. TEE HEE!
H e
a l t h
&
B
e a
u t y
SPRAY TANWAXING
MANICUREPEDICURE
IN THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME
Gift vouchers available
For appointments contact JoannaTel: +34 637 444 136
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m
An Irishman was terribly over-
weight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days,
then skip a day, and repeat this proce-
dure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you,
you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the Irishman returned, he shocked
the doctor by having lost nearly 60
pounds!
“Why, that's amazing!” the doctor said,
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The Irishman nodded... “I'll tell you
though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to
drop dead on dat 3rd day.”
“From the hunger, you mean?” asked the
doctor.
“No, from the freekin' skippin ...”
Health Q & A
Welcome to our new Q & A Section
where we will be answering all your
questions on health and spinal matters
Please email your questions to:
Q: I have a herniated disc and sciatica
down my leg. My GP tells me I need an
operation and that chiropractic would
be too dangerous for me. Is that true?
A: If you have sciatic pain you should
initially look to the least invasive
therapy for help - chiropractic. These
are the Spine/Nerve specialists.
Your chiropractor should take standing
X-rays to determine the cause and then
explain how the situation can be
resolved in a clear, rational way that you
completely understand.
Some surgeries have poor results and
really should be the last thing you
consider.
The earlier it is dealt with, the more
complete the likely recovery. It is
probable that a period of rehabilitation
will be necessary as real changes need
to be made.
This should include gentle spinal
manipulation, precise lumbo-pelvic
traction and home exercise.
A functional problem certainly needs a
functional solution!
Tim Errington BSc DC (EEUU)
Marbella Chiropractic
952 880 398
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H e a l t h &
B e a u t y
For more information on these companies and many more,
log onto... www.thebestofmarbella.com
for requests, email ... [email protected]
The Best of Our...
HEALTH &
BEAUTY SPECIALISTS(Part Three)
H e
a l t h
&
B
e a
u t y
Wellbeing Through Technology
Belvida offers a range of health and beauty products made
with the newest technologies, an innovative vision clamada-
mente. To have a healthy body we have to have healthy cells.
Biotechnology manages to transform a substrate, creating active and also very pure, effective,
high-value cosmetic and where no animal waste or animal toxins, which can cause rejection in
our skin.
Through this process of transformation biocultivos, achieves a high-tech cosmetics, are valued.
They also have a high cost, due to the complex process of development and selection of high
quality raw materials, thus, regenerate tissues comparable to human skin.
Commercial Department Mobilel: +34 647 83 56 31
[email protected] http://www.belvida.es/http://thebestofmarbella.blogspot.com/2009/05/bela-vida-retipalm.html
Cindy's Beauty Therapy Academy was established in
1986 to provide the highest standard of Beauty Therapy education.
We take a great deal of pride in our class development and teaching because the credibility of
YOUR QUALIFICATIONS relies upon our standards.
When we issue Diplomas or Certificates and sign our names, it reflects that YOU have reached
a standard of technique and are able to offer the benefit of that education to your clients.
At Cindy's Beauty Therapy Academy your Certificate or Diploma is not automatically issued, but
only after the successful completion of an entire course.
After the completion of the course, career opportunities are endless. From home visiting,
working on cruise ships (like Steiner where we provide highly qualified staff), spas, beauty
salons, or to the ultimate dream of most therapists - owning your own salon.
Cindys Beauty Therapy Academy: "Train with the best": Cindy BrownUrb. Manilva Beach,N340, KM 142
Tel: 952 893 530 Mobile: 600 315 471E-mail: [email protected] www.cindysbta.com
http://thebestofmarbella.blogspot.com/2009/04/cindys-beauty-therapy-academy-train.html
16
Entries from hospital patients
charts...
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of
suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at
another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but
her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on
her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better
and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying con-
stantly. She also appears to be de-
pressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since
she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without
permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year
old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and
anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined,
x-rated and sent home...
.... aaaaaaaaaaaaarrggghhhh!
H e a l t h &
B e a u t y
418
Last Monday (the day that we announced the story on the radio) was the 15th March,
Source: Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development
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http://www.ptable.com/
TOPIC OF THE MONTH: DOTCOM MARKS SILVER ANNIVERSARY
WEBSITE OF THE MONTH: DYNAMIC PERIODIC TABLE
www.red-enet.com
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B u s i n e s s S
e r v i c e s
20
Some great shorts from our
mate Tommy Cooper ...
Two blondes walked into a building; you'd
think at least one of them would have
seen it.
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing
only cling-film for shorts. The shrink says,
'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'
I went to buy some camouflage trousers
the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers and bet him 200
quid that he couldn't reach the meat off
the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are
too high.'
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A
strong currant pulled him in.
A man came round in hospital after a
serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor,
doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor
replied, 'Relax, they're still there; I've
amputated your arms....'
Went to a seafood disco last week...and
pulled a muscle.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
freezing cold. They lit a fire in the craft
and it sank; proving once and for all that
you can't have your kayak and heat it.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My
dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you
can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's
have a look at him' So he picks the dog
up, examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm afraid I'm
going to have to put him down.' 'What?
Just because he's cross-eyed? 'No,
because he's really heavy'
So I was getting into my car, and this
bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's
your oyster, go for it.'
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the
other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So
are you, you fat bastard!'
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one
was drinking battery acid, and the other
was eating fireworks. They charged one
and let the other one off.
'You know, somebody actually compli-
mented me on my driving today. They left
a little note on the windscreen. It said,
"Parking Fine". 'Wasn't that nice.'
A man walked into the doctors and said,
'I've hurt my arm in several places.' The
doctor said, 'Well don't go to them
anymore.'
Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred
early this morning when a small two-
seater Cessna plane crashed into a
cemetery. Irish search and rescue
workers have recovered 726 bodies so
far and expect that number to climb as
digging continues into the night....
B u
s i n
e s
s S
e r
v i c
e s
B u s i n e s s S
e r v i c e sHas your home in Spain been
affected by the recent storms?
Following one of the wettest winters in
Andalucía many homeowners in Spain
are still battling with floods and water
damage. If you are a home owner in
Spain and have suffered loss or damage
as a result of the storms, your Spanish
insurer may have advised you that your
claim is not covered under your policy
and that you must make a claim to the
Consorcio de Compensación de Seguros,
also known as ‘the Consorcio’.
The Consorcio acts as an insurer for
Spanish risks (such as your home in
Spain) in the event of extraordinary and
unpredictable occurrences, for example
extreme weather conditions.
In many cases insurers leave it to the
policyholder to make their claim to the
Consorcio. This process can be particu-
larly difficult if you are not familiar with
the system especially if you are not a
Spanish speaker. You may find that if
you do not follow the correct procedures
when making a claim you could be under
compensated.
Ibex Insurance Services can make this
process a little easier for you. Working
with a leading claims handling company
in the Iberian Peninsula, Ibex are offering
members of the public advice and
support on making their Consorcio claim.
This service is available to anyone who
currently has home insurance, even if
your policy is not with Ibex. For further
information or to make an appointment
with a Claims Consultant contact :
Rachelle King at Ibex Estepona
on 952 887 125 or
email [email protected] .
Please note that you must have a home
insurance policy in place in order to
make a claim to the Consorcio.
Impress your neighbours
with Amazing Garage Door
Covers!"
A German firm called "Style Your
Garage" - creates posters for
garage doors that make it look as
if it's actually showing the interior
of your garage, and what's in it!
Who do YOU want to impress ...
414
B u
s i n
e s
s S
e r
v i c
e s
What is "Remote Support"?
Remote Support is a service that allows
an engineer to connect to your computer
to repair it by using the internet and not
actually visiting your home. This can be
useful if you live in a remote area or
require a quick solution rather than
waiting for an engineer to visit.
Q1. Is it safe to allow someone to
connect to my computer?
A1. Yes, providing we have your permis-
sion we can only connect if you are sat at
your computer. There are various things
we need you to do to allow us access.
Also, we cannot gain access if your
computer is switched off. Once we take
control of your PC through the internet
you can see everything that we are doing
so if you are worried about what we see
just watch the screen.
Q2. What do we have to do to allow this
to happen?
A2. We need to send you a link via email
to install a small program on your
computer.
Q3. How do I pay?
A3. You can pay via our website
http://www.avanti.ndo.co.uk/payments.h
tml There is a standard €30 single
session fee for most problems. If it's a
bigger problem we will inform you and
make alternative arrangements.
Q4. I would rather have an engineer visit
us, what would be the cost
A4. In Mijas Costa we charge €30 per
hour, some faults are fixed in this time
period. More major problems can be
approx €60. There is no call out fee.
Website: www.avanti.ndo.co.uk
Email: [email protected]
Tel: +34 634 689 694
Here are actual calls to computer
technical support reps:
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Inter-
net with your CD, but it just doesn't work.
What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the
CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah...
.
Tech support: And what sort of computer are
you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a
computer. It's in the CD player and all I get
is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
22
B u s i n e s s S
e r v i c e sTech support: Are you sure you used the
right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm totally sure. I saw my
colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the
password was?
Customer: Five stars * * * * * .
***
Customer: I have a huge problem. A
friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the
mouse, it disappears.
***
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be
the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the
address, but how do I get the circle
around it?
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24
ised by the Federacion
Castilla La Mancha for
the 2nd time. (Lissy
finished 3rd in the 2008
Championship).
Their first race of 2010
took place on Sunday
14th March at the
Circuito de Albacete.
On the Saturday, Lissy raised the bar on
the 2nd timed practice to qualify 2nd on
the grid with her Suzuki GSXR 600.
Angela getting used to her new track toy
a Honda CBR600 RR qualified 9th in very
cold but dry conditions.
Sunday came, together with sunny, dry
warmer conditions. Lights go out and off
they go... Lissy reaches the hairpin first
with the polesitter Noelia right behind
her. Lissy holds her off until lap 5 when
a backmarker comes into play. Noelia
goes one side and Lissy goes the other
with Noelia then taking the lead into the
same hairpin. Lissy starts her pursuit
but can’t find an opening to pass and
follows her home hot on her tail in very
impressive 2nd place . Angela has a
solid race and finishes in 9th.
Next race is at Alcañiz, Teurel on the
19th of June www.motorlandaragon.com
Anyone interested in sponsoring Team-
Mari can contact Lissy (Galeria 151) on
655 459 576 or Angela 619 622 471.
Thanks to our sponsors RIES RACING,
SPEED MOTOS AND SIGNSTUDIOSPAIN.
Join the Facebook page “Team-Mari” and
show your support.
Congratulations ... TEAM-MARI
Lissy Hoyle and
Angela Ruiz
Cortina are two
Estepona based
b u s i n e s s
women. Their
love of bikes has culminated in them
taking part in the Copa Femenina organ-
S p
o r
t s
&
A
c t i v
i t i e
sMarbella Netball Club
Born in 2007, the
MNC was formed
by a group of
mothers at a local
I n t e r n a t i o n a l
School. Initially
we aimed to promote the sport along the
Costa del Sol and play friendly games
with other local clubs. Today we have two
teams competing in the Gibraltar Netball
League, the Harriers and the Jets.
We are always actively looking to
increase our membership so whether you
are interested in just coming along for a
good keep fit session or want to become
involved in playing in league fixtures
please come and give the MNC a try.
We train every Tuesday from 8pm till
9.30pm at LAUDE International School,
San Pedro (Formally Kings College) We
are always looking to recruit new
members all ages and abilities are
welcome. Our members range in ability
from complete beginners to former
county players.
For more information please contact
Nicky on 672 379 260 or check out our
facebook fan page Marbella Netball Club.
S p o r t s &
A c t i v i t i e s
The objective of the course is to
entertain, and it entertains. Its 9 holes
are spread out with a varied design over
the flat terrain of a valley and stand out
for their fairways, on which precision is
one of the keys to a good game.
With three par-3 holes and one par 5, the
course offers golfers the possibility of
playing all sorts of shots … and I´m sure
I will be !
In the next issue I will let you know how
my first lessons went. So far, I have been
told to wear sports shoes , comfortable
clothing, be ready to have fun and expect
to hit a lot of air !?
My instructor will provide me with all the
clubs and balls I need.
Apparently, it is unusual to manage to hit
the ball more than 3 metres on your first
day ... let´s see!
If you fancy joining me, just give me a call
on 608 840 692. The more the merrier!
Tee Time Anyone?
Having lived in Spain for
most of my life and now
actually living on the
Costa Del Golf , I have de-
cided it is time to take the plunge and
learn to play …
Like many others I have spoken to, I must
admit that I am concerned about the high
profile the game has here. Lots of
glamorous tournaments and events. You
will not find me there… not yet anyway!
So, I set off in search of a course where
I would feel comfortable and not feel like
people would be pointing their finger or
telling me to hurry up and get out of their
way! (I´m sure they wouldn’t actually say
that but I would not want to give them the
chance).
On meeting Gonzalo, the Director of
Casares Costa Golf, I knew I had found
the ideal place to begin my adventure.
Casares Costa Golf is a 9 hole course
designed with the casual golfer in mind
… and what is
more their fees
are a lot more
affordable! They
also have a great
restaurant with a
huge sun terrace
… what more do you need to enjoy a
game of golf!
Oops, back to the task in mind...
26
S p
o r
t s
&
A
c t i v
i t i e
sCosta Gaels: 2010 Iberian Gaelic
Football Championships
Gaelic Football is a form of football played
mainly in Ireland where, although a strictly
amateur pursuit, it is the most popular sport
in terms of both playing numbers and
attendance levels.
Played correctly, it is a fast, hard game
requiring a combination of skills incorporating
kicking, catching, running, tackling and hand-
passing.
Teams of 11 or 15 players attack H-shaped
goal posts, with one point awarded for kicking
or punching the ball between the posts and
over the crossbar and a goal worth three
points awarded for getting the ball under the
bar and into the net.
Last Saturday saw local team Marbella Costa
Gaels hosting the second round of the 2010
Iberian Gaelic Football Championships.
An exciting day’s action featured 14 games
played in the picture-postcard setting of Ojen
village, culminating in Sant Vincent Valencia
securing the men's title and Madrid Harps
emerging victorious in the ladies' final.
Six teams took part in the men's competition,
including Barcelona Gaels, Naomh Fermin
Pamplona and - making their first ever
championship appearance - Eire Og Seville.
Meanwhile in the ladies, three very evenly-
matched teams from Barcelona, Madrid &
Valencia battled it out.
At the awards ceremony later that evening in
the Claddagh Irish Bar in Marbella, referee
Tony Bass awarded the Most Valuable Player
award to the richly deserving Adam Whyte of
Valencia. A strong feature of the tournament
was the excellent contribution from players of
all nationalities, with the Spanish contingent
playing key roles in both winning teams.
Any Costa del Sol based players (male or
female, Irish, Spanish or any other nationality)
interested in getting involved are welcome to
email [email protected] or contact Gordon
on 664 246 054. The Costa Gaels have
weekly training sessions with all newcomers
welcome.
For anyone based in Seville, Eire Og Seville are
always looking to recruit new players and can
be contacted by emailing :
Team photo by Owen Farrell
www.doubleexposurephotography.com
28
O u
t &
A
b o
u t
April and May
are amongst
the best
times of the
year to visit
Ronda. Spring
is in the air, the skies are blue, the sun
is shining, all the beautiful birds are
singing, and the countryside is a lovely
deep green.
Taking a two hour walk from Plaza de
España will see most of Ronda's wonder-
ful historic heritage including the famous
Puente Nuevo,
the Moorish era
Arab Baths, the
medieval walls
of Ronda, the
Palacio Mondragon
where Moorish
and then Christian kings made their
home, and of course the bullring from
which the greatest names of bullfighting
legend perfected their craft.
Why not enjoy the quaint old time shop-
ping in Ronda's pedestrianised Calle La
Bola, we have traditional toy shops,
leather outlets and shoe makers, local
foods and wines, hand-made soaps, and
shops that sell gorgeous flamenco gowns
for fiestas.
Semana Santa is just around the corner
(first week of April) and for a small town,
Ronda boasts one of the most impressive
weeks, and you'll surely want to see the
silent parades where the only sound is
the dragging of chains by penitents.
Some of the heavier processions feature
up to 130 men carrying an icon for
several hours.
Toward the end of April, two of Scotland's
most popular gaelic singers will be
visiting the Serranía and teaching
Scottish Gaelic as well as performing
some of their favourite songs at the Hotel
Bandolero in Juzcar.
Gillebride Macmillan and Fiona
Mackenzie, darlings of the Gaelic music
charts are also experts in the Gaelic
language and will be your teachers.
The Hotel Bandolero
is also hosting an
exhibition by cele-
brated artist,
Joaquín González
Flores.
If you have a few days to spare in the
Serranía, you may also take a drive to
Teba where you can see a monument to
Scotland's Robert the Bruce whose heart
was carried in battle between Christian
and Moorish armies in 1330, as well,
visit the castle, one of the largest ever
constructed in Andalucía.
Editorial and photographs contributed
by Andy
O u t &
A b o u t
Steely grey
mountain tops,
soaring eagles,
deep valley
vistas, ve rd a n t
chestnut trees, white villages, big sky,
wild flowers & cactus, mountain goats,
boars, black pigs & rabbits; these are
some of the scenes to behold while
staying at Hotel Bandolero.
El Bandolero is a small, charming rural
hotel and restaurant tucked away in one
of the seven small white villages of the
Upper Genal Valley in the Ronda Mountains
in the greenest part of Andalucia.
Owners David and
Ivan welcome you
to their charming
accommodation in
the village of Júzcar
in the Genal Valley
where you can
escape all the pressures and stress of
urban life. Experience the pace of tradi-
tional Spanish living while relaxing on
the terrace, sampling local Ronda wines
and tapas as you enjoy the marvellous
views that the lush chestnut tree country
of the Upper Genal Valley has to offer.
El Bandolero, constructed in a rustic
style in 2001, offers tapas and creative
cuisine along with the
creature comforts of
country living. The
small hotel consists
of eight spacious
double rooms includ-
ing two suites, a
breakfast dining room, restaurant, bar
and terrace, lounge,
swimming pool and sun
terrace.
Six of the spacious
double rooms have wood-
burning stoves and terraces with stunning
views of the valley and mountains. All
rooms are decorated in a rustic style,
have en-suite bathrooms
and include coffee/tea
facilities, TVs & central
heating.
Sample the delicious
cuisine of Chef Iván, a
Cordon Bleu trained chef;
sip a refreshing "tinto de verano" (red
wine and lemonade over ice) on any one
of El Bandolero's sun terraces, taste
the tapas, relax and let the views carry
you away.
Hotel Bandolero is a favourite with nature
lovers and those who simply want to
escape the hustle and bustle of the
coast...
For further details of activities and local
recommended excursions, log onto the
Hotel Bandolero website:
www.hotelbandolero.com
Tel: 952 183 660 / 648 092 242
*SPECIAL OFFER*
3 Course Meal & Wine
+ Overnight Stay
+ Breakfast
ONLY 50€ (+ IVA) pppn
30
T e
e n
s F a
m e
G
a m
e s
P
a g
e
To BE SEEN in The Sentinella Phone 608 840 692
SPORTS
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ARCHERY
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32
P e
t s
& A
n i m
a l s
ADANA Update ...
In the summer of 2009 an English
teacher, staying with lifelong friends in
Estepona, paid a visit to the Adana
kennels. On returning home she decided
to write a book about the Estepona
community, who had made her so
welcome, and paying particular reference
to Adana in the hope of raising funds and
awareness.
Returning to her home in Suffolk Helene
approached Edward Baker ( the firm that
is now Nestlé Purina), who have an office
in Sudbury, for help. Thinking that they
might donate a few doggie treats for
Christmas she was delighted to be told
that 2 pallets of dog food – top quality
Purina brands – would be shipped to
Barcelona free of charge for Adana!. The
food has now arrived and is being
enjoyed by the 160 dogs at the kennels
Helene and ADANA hope that this
generosity may be the first of many other
such gestures from companies and in
dividuals who recognize the difficulties
faced by animal welfare organizations
during the current financial crisis
April 12th Lunch at The Straw Donkey,
Puerto de la Duquesa from 1.30. Two
courses for €11 for reservations please
ring Anne on 952 801 501
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Are you and your dog speaking
the same language?
“He understands every word I say, you
know…”. This announcement, by the
owner, has been heard only too often by
most dog behaviourists; it usually causes
us to (mentally) roll our eyes and think
“Here we go again…”.
In fact, far from understanding every
word, most of our human conversations
and talk are no more than ‘meaningless
babble’ to our dogs. So, just how much of
our vocabulary do our dogs really
understand? The truth is, only a handful
of words – usually, those linked with
food, play or outings. In short, something
that is of direct and immediate interest
to the dog!
Nevertheless, these anthropomorphic
owners (that's the word used for
attributing human qualities to an animal)
do have a point; in long-term dog /human
relationships (excluding puppies and
newly acquired dogs) there is clearly an
exquisite and refined form of communi-
cation – a common ‘language’.
One of the things our dogs interpret with
extreme accuracy is our body language;
I am not talking here about the hand
signals we may have, perhaps very
successfully, taught our dog for certain
actions or commands, but about a body
language we, as humans, are totally un-
aware of performing, what I call the ‘He
seems to know what I’m thinking’ syn-
drome.
Likewise, our dogs try to respond and
communicate with us using their own
forms of body language which, sadly,
many owners misinterpret or simply do
not pay attention to.
It is a complex and interesting subject: more
about dog/human communication in the
next issue!
Sylvia FitzSimons
Canine Behaviour Consultant
e-mail: [email protected]
All main brands pet foods
Pet accessories and services
FREE delivery to your home
Dog Psychology & Behaviour Modification
952 904 973 / 679550490
www.barrysdogstore.net
P e t s & A
n i m a l s
We all need to
read a book that
makes us chuckle
and forget our
troubles... Victoria
Twead has done exactly
that with her hilarious
new award-winning page-turner,
‘Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools ’ .
This book bursts with irreverent humour,
animals, eccentric characters and the
Spanish sunshine.
Set in sun-scorched Andalucía, ‘Chick-
ens, Mules and Two Old Fools’ describes
Vicky and Joe’s life-changing move to a
tiny village tucked in the Alpujarra
mountains. The couple have no idea of
the culture shock awaiting them, no idea
they will become reluctant chicken
farmers, own the most dangerous
cockerel in Spain, help capture a vulture
or be rescued by a mule.
Life with the villagers is never dull as
they embark on their Five Year Plan. At
the end of five years they must decide.
Will they stay or return to the relative
sanity of England?
Chapter Excerpt ...
“Look out for jellyfish,” said Joe as Judith
made her way across the hot sand to the
water’s edge. Famous last words.
Minutes later, an almighty yell woke us from
our doze. Judith, sombrero awry, was exiting
the water at a rate of knots. Joe and I jumped
to our feet.
“Jellyfish! Damned critter got me...” spluttered
Judith, wincing and holding her leg. “Hurts like
hell!” The rash on her leg was already
swelling and angry looking. She sat heavily on
the sand, her face creased in pain.
“What can we do?” I asked.
I looked around, but there was nobody on the
beach apart from a family some distance
away. Judith was suffering; she was writhing
and clutching at her leg. Jellyfish stings are
notoriously painful.
And then I had an inspiration. I love TV sur-
vival documentaries, the kind where the
presenter makes an A-frame shelter from
palm leaves and rubs two elephant beetles
together to start a fire. A bit of trivia I had
absorbed suddenly surfaced.
“Quick, Joe! Pee on her!”
“What?” Joe was aghast.
“Pee on her leg! It’ll take the sting away!”
“Don’t be ridiculous! I can’t just pee on
Judith!”
“You have to! I can’t do it, it has to be male
pee.”
“But…”
“Good Lord,” said Judith, extending her leg. “If
it’ll take the pain away, just DO it!”
“Well, I could … but you’ll both have to look
away.” Joe was crimson with embarrassment.
“Okay,” I said, “just get on with it!”
For a long moment he just stood there in
horror. Then, realising that both Judith and I
were deadly serious, he eased his trunks
aside, took aim, and began urinating on
Judith’s leg.
He was still in midstream when a shadow fell
across us. We became aware we were not
alone. The man from the distant family group
had joined us, presumably having noticed
Judith’s predicament. Politely, he held out a
tube of ointment.
“¿Medusa?” he asked quietly. “Jellyfish? This
ointment will take away the sting
immediately.”
Joe swung away, tucking himself back into his
trunks as fast as he could. The Spanish man
avoided looking at Joe, didn’t comment on his
bizarre behaviour. Instead, he splashed water
on Judith’s leg, then gently applied the
ointment. The relief, according to Judith, was
instantaneous.
“Vinegar also works well,” said the man, now
looking pointedly at Joe, then nodding
towards the cafe up the beach...
Title: Chickens, Mules and Two Old Fools Publisher: New Generation PublishingAuthor: Victoria Twead Date of publication: October 2009 ISBN-10: 1906558353
Victoria Twead's Website and Blog:
http://www.VictoriaTwead.com
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E n t e r t a i n m
e n tHow to Throw a Spring Cocktail
Party... 6 Top Tips
from Heather at Fiestasol Catering
- Firstly, decide how much you want to
take on yourselves. If you really want to
relax and enjoy the party, sometimes it is
a good idea to call in for some outside
help
- Keep the timing specific on your invite
If it is a just a cocktail party, you don´t
want people hanging around all night.
7-9pm should give your guests the
picture
- Have a plan B for rain - at this time of
year, you never know - so clearing away
some space in the living room may be a
necessity.
- Nights can be chilly at this time of year,
so consider renting an outdoor patio
heater.
- Remember to set out a proper bar -
dressed table, with glasses, sliced
lemons, ice and pincers is a must and
easy then for guests to serve themselves
- Consider in investing in some catering,
either opting for a simple, delivery-only
option or the full works with staff to
circulate the food, serve the drinks and
clean up afterward
... bliss!
GET NOTICEDHERE ...
from ONLY 75€
for 6 months
Call:
608 804 692
36
MAY TAURUS - the hierophant
21ST April – 21st May
A month where mental agility out-
wits emotions use your head not
your heart. In work, the cards depict
a sacrifice to be made in order to
gain, thus bringing celebrations over
money that you earn this month.
Travel overseas is predicted and
most enjoyable. Morocco?????
JUNE GEMINI - the lovely lovers
22nd May – 21st June
Well the tarot-scope takes you
Gemini’s to your spiritual self, a time
for self-healing ‘you know’ T L C to
the self. Stop battling with your spirit
it does know best. Stop taking on
other peoples negative attitudes,
follow your own intuition you won’t
go wrong. By the end of the April
things do look more positive.
JULY CANCER - the chariot
22nd June – 22st July
Come on you little crab’s it’s out of
the cold now for you, and I’m not
just talking about the weather. Move
forward now mentally and emotion-
ally. The cycle of life changes and
brings opportunities to commitment
in work and love, for those who dare
to step forward, life’s next chapter.
Oh how exciting !
AUGUST LEO - strength
23rd July – 23rd August
Oh Leo the lion. Strength and com-
passion required here for those
being judged by others, particularly
in family matters. Those who take
risks pay the price. Commotion
around travel and will bring peace of
mind. If you are waiting decisions on
education, it will be favourable to
you/your family. From your quiet
strength, you reap your rewards.
SEPTEMBER VIRGO - the hermit
24th August – 22nd September
Nine is the number of the hermit,
and a number of change. Symboliz-
ing completion, in a stage in your
life. So let’s see what’s next, well
this month. Some of you Virgos have
itchy feet, looking for new homes.
The plans you make this month, IF
you go slowly, will bring the warm
rewards in a new home. Push
negative thought from your mind,
and hold on to your positive
thoughts.
OCTOBER LIBRA - justice
23rd September – 23rd October
Don’t worry if you can’t spend as
much time with family and loved
ones as you would like. Absence
dose make the heart grow fonder.
It’s time to allow people to make
mistakes and learn lessons; it’s
their fate, their destiny. Remember
personal responsibility.
NOVEMBER SCORPIO - death
24th October – 22nd November
Scorpios you are emotional,
secretive, yet you like to know the
truth. Public recognition of your
efforts, bring personal contentment.
Offers of work and inspiring meet-
ings. Never say never the ace of
cups is out, combined with the
empress. Yes it’s a baby, don’t think
I’m too old or it won’t be me, babies
I believe are the universal/God’s
will, not ours. ENJOY X
DECEMBER SAGITTARIUS - temperance
23rd November – 21st December
Sagittarians blend with animals,
nature and humans. They also like
to study. On a spiritual level Okay
your psychic senses are starting to
stir, you are special you are individ-
ual; you need to learn to connect to
your higher-self, seek and find a
good mediation group. The cards
depict actions today relating to work
bring control, singing contract in the
winter months bring financial gain.
JANUARY CAPRICORN - the devil
22nd December – 20th January
Capricorns enjoy wealth, and
comforts. Sensuous souls to. Ohh
this month it’s all about you and why
not, you’ve worked hard put a lot of
mental energy into what you want so
step forward out of the shadows and
enjoy the success that is justifiably
yours.
FEBRUARY AQUARIUS - the star
21st January -18th February
We all have stubborn streaks and its
time to use yours in a positive way.
Small children need guidance, tough
love brings them back to reality, and
into the family fold. We all must
manage our money but you Aquar-
ians more than most this month,
pull the financial reins in, take heed.
Greece holidays look good.
MARCH PISCES - the moon
19th February – 20th March
Invertations from a man to a
wedding come in the next two
months. Men born in this month it’s
a positive time to bring in change in
work conditions don’t sit on the
fence get on with it. A new broom
sweeps clean bringing work oppor-
tunities overseas. Go pisces go.
ARIES THE RAM 21st march – 20th April
Money – Coins We all want the home comforts, and I can see you having a small
amount of money to spend on a few creature comforts. I see a lot of work going
into sustaining a finical situation. The card’s predict balance within the next 6
weeks where finances are concerned. Please stop beating yourself up over money. Work – Wands There is so
much positive energy in this month, so use it to bring plans to fruition. Men and Women use your feminine,
creative side to move forward and achieve. People causing you problems in work? This will not last forever. It can
turn out to be harmonious. Honest. Health – Swords Stop right now if you’re giving though to a past situation
that you cannot change. Concentrate on the new, the past robs us of today and tomorrow when we give it too
much thought. Past demons, can be such a drain if we allow, change your thought pattern. It is a good month for
all those wanting an addition to the family, good news and pregnancy soon. Love – Cups News of a wedding in
October? Its well starred in the cards. It’s a good relationship don’t doubt the loving relationship you have. Any
connections with authorities work out well. I see a man in uniform, how romantic x
Mary White
The Sentinella´s Mystic
Tel: 678 801 159
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Background...
As the days grow longer and we approach
the summer why not try this refreshing
cocktail. Containing 5 white spirits and
topped with cola, this ‘iced-tea’ resem-
bling cocktail was first served in the late
1970s at the Oak Beach Inn, Babylon,
Long Island, NY.
Recipe...
In a cocktail shaker, add:
2 ice cubes
25ml vodka
25ml gin
25ml white rum
25ml tequila
25ml cointreau
25ml freshly squeezed lemon juice
Shake the ingredients to mix and chill
the contents. Strain into a large tumbler
filled with ice, and top up with cola.
Garnish with a lemon wedge.
This Month’s Cocktail ...
Long Island Iced Tea
CheersCheers
Neale !
Neale !
The rules are simple...
The artisit (ie. either the group’s
name or the singer’s surname
will begin with the chosen letter...
Here are the answers to the
Letter C Songs:
“We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this
way”
TRACY CHAPMAN - Fast Car
“He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink”
CHUMBAWAMBA - Tub Thumping
“Starts to whistle as he
crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there”
PHIL COLLINS- Another day in Paradise
“Lipstick cherry all over the lens
as she's falling
In miles of sharp blue water
coming in where she lies”
“But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up
in surrender”
“Keep your silly ways or throw them
out the window
The wisdom of your ways, I've been
there and I know”
Remember the Answers will be
published next month.
Featuring ...
The Letter “D”
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If you know the answers, you can post them on our
Fan Page “The Sentinella, Costa West Edition” ....
Name That Song ...E n
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How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothes and place them sec-
tioned in laundry basket according to
lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing
gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover
up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mir-
ror - make mental note to do more sit-ups
/ leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and
sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's
clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint
conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial
scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut
and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse condi-
tioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing
gown and towel on head.. If you see part-
ner along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge
of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake
willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch
your bum.
Get in the shower
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits
Blow your nose in your hands and let the
water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at
how loud it sounds in the shower..
Spend majority of time washing privates
and surrounding area. Wash your bum,
leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on
the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off
Fail to notice water on floor because cur-
tain was hanging out of bath the whole
time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on
floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom
with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake
willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound
again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
WE KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE
IT IS SOOOOOOO TRUE!!!!!!
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Chirine Ayoubi JewelleryBESPOKE J EWEL L ER
Tel: 952 897 266
Las Galerias, Local 9 & 10, Puerto de la Duquesa
RepairsWedding Rings
Engagement RingsEar Piercing
RemodellingStone replacement
email: [email protected]
Some Useless Easter Facts ...
The tradition of giving eggs at Easter
time has been traced back to Persians,
Egyptians, Gauls, Greeks and Romans, to
whom the egg was a symbol of life.
Easter is a “moveable feast” celebrated
on the first Sunday after the full moon
which happens on or after March 21, the
Spring Equinox.
The first chocolate eggs were made in
Europe in the early 1800s and still are
one of the most popular treats associ-
ated with Easter.
76 percent of people eat the ears on
chocolate bunnies first.
The traditional act of painting eggs is
called Pysanka (origins from the Ukran-
ian word pysaty, “to write”)
According to the Guinness Book of World
Records the largest Easter egg ever
made was just over 25 feet high and
weighed 8,968 lbs.
The name Easter originates from Eastre,
the Anglo-Saxon goddess who symbolizes
hare and egg.
Every year, the White House hosts an
Easter Egg Roll on the front lawn. The tra-
dition was started by President Ruther-
ford B. Hayes in 1878.
Cartoon Caption Challenge ...
We had a fantastic response to the
Chicken Challenge in the last issue.
Unfortunately, the Cudeca concert was
cancelled so we have decided to run the
Challenge again this issue and the
winner wil receive an original copy of the
Cat and their caption/ joke/ story,
designed by local artist Mick Elliot.
It’s simple ... the prize will go to the
person who sends in the funniest joke /
caption / story about a Cat ...
Answers to:
costawest@thesent inel la .com
or add to our Facebook Fan Page,
The Sent inel la Costa West Edi t ion
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In Childrens´Words ...
Cream loses its magic:
Little Michael watched, fascinated, as his
mother smoothed cold cream on her
face.
"Why do you do that, Mummy?" he asked
"To make myself beautiful," said his
mother who then began removing the
cream with a tissue
"What's the matter?" asked little Michael,
"Giving up?"
Road Hog:
One day I was driving with my five year
old daughter and I honked my car horn by
mistake.
Alice turned and looked at me for an
explanation.
I said, "I did that by accident."
Alice replied, "I know that, Daddy."
I replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say 'IDIOT'
afterwards"
The Chase:
Nicola, eight years old, told her parents
that David Parsons had kissed her after
lessons.
"How did that happen?" asked her
mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady,
"but three girls helped me catch him."
GALERIA 151
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email: [email protected]
Picture FramingMirrors
Memorabilia framing and presentation
(shirts, footballs, gloves, caps and helmets)
Canvas Stretching
FRAMING GALLERY
GALERIA 1RF
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42
Across
6 Effeminate (7)
7 Wife of Odin (Norse mythology) (5)
9 Looked at (4)
10 Indicative of (10)
11 Marked with linear discolorations (8)
13 Wriggle (6)
15 Anagram of "Seek" (4)
17 Creates (5)
18 Thin flat circular plate (4)
19 Seizes (6)
20 Wages (8)
23 Bode (10)
26 Sicknesses (4)
27 Mediterranean herbs (5)
28 Movement downward (7)
Down
1 Benevolences (10)
2 Decorate (6)
3 Profound (4)
4 Infractions (8)
5 Depressions (4)
6 North African country (5)
8 Rules (7)
12 Levees (5)
14 Underscores (10)
16 Singalong (7)
17 The head of an editorial
page (8)
21 Least high (6)
22 Acclaim (5)
24 Pocketbook (4)
25 Fathers (4)
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O
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U
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O
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Murphy applied for a fermentation
operator post at a famous Irish firm
based in Dublin.
An American applied for the same job
and since both applicants had similar
qualifications, they were asked to take a
test by the Manager.
When the results were in, amazingly,
both men had only one wrong answer.
The manager went to Murphy and said,
"Thank you for coming to the interview,
but we've decided to give the American
the job."
Murphy, "And why would you be doing
that? We both got 19 questions correct.
This being Ireland and me being Irish,
surely I should get the job."
Manager, "We have made our decision
not on the correct answers, but on the
question you missed."
Murphy, "And just how would one
incorrect answer be better than the
other?"
Manager, "Simple. On question number 7
the American wrote down, 'I don't know.'
You put down, "Neither do I."
***
Fifty-one years ago, Herman
James, a North Carolina mountain man,
was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the
Army issued him a comb. That afternoon
the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued
Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the
Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a
jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman
for 51 years.
Is it time for a Spring clean of
your wardrobe?
Do you have any high quality and well
cared for garments that you no longer
wear? Have you ever thought of using a
Dress Agency? They can not only provide
you with quality garments at great value
but they will also sell your garments for
you.
Still not sure? Pop in and see Vivien in
the Frock Exchange in Benavista and see
what she has to offer. All her stock is new
or nearly new and in excellent condition.
She carries a wide range of evening and
daywear from designers and labels from
all over the world. She also has a
fantastic range of bags, shoes and
accessories … all at unbeatable prices!
Don’t take our word for it, go and see for
yourself !
(see above advert or directions)
To BE SEEN in The Sentinella Phone 608 840 692
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Puzzle Solutions ...
������!���� ������������������������
�� ������������������������������� ��� ������������������
���������������������������������
Quality Secondhand Clothes for Sale
Baby girl from birth to 2 years.
High street brands & immaculate
designer outfits.
For details & photos 608 832 770
3500€ OVNO
Tel: 617 016 738
FOR SALE
Honda CBR 900 RR FirebladeExcellent Condition 12750 Km
Full service history
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� �� ����������� ��� ��
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Do you need help around thehouse or an extra pair of hands on
a current project or a house sitter?I am an honest & reliable man, living in
Ronda who is looking to spend a month in
the Marbella area with view to carrying
out a personal project in June/ July.
I am willling to consider all kinds of work
in exchange for a place to live for a month
or so. References available.
Call Andy 695 722 075
WANTED
Second
hand LHD
car.
Call Joe675 312 774
page
Animals & Pets
Barry´s Dogstore 33
Lady Dog Carer 32
Pet Taxi 32
The Dog House 33
Art, Crafts & Photography
Andalucia Soap Company 28
Galeria 151 41
Bars & Hotels
Cheers Bar 37
Hotel Bandolero 29
Business Services
Avanti Computer Solutions 22
Costaworkwear 19
Red-enet 23
Sentinella Services 19
Care Services
Kangaroo Carers 31
Sanyres 6
Doctors / Dentists / Health Service
Marbella Chiropractor 15
Marion the Midwife 12
SOS Medicos 24h 2
Fashion & Accessories
Chirine Ayoubi Jewellery 40
The Frock Exchange 43
Other
Bidb4ubuy.com 41
Big Blue Box 9
FiestaSol Catering 35
Guitar Tuition 38
page
Health & Beauty
Hypno Band 13
Hypnotherapy 10
Marbella Mobile Beauty 14
MK Fitness & Health 14
Permanent Makeup 17
The Works Hair & Beauty 13
Law, Finance & Insurance
Ibex 47
Service & Repairs
Advasol Solutions 9
Apex Chimney Services 11
Complete Carpentry 11
Eco Pools 7
Mosquito Screen Co. 8
Solar Shade 9
Sports & Activities
Active Scuba Divers 24
Casares Costa Golf 25
Personal Snorkel & Scuba Trainer 27
Transport & Removals
One Way Van Hire 39
Simon Gee 41
TV & Satellite
Orbit SL 5
PK Satellite 38
Reece Electronics 26
Sky Shop Spain 10
There are a lot of new projects in the pipeline
for 2010 , to ensure you & your business get
in before it´s too late, contact us ...
Tel: 608 840 692 or email [email protected]
Remember, The Sentinella is probably the most popular expat magazine along the
Costa Del Sol, designed to help local Businesses survive and grow. We do not target
Multi national Companies to advertise with us. Our advertising rates and great
distribution provide an essential service to any business here on the Coast.
Talk to us and we will listen. We can help your business to grow ...
Give us a call and decide for yourself !
T h e S e n t i n e l l a B
u s i n e s s P a g e
46
USEFUL NUMBERS...
General Emergency 112
Medical Emergency 061
National Police 091
Local Police 092
Guardia Civil 062
Fire Brigade 080
ESTEPONA
National Police 952 798 300
Guardia Civil 952 801 087
Local Police 952 808 040
Fire Brigade 952 804 483
Red Cross 952 806 542
MARBELLA
National Police 952 762 600
Guardia Civil 952 770 344
Local Police 952 899 900
Fire Brigade 952 774 349
Red Cross 952 861 688
HOSPITALS
Costa Del Sol 952 862 748
Maternity 951 030 200
Serrania de Ronda 951 065 000
TAXI SERVICE
Marbella 952 764 400
San Pedro 952 774 488
Estepona 952 802 900
Sabanillas 952 892 900
Sotogrande 956 616 078
BUS TIMETABLES...
URBAN BUSES.
ESTEPONA
L1 McDonald’s - Local Police.
From 9:21am to 9:00pm every 45
minutes (approx.)
MARBELLA
L1 La Cañada-Town Centre-Puerto
Banus
From 8:22am to 10:45pm every 15
minutes (approx.)
L2 Albarizas- Town Centre-Xar-
blanca
From 7:30am to 9:29pm evey
30min. (approx.)
L3 Station -Town Centre - La
Cañada-Station
From 7:00am to 10:15pm every 20
minutes (approx.)
BUS STATIONS
Marbella 952 360 191
San Pedro 952 781 396
Estepona 952 800 249
Sotogrande 952 450 550
CONSULATES
Great Britain 952 352 300
Ireland 952 475 108
Germany 952 363 591
France 952 226 590
USA 952 474 891
Italy 952 306 150
Sweden 952 604 383
TOURIST OFFICES
Estepona 952 800 913
Marbella 952 771 442
Ronda 952 871 272
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Sponsor this page and GROW with us!!!! tel. 608 840 692
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